I'm confused I've had 4 fills now and I do have restriction but I'm insure of when I've got enough fill - how do I know if I have reached my 'sweet spot'??? I'm not sure if I'm hungry of if it's head hunger. Last night was a total right off diet wise - I ate a whole large packet of potato chips.... funny how the bad things are soooooo easy to eat. I ad eaten really well throughout the day but BAM.... saw chips and went for it. I know I just have to pick myself and dust myself off but geez it can be hard.
On a brighter note - today I have made excellent food choices
What a start to the new year! This is my first new year in so long that I actually feel positive and am looking forward to achieving a great deal. I was banded on Nov 30 and I'm looking forward to my first fill on Jan 21. I must admit I've been a bit naughty over Xmas with not eating as well as I should, in the past that type of behaviour would have sent me spiralling out of control but this time I remain positive & am back on track. I haven't weighed myself and don't plan to til I have my first fill.
Also we bought a new house and moved just before Xmas. It's been hectic and hard, as I hate to be disogranised, but it's great to have our own home again & it feels good having a new space for my new beginning.
Starting to get my daughters ready to go back to school, so the next couple of weeks will be busy, then I am back to uni a few weeks after that.
I got banded early in Sept and have so far had a slow weight loss compared to many fellow banders. I have had 4 fills now and it's only been since my third fill that I've had restriction (which was just before christmas). I had my 4th fill yesterday and I now have 7.5ml. Between my 3rd and 4th fill I lost 5kgs so I'm very excited about that I started at 121kgs and I'm now 115kgs. Am feeling much more optimistic now that I've started to lose weight. I'm finally starting to feel in control...
Before being banded or even considering being banded I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I had a fantastic psychologist who helped me change my thinking and have the stength to see I had an issue and the band has been a great tool even though very hard mentally to help break the cycle.
Unforunatly old habbits don't always die easy and after my honeymoon with my weight gain (casue I had fill removed to fly and enjoy myself) I found myself in a slump mentally and physically. I have lost the weight I gained and tried extra fill which needed removing as it just wasn't working for me, but I am at a rollercoasting platau going up and down a few kg.
So what I need to do is hop off the rollercoaster- easy in thery but the practice require strength mentally.
Yesterday started well but ended badly, so today I downloaded an app to my phone to track all my food and exersice. Visuals are a great way to help break the cycle (and I'm sure like many of you I hate keeping a written food diary and always forget to fill it!)
I am going to get these last 12kg off if it kills me- I just need to get my head in that "space" which in turn should help keeping to a strict eating plan (i.e no snacks) lots of water and of course try to get to the gym for weights at least 3 times a week on top of my daily walks and (bike rides at the moment)
Im hoping my going back to Uni this year to study nutrition will help me help myself more and help others in simialr predicaments.
10 Jan 2011
So, it is 3 weeks post op today. I had a little panic during the week as I put on over 1kg during the week. After an email to my dietician (and the lecture about the evils of daily weighing ) I guess this is normal after 4 weeks on shakes. However, I am back on the downward slope with all of the gain gone and a few 100gms more.
I am starting to get hungry now at around 4 hours after eating, and I can eat most things (had crackers and cashews yesterday ). I am sticking to Â½ - Â¾ cup of food, and 1 snack (usually yoghurt late morning). It is weird, as sometimes I am very hungry and then I canâ€™t physically eat much, and at other times I feel as if I could actually eat a whole dinner plate full. My band seems tighter in the afternoon. I am not sure why, but could be to do with the fact I have a desk job, and the way I sit at my computer.
I was back at work last week and it is very slow at the moment, and that is making me quite tired, so I donâ€™t feel like doing much. I have just been happy reading, which is not something I usually get much time for.
We went and saw a gym last week, and we have decided that we will all join (my partner, my son and I). My son doesnâ€™t know yet (he is 14 and overseas on holiday) but he could do with a little trimming down (gained weight post soccer season). It is a family gym, and the membership includes pools, aqua classes and squash courts, as well as the usual gym equipment and classes. I used to do a lot of aqua classes back home, so having it all in one place will be good (and all in the one membership price).
My partner has also realised he needs to lose the extra 25kg he has. He lost it 20 kg two years ago, but has put it back on since we moved to Australia, and he has only just realised that it is seriously affecting his golf swing â€“ trust it to be the golf that makes him act but I suspect that it is actually due to the fact that in about 3 weeks, he will weigh more than me! I am looking forward to gloating over that one - am I allowed to do that?
