Here I am back again. I was banded in 2011, really successfully. I was so happy with it, I lost a heap of weight and got into fitness in a big way. A couple of years ago, now that I look back on it, my band slipped. Certainly I was having symptoms of it. I ignored it for way too long. For some reason I felt that the slippage was my fault and convinced myself that I had failed. (Isn't that strange?). Anyway, after a few really bad episodes of pretty much complete obstruction, I saw a new surgeon who gave me a (loving and kind) kick up the arse.
I regained a lot of weight in that time. Eating over those years had become a real nightmare. And, though I became a bit averse to food, and eating in front of people, I still managed to gain weight because I was HUNGRY and only refined foods would be able to get in. I can absolutely say that the maladaptive eating syndrome is real, and can corrupt the most intelligent of minds.
My band came out in November. Apparently there was quite a mess in there. Though I was fearful of losing my beloved (!) band it wasn't a bad thing. I finally could eat salads, other green things and I have really learnt to be able to eat again. Of course I've regained weight, as I think there's more to bariatric surgery than just the restriction. But I feel that this 3 months has enabled me to reconcile my relationship with fresh and whole foods, all of which were not in my repertoire with a slipped band.
I'm on optifast again now - 10 days to sleeve surgery. I really thought I couldn't do it again, but I'm thriving. And finally, I KNOW that my band slippage was not my fault and that I should have admitted it so much earlier. The moral of my story? Stick with your follow ups, they're right when they say we're more successful if we stay connected and, also, don't let self recrimination get in the way of your success (and health).
I got evacuated from my house because of the Cyclone Yasi drama, and went off to friends' house with my 2 dogs, cat and 3 chooks - where we spent the next 2 nights, with their dog and 2 babies, all crammed inside. Fun!
In the absence of power and ice, Optifast became a new, evil, unpalatable cruelty! I retract my "ooh la la I love Optifast" rants and can now say it is entirely dependent on technology! Anyway, it was hardly a dreadful discomfort... We're all well and in great shape and grateful.
Hooray to Queenslanders for getting through it all with great sense and class. I've never lived amongst a population so well prepared and educated about weather issues. I'm really, really proud.
Only 2 days until I head to Melbourne, only 4 sleeps until surgery!
Perhaps I am a bit strange.. I am loving optifast. I actually look forward to my shake time.
It has been such a revolutionary way to lose weight, I'm not spending half my time thinking about what to eat at the next meal and making sure I have enough food in the house. Being on such a prescribed diet has considerably cut down on the amount of time food occupies my mind each day.
It does most certainly make a difference to make it up in a blender with ice, though!
10 days until my surgery. Off to the gym now. People are commenting on my weight loss already. Fab!
Less than two weeks to go (13 days in fact) I've lost 9kg on Optifast, which has been extraordinary! The last 3 days I've been flattened by an awful gastro I caught from my friends' kids. Haven't even been able to get shakes down, so have basically eaten an apple a day for the last few days (and let's just say the apple even provoked a few anxious moments). Strange!
Interestingly not even a gram lost during the gastro. Just goes to show..
I've had a few (previously really supportive) friends now start to express their doubts about me having the surgery. Largely a lot of their reasons are that they don't want me to change. ("What about your fabulous dinner parties??"), but I think also the significance of surgery, the possibilities of complications, are starting to worry them as I get closer to surgery.
They all say they like me exactly as I am, that I'm fun like this. And now I realise that I am really, really doing this thing for me, so that I can feel really well, move much more easily and be proud of myself for conquering something that I have repeatedly failed at since I was 11!
This website has been so incredibly informative. I've done so much reading. I really got benefit from watching Prof O'Brien's 8 rules video. I know I can do this. I know also, that it is really important that I do it right, or else there is no point at all, and possibly could be harmful.
But I love, love, love those dear doubters for loving me exactly as I am. How cool is that?
Oh man! Day 6 of Optifast and I have started to reflux like a demon. What's the story? I think maybe the night time shake may be a bit much for the old stomach / oesophagus connection!
Fortunately I found some mylanta! How lucky is that??? Just waiting for the precious liquid to do its good work. (ie sitting upright, typing this!)
I suspect reflux may be my new, more frequently visiting, friend after the banding??
The upside is, though, I'm melting off the weight on this optifast gig. Day 6: 5.5kg down! Go optifast!!
No christmas cards to reflux though. Boo to you.
So the plans for a secretive lap band came crashing down today. I was invited to a dinner party (I am a regular on the circuit) and couldn't really come up with anything impromptu and said (well, I was put on a spot) "I've given up eating - well not really.. I'm on these shake things... Well.. OK I'm having a lap band but try not to tell anyone".
All class, really.
Do I tell my friends that I'm busy and not available? But I love their company and I'm not going to sit at home drinking my shakes in a corner. And as it turned out, they were cooking steamed greens to go with the main.. I told the other guests I was exploring vegetarianism and all went well.
I think the secret thing is a bit of a pride issue for me. Particularly with my family, I became sick of "kind advice" and questions like "how's your diet going?". It pips me that, despite some extraordinary achievements in my life, there are still people who judge me for my size. And that is largely family members.
We'll just keep it to the inner circle of friends for now.
I've told my trainer. He's all for it. Says he'll get me running 10k in no time. Ha! I HATE running!!!!
I had my first day on optifast yesterday and felt pretty good. They're not that bad at all! Fortunately I've got a blender at work, so made the shake up with a tonne of ice and yummy! Surprisingly filling as well.
A couple of interesting things, though.. I wonder if anyone else has experienced a sudden "colon cleansing" (sorry for the euphemism, but it was pretty traumatic.. and urgent) on the optifast??
And, ridiculously, I am 2 kilos lighter today than yesterday. Same time, same level of nudity and same bladder status.
Maybe that was one hell of an urgent "colon cleansing"!!!!
Now I promise not to weigh myself every day. But this is exciting!! I feel like I'm really on the road to something positive.
Today I start on my optifast diet.
Am very proud of myself not to have indulged in the "last meal of the condemned woman" and had a quiet night at home instead. I had gyoza for dinner and a beer, to say goodbye. Time now to lighten up the old liver a bit.
I weigh 107 kg, which for me is very heavy. I am a road cyclist (and occasionally indulge in mountain biking) and have to work bloody hard to squeeze myself into cycling gear and then haul my extra 37kg up hills, on a flimsy frame with skinny wheels.
My social existence is really busy and active. I have a dear group of friends who are incredibly sporting. I do everything they do, but man it's hard when you weigh much more than them, especially hiking up the mountains.
And the bloody chafe! Combine tropical weather, lycra and touching thighs and you have a nightmare.
Anyway, off to make a shake. Funny that I am so focused on myself when there's badness down south with the floods. I think of it like this - I have spent so much of my life looking after people who are challenged in some way.. and yet I have done poorly by my own self. Nobody really likes a martyr and perhaps I have just been using the emotional challenges of work as an excuse! If I work hard on myself I will be so much more use to others.