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Cub's Blog

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What a daaayyy!!

Well today was a big day for me! I moved out of my house sitting house and back home. I'm hoping to permanently move home as I'm not paying rent at the house sitting house but am still paying rent at home!! So I cleaned and got it ready for my friend to come home and then I went and wait for it.... Enrolled in Tafe weeeee!! I've only just decided to do the course I had been thinking of doing for the last 6 months and so I am a liiiittle bit excited about it! I hope I'm not too stupid for the course! I do have abit of a background in it and know a fair bit about it (well I think I do) I'll also have RPL (Recognised Prior Learning) so that will knock some units off. The course I'm doing is Certificate IV in Occupational Health & Safety! (I'm a rules kinda gal - hence wanting to be a cop etc). Everyone says this job will suit me. *excited squeal* So as of now I'm thinking that maybe 2011 WILL be a good year for me, especially if I get to be banded and start losing weight! I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited at the prospect of losing weight. It's absolutely ridiculous that I should be having sleepless nights when for one thing, I haven't even been to my GP about it!! What is wrong with me?!!! Haha!! I admit it, I am a weirdo. Seriously, sitting here and trying to write this my eyelids feel like ACME anvilles!! It's ridiculous, I still have a meeting to go to tonight and everything!! UGH! Atleast I get free Hans out of it. YUM! Thai Green Chicken Curry. Nom, Nom, Nom!! So my second exciting piece of news is that my old work is going to either a. give me my job back (it was left open a year for me as I was supposed to be in America for a year) or make me a "floater" hehe no dirty jokes please. A "floater" in Childcare staffing terms, is someone who is flexible and can go from room to room where needed. SO I will have guarenteed work and then bits and pieces here and there. So I won't be working full time but earning enough money to have abit to play around with all while not jeopardising my studies. PHEW! Awesome day I am so easily pleased! I'm off for a latte to keep my eye balls open. Peace Out Peeps & As always, thanks for listening! CUB!

Cub

Cub

 

The bigger I get.

I've noticed that the bigger I get the less I want to leave the house. I don't like any of my clothes at the moment and my favourite pair of shorts have gone to the big girl upstairs. *devestation* I can't afford to buy anything new and theres no point anyway because a. it either all looks disgusting on me or b. the fashion just isn't right for my shape (tree stump thighs and shorts above the knee aren't cool) and c. I'm in the mind frame that I'm just going to be losing weight, so what's the point in wasting my money?! Vicious, vicious cycle! I can't wait for you to leave me alone!! In other news, my friend who has been banded (with not much success) is coming home from the mines tomorrow so I will get to chat to her about her surgeon and all that. Kind of excited about it. It won't put me off that she hasn't had much success as I know she only has herself and her liquor to blame! I really really hope my surgeon can fit me in sooner rather than later, the skinny girl inside me is starting to get abit loud. I'm going to be praying to the universe! Anyhoo I'll make this a short one as I need to get to bed. Cub! P.S. Has anyone heard of the 5 love languages? I did mine today I'm "Quality Time" and am also strong in " Words Of Affirmation" I knew I would be the quality time one. I need people. I used to be good with isolation. Not so much anymore!! Anyway here I go again blah blah blah. Okay, I'm going! Goodnight chums!

Cub

Cub

 

That awkward moment when you tell your mum you're getting lap banding!

Where to begin? This is my second blog for today and I promise I'm not obsessed and I did have human contact today so I shouldn't need to ramble as much as I did this morning BUT, I just wanted to write about my experience in telling my mum about the banding before I forget all the key details! So, usually when I have something big to tell her I obsess over it for a while, we are close but thinking about what her reaction might be to this news was actually scaring me! So I went around there and it took me probably about an hour and a half to get it out! I had no idea what to say... Hey mum, I'm getting lap banding! (no beating around the bush) I'm going under the knife!! (too dramatic!) I made an appointment to see the doctor about lap banding? (too long!!) None of it sounded right, so I figured now or never when I realised time was running out before our house mate arrived home. So I said. Um... So I've been like researching.... and she's like oh yeah what? And I'm like ummmm lap banding? and she's like "oh" * insert projectile word vomit* " It won't work for you. You can't say no to food!" Just like that, BANG shot down in burning flames!!!!!!! I was gutted. It was SO not the answer I was hoping for. I just could not believe that she wrote me off so quickly! Now my mum is the best mum in the world and don't get me wrong what she said was pretty brutal but I think it was just shock. So I told her that I'd been on this website and that it's worked for these thousands of people and yes for some of them it hasn't worked but I'm determined to be one of the ones who it does work for. So she's digesting this information as we speak, it was kind of awkward she went all quite and I was like SAY SOMETHING!! And she said she was processing and then we chatted about it some more and I really think she understands that this is all I have left, this is it. This lap banding is the one chance I have left to become who I have always wanted to be. A healthy, happy and skinny person. I deserve it, I'm sick of being " the fat one". So, that's my story. I'm interested to see what tomorrow brings on the matter! I have sworn her to secrecy and we'll see if she can stand it. I'm sure it's eating away at her now as I type this!! She reckons she can keep a secret. Hmph. We'll soon see. Thanks for listening Chums. Ciao For Now!