We went to Surfers Paradise on the weekend. I got my partner some golf lessons at Emerald Lakes Golf Club for Xmas, so we decided to stay down there the weekend. We had a suite at the Royal Pines Golf Resort and the weather held off so my partner managed to fit in a whole round of golf before it started to rain on the last hole. While he played, I went shopping, as you do. He did ask if I wanted to drive the golf cart around with him...... and my answer was NO! So straight to the shopping mall I went I visited the City Chic store. Have only ever been in there once before and the clothes were not really my style. Anyway they were having a sale and I got a beautiful dress that is black with like a sparkly silver thread through it (Pic in the Gallery). It was way too long (and I am not that short at 1.67m), so I attacked it with a pair of scissors back at the hotel and had to cut a massive 7â€ off the bottom so I wouldnâ€™t fall over it. Since it only cost $40 (down from $180) I didnâ€™t mind doing the emergency alteration. I must take it to Mumâ€™s in Feb and get her to hem it nicely for me. I then ducked it Myers and had my makeup done, as I didnâ€™t bring mine down with me and then it was back to the hotel to get ready. We had a lovely dinner at the Casino (well, I had Â¼ of my soup, and my partner had a lovely dinner) and we spent some time at the tables as well.
So, I have a busy week this week (with slow work to make it dull). Like most other working mothers, I have a house that i â€œshouldâ€ clean, loads of washing that I â€œshouldâ€ do (just as well I bought a dryer recently but I am too stingy to use it), my business books need doing, my MBA assignment is due next week (just as well my textbook arrived today), a visit to the dietician and a nice night out planned for the weekend â€“ our last weekend of â€œfreedomâ€ before my son comes home, and hopefully my last weekend of no restriction. I am having my first fill on 21st Jan and I am looking forward to it.
Exciting things to look forward too:
21st Jan â€“ My first fill! I am looking forward to restriction and some more weight loss.
21st Jan â€“ My son comes home. It will have been 6 weeks since we have seen each other, and though we often joke about how I donâ€™t want him back (and he can live with Nana), he will be dying to come home. I did tell him about the surgery before he left, but he left 10 days prior to my op.
27th Jan â€“ My sonâ€™s birthday and my MBA exam
5th Feb â€“ flying to NZ to see my Mother, Sister and her family â€“ looking forward to no seatbelt extended and no squashed hips. For the 1st time in years, I will be smaller than my older sister and I canâ€™t wait to see her face. I bought her a dress in a sale (a size 26) and was buying size 20-22â€™s for myself at the same time. Lol, the shop assistant even asked if I was ok with that size dress as it was a lot larger than the other clothes I was buying
4th March â€“ a weekend in Sydney to visit my very best friend who has just moved over from NZ with her little 6 week old baby (he will be 3 months by then). She is a size 6-8 but has always been extremely supportive of me and my decisions, although she could have absolutely no idea what I have been through.
16th May â€“ My Graduation in NZ. Still up in the air about whether I am going to this. I want my partner and son there, but my partner thinks it is a waste of money and an expensive photo opportunity and that if I really have to go, then I should just go on my own.
18th June â€“ my mother coming to stay for 3 months. I am excited about this now, but think the novelty will wear off v e r y quickly. Last time she came for 3 weeks, broke her hip and ended up in hospital then rehab for 6 weeks. She had also brought my 5yr old nephew with her, so we ended up with an extra child to juggle (and both of us work). Thank god for travel insurance, who flew my sister over to get him and allowed her to stay a few days to see Mum. The only upside of that was I had to escort her home and we got flown back Business Class â€“ do you know those seats are narrower than â€œcattleâ€ class? The only advantage is more leg room and the champagne/food you get
Well here I go. My first blog - I feel excited and nervous at the same time.
Let's just lay all the cards on the table...
I am 30 years old and as of this morning I weigh 136.1kg. I have fluctuated between this weight and 100kg for the last 10 years. I was quite thin as a child and only started gaining masses amounts of weight since I was at university. For me food was the one thing I had control of in my life. Seems though in the end the food controlled me.
After many failed attempts to lose the extra kilograms (I say failed because I could lose maybe 30 or so kilograms - but the weight always came back on) I came to the conclusion that I needed some serious help. To finally be healthy, not on a 'crazy' diet and be in control of my food choices was what I needed help with. After researching, discussing, reading and talking to many people I came to the conclusion that I should investigate gastric banding surgery. I spoke with my GP and he referred me. I had my first appointment with the surgeon in November 2010 and made my mind up then and there.
This year in April I will have LapBand surgery and for me this blog is the first step.
I feel that for me to be successful I need to document my initial thoughts so that this life style change will work. To be finally honest with myself and own up to the fact that I am heavy, big, large, overweight, obese and even the dreaded word that has caused me so much pain in my life "FAT"...
I was the one who over ate, who had no self control, who made excuses to not exercise... Not my job or family or friends. It was me and I am the only one who can change that.
I have seen many lists as to why people want to lose weight after surgery - I also have these wishes and dreams. To be able to sit in a plane seat comfortably is just one of those. To walk in between cars in a car park without having to change direction mid step is another wish. I also dream like many others to sit in a chair and not worry that I will not fit into it or even break it. This is just a glimpse of the goals I hope to achieve by choosing to have LapBand surgery.
I don't feel like an unhappy person though, I really have a great life. My family are wonderful and supportive and I have the most adorable, caring, considerate husband - who I still wonder why finds me attractive? I enjoy my job and really don't 'want' for anything (we make enough money to go on holidays, buy clothes and shoes, go out for dinner whenever we want).
I do however feel there is something missing. It's a sense of freedom, the freedom to walk into a clothing store and dress for my body shape and not because 'it just fits'. The freedom to travel to exotic places and explore these cultures with my handsome, attractive (not to mention fit and healthy) husband. The freedom to be spontaneous, and not look foolish in doing so. (I often feel silly or stupid when I'm being spontaneous). The freedom to be myself and not care if everyone likes me (a side effect of being obese is I'm a people pleaser).
Since making the decision to have this surgery I find my mind wandering off and dreaming of my 'new life'. The one where I'm healthy and in control of my eating habits. I also constantly read forums and find myself intrigued by the many issues and problems people CAN have after surgery.
YES at first I was embarrassed - the fact that I had to admit I needed help! Then scared - what if they botch it or worse what if I fail. Then I went into a kind of obsessive frame of mind where I asked questions upon questions....
Now I'm just excited!!
So, in April I will be having gastric banding surgery - let the months roll on....
I have been stuck on a bit of a plateau for the last few months and to be honest it does get me quite down.
I have been going up and down a few kilo and then the scales finally moved down just before Christmas to 74.8kg but I ate too much over the festive season and put on about 1.8kg and am now back sitting at around 75.2kg.
I am getting out of the cycle of bad thoughts and eating by writing out a meal plan to follow for the next week and will see how that goes.
I have tried having extra fill (.1ml) but had it removed as it was more a hindrance than anything.
Obviously stepping up the exercise especially some weight training as I do a lot of walking and also riding my bike at the moment for cardio.
I am back at The Bariatric Centre (formerly at The Avenue)in early February and hopefully I will have some great progress to show.
Will update with my meal plan and progress later in the week.
For a long time I've let myself feel that it's OK to eat and eat as much I like, but still hate the way it makes me look and feel.
People say it's what's on the inside that counts, and don't judge a book by it's cover. Yet society, as a whole, also goes out of it's way to make overweight people feel like pariahs. I feel judged every single time I walk out my front door. So much so, that some days I just don't.
In December 2010 I decided that enough was enough. Time for me to do something that I have been struggling with for the past 10 years.
I had my initial consult with the SIOS clinic on the 6th December and I booked my surgery date that day. There was no hesitation for us (my husband and I) after a talk about the process and how it works.
This week I am starting on Optifast, I have an appointment with a dietician, I get my blood test results back, I am having an ECG. All the first steps to a new, and improved, me.
I currently weigh 110kg and I stand at 5'2". By December 2011 I want to be 70kg (and still the same height ). That is my ultimate goal, but really, any loss is going to be amazing.
I also want to be pregnant by December 2011. I do not want to have to have another Christmas, another NYE, another birthday, with the grief of infertility plaguing my near every thought.
You know the paradox between being overweight and being infertile is both strange and cruel. Every single person thinks they are allowed to comment on, give advice or ask questions about my weight, weightloss and/or diet. Hardly anyone ever asks questions or supports me through my infertility struggle.
So, first thing's first. Optifast and cutting back. Hopefully I can try and lose 5-10kg before my surgery. That is goal number 1.
3 Jan 2011
Itâ€™s been 2 weeks today since my surgery, and I have lost 11.2kg, which is exactly 20% of the (minimum) amount that I want to lose.
I am told my surgery went smoothly, with no problems. I have had minimal gas and no shoulder tip pain. I took my first drive on day 4 as I needed a few things from the shops, and again on day 5. I was feeling so much better and it was the day before Xmas, that I went and had my nails done. I had wanted to do them the weekend before but remembered in time, that I needed to have clean nails for surgery. So I spent a nice hour in the salon having a French manicure.
Xmas day was busy. We had Xmas at our place and it was just us and my partners Mother, sister and brother. My son is still over in NZ with my family, and as I had no immediate family here at the moment, I was very much ok with not having food on Xmas day. I however did spend a lot of time in the kitchen cooking. I made the desserts the day before and my partner cooked the ham, so I did all the other food. We did not tell any family what I had done, but instead explained that I had a hernia repaired, was on light food and I had already eaten thanks. It didnâ€™t stop my partners mother trying to make me try the ham.
On 27th Dec we went up to the Sunshine Coast for 5 days. The plan was to sit by the pool and read and recuperate while my partner played golf. However, it rained for the first 3 days. I can say that the spa pool was nice in the rain ïŠ I also managed to find a very large shopping mall and do some serious shopping. It was a nice surprise to go into Autograph (with their 50% off sale) and find that no longer did I need a size 26, but the size 22 was most sufficient. And to be honest, they wonâ€™t fit for much longer than a month. I spent some money and in fact, I made 2 trips to the store. I got a couple of good items that I really liked and went back and bought them in smaller sizes. I also bought a size 18 dress and showed it to my partner â€“ it wonâ€™t take long to fit into that either.
While up north, I spoke with my dietician by phone. She suggested I start the pureed foods phase. Man, it is hard deciding what to eat and how to prepare it â€“ I just want my shakes! So I am not doing well on pureed food and will move to mushies in a few days. I guess my problem is I didnâ€™t really eat to start with, and the shakes fill me up (even prior to surgery, I was only managing 2 shakes and 1stirfry or salad a day), and I donâ€™t feel hungry at all. On liquids I usually had 2 shakes, 1 v8 juice and a small drinking yoghurt each day.
We had my partners family here again on 1st Jan for a BBQ. My partner got the hard word from his mother on grandchildren and marriage. She said that if we hurried up she could have a grandchild for next Xmas. My partner wasnâ€™t too happy about the lecture (it went on for a good 45 minutes). On the other hand, his mother was the first to mention my weight loss. Makes me wonder what (if anything) will be said tomorrow at work.
So, it is back to work for me tomorrow. And I think I need to sit down tonight and do some planning around meals, so I know what to take, otherwise it will be shakes all round. I made a lasagne yesterday and had a bit of that last night, but I seriously only had 4-5 teaspoons (not even the Â½ cup of food and left the pasta out of my serving) and I just wasnâ€™t interested in it. I might try fish pie next, that used to be a favourite, and see what happens.
I am seeing the dietician on the 12th Jan and the surgeon on 21st Jan. The dietician mentioned â€œnormalâ€ food after my next visit with her, as she wants me on â€œnormalâ€ food for 1 week before I see the surgeon.
I am still working towards my goal of 16 kg lost by 5th Feb, and I have only 4.8kg to go over 5 weeks.
Thatâ€™s about it for now. I have a busy few weeks coming up, what with learning to eat again, an MBA assignment due on 18th Jan, my son arriving home on 21st Jan, his birthday on 27th as well as an exam on 27th Jan. I must also get onto looking for a gym. I already have a membership elsewhere (now out of contract), but I want to go and look at a gym closer to home which is a family gym, has aqua aerobics and zumba classes and family memberships, as my son seems to be stacking on the kgs and needs a good workout before soccer season, so he might as well come along with me.
19 Dec 2010
So, tomorrow is my big day. I am getting banded in the afternoon and I am just starting to think about what is going to happen next.
I have been so busy up till now, as we all have been. My son has gone to my family overseas for 6 weeks and left a week ago, and I also had an exam on Thursday. So once that was over, I had to think about Xmas, which is at my place this year! So yesterday was the day to get all the last minute things for Xmas, and write lists for my partner on what he needs to do, and today has been just for me. I think I am ready, have all my foods and liquids I need for the next 2 weeks, have packed a bag, booked a taxi, got my paperwork in order, and now I am starting to think about the realities of what is going to be my life post-op.
I booked a flight overseas to see my Mum for the 1st week in February (a little foolishly I think). I am only going to have been on â€œnormal foodâ€ for 2 weeks and I am not sure now of how I am going to deal with that. I have not told any of my family, other than my partner and my two best friends. So I am not sure how I am going to cope with food servings (my mother loves food) and how I will cope if anything goes wrong for the first time while I am there. I have been given a couple of books on banding and food which I must start reading I guess that they will help.
I have a couple of short term goals that I am aiming for, but since I donâ€™t know what will happen post op, I am not absolutely firm with them, but something to work towards. I read a post the other day about looking at your loses in terms of % of weight loss. If I look at it that way, I am 12.5% there already. Thatâ€™s 1/8 of the way. So, 7kg down pre-banding, I would like to lose another 8 kg before I see my Mum in 7 weeks. My next goal is 30kg lost by 18 June (53% lost). LOL I just realised it this is another goal around my Mother! That is the day she arrives for 3 months holiday with us and my Sister and her family will be arriving for 3 weeks holiday. I think 15kg over 4.5 months is reasonable and should not be too much of a stretch goal wise. That will put me back to pre-baby weight (and he is about to turn 14 now!).
From there, it is pretty much up to my body. I had a friend who did SureSlim a few years ago and she decided she had to get to 60kg. She was absolutely desperate to get to that weight. However, her body had a different idea, and I watched her struggle around 68kg for months, and she started to hate herself and got quite depressed. Maybe sometimes we just need to listen to our bodies instead of forcing it into a mould that it does feel comfortable in. It took her a while to get her head around it, but is now happy where she is. So, to cut a long story short, I know I can lose 56kg, and 66kg loss will put me right at the top of a healthy BMI, but the way I see it, anything after 56kgs will be a bonus.
Hmmm, while I am ranting, letâ€™s go completely off band, I want to go back home for my Graduation in May 2011. This means a lot to me and I want to have my son, partner and mother there to see me Graduate. I brought this up last night with my partner, found cheap flights ($350 return each to NZ) etc, so it is all quire doable, and he said no, he didnâ€™t want to go. He said it was just a piece of paper that I already had and it was only a photo opportunity â€œwhat a waste of money for a photoâ€. That got me quite down, as I worked hard for years to finish this, and the occasion actually means something to me, and I know it means a lot to my mother (god, there goes my mother again â€“ we are a close family!). I am not sure what to do now, as he said to just go over by myself with my Mum (who is already there). He also said wait for my MBA graduation as that means more in his eyes. While he tried to say it was a money issue (which it isnâ€™t) it would actually cost us more to fly the 3 of us to Adelaide and then fly my mother over from NZ for it. And to be honest, the Degree graduation means more to me than the MBA graduation. Maybe it is because he didnâ€™t finish his studies at Uni, I donâ€™t know, but I was absolutely gutted last night, as I know that when my partner says no, no one can change his mind ever.
Internet Name: Dan1elle
Real Name: Amanda
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
Family: Partner and my 13 yr old son. My family all live overseas.
Surgery date: 20th December 2010
Surgeon: Justin Greenslade, Brisbane
Short term Weight loss Goals: 15 kg by 5 Feb and 30kg by 18 June
Long Term Weight loss Goals: 56kg minimum but aiming for 66kg loss which will put me inside the Healthy BMI â€“ just......
A little bit about me: I am a Director of my own company and I am also studying for my MBA on a fast track program. We moved to Australia around 18 months ago and we are still settling in. I read a lot and enjoy music, having performed a lot in previous years (Vocal and Instrumental), but I want to get back into performing and I no longer what to be the fat opera singer
Well it's taken a lot of work to get to this point, but the new website is now operational! You can log in with your old username and password, and all posts and forums have been transferred over successfully. The new site has a lot of exciting new features:
You can now create your own photo galleries
You can now create your own blogs
We have an all new and improved chat room
The new forum system is more secure, easier to use and much easier to operate
So have a poke around, try things out and if you run into any problems, please let me know.