Cub

Cub

 

:o)

Well, as of today the 25th of January could not come quicker!! I can't wait to see my doctor and get this ball rolling. I spoke to my friend who has had awesome success with her lap banding (Starting weight 150kgs, Current weight 94kgs!!) I think she got it done last year or late the year before. I wish I could remember but I had alot on my plate at the time. Anyway she answered some of my questions and helped me alot. She really encouraged me. I have since told ONE person about my lap banding and that's a friend and fellow "big girl" that I work with. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore, I don't know if I trust her 100% to not tell anyone but meh, if people want to judge let them, I'll be the one with the last laugh! I am in this for the long haul, I have been inspired so much by people around me and people in the forums, I am going to do everything I can to lose this weight and be a healthy person. I love weight training but hate walking nowhere on treadmills, so I think once I'm "done" I'll join a gym for weight training to keep toned up. My arms are a problem though, I bulk up so easily! Last time I did weight training some guys even commented on my arms, so other than swimming and keeping them hopefully "bingo wing free" I'm not going to work on them as much in fear that I will get huge biceps and look like one of those man-ladies who do body building (eww). I have been obsessing over lap banding and everything that goes with it, by obsessing I mean thinking about pretty constantly and I was thinking about clothes. I have clothes ranging from size 16-24 and I'm worried that I'll be needing to buy new clothes all the time, which I sooooo cannot afford! I suppose I could go to OP shops and the like. I gave away a heap of my clothes to my friend that I mentioned above when she had lost some weight, so maybe she'll return the favour hehe Oh and my sister steals all my clothes so now I will be able to steal hers! HAHA She said it's my turn to be the skinny one now that she is getting chunky! I will LOVE that more than she will ever know. She's always called me " fatty" to hurt me and it did always hurt me. I won't do the same but I will relish the fact that I will be skinnier than her!! Anyhoooo been rambling abit today. I'm living alone at the moment and I'm a chatter box who doesn't like talking on the phone so this blog is copping the brunt of me not having anyone to talk to!! I can't wait to lose my "back boobs" and my "verandah" I'm telling my mum today!!!! 6 days until GP!!

Cub

Cub

 

Back to the drawing board!

Well I didn't get a chance to tell my mum yesterday and it's really driving me nuts! I talk to her about everything and not being able to get this off my chest is UGH! Annoying! You are the only ones that know and that brings me some comfort! atleast. The problem is that I can't get her alone. She worked yesterday and everytime it was quiet and I worked up the courage more customers came in. I was like how dare you!! Anyway that's reason number 1, reason number 2 is because we've had a family friend move into our home and so I can't get my mum on her own for long enough!! If I weren't working tonight it would be the perfect chance because our friend is working late so there'd be about an hour and a half but I'm working. Tomorrow night however, I might be in with a chance!! One good thing is.... I made an appointment with my GP today So on the 25th of Jan, my journey may really start to begin!! I'm very excited and I've written lists to help convince my doctor if she needs it! I've written a list of diets I've done and how many times I've done them each. 13 years is a long time to diet and especially at my age. I hope to God she gives me a referal, I need this so much. All I can see is the end of the tunnel where I'm healthy and happy and SKINNY - for the first time in my life! I wrote two pages on what losing weight will do for me as a person, and I wrote a mere half a page of what it will mean if I don't lose weight. I don't like that page as it scares me but it's true! So, I think I have decided to go with the surgeon Kevin Dolan as everyone sings his praises. I haven't yet been able to ask the two friends of mine who've been banded who their surgeon was, but I'd probably use theirs, who may even turn out to be Kevin, who knows! Anyways, I'm feeling happy that I've taken the plunge and made the appointment to see my GP. May it all get better from here on in! Peace Out!

Cub

Cub

 

Mum's the word.

So here I am on this forum, I'm new to the idea of being "banded" (yup, I've picked up some lingo!!!) I, of course have friends who have had it done and I praise the two of them who have done the right thing and done it properly. They both look fantastic and I wish it was me! Today I want to tell my mum that I'm thinking of getting a lap band. I don't know what to say to her or how to convince her that I need this more than I need air to breathe. I don't know how she will react and it scares me. She also has a BIG mouth and I know she will HAVE to tell someone!! I, on the other hand don't want anyone to know, even my big sister who will be extremely upset with me when she finds out I didn't want to tell her. But she's got this thing about me losing weight by some miracle she calls "eating everything in moderation" (Hahaha, she jests! I'm sure!) I can't do that. I never have been able to do that. I remember being a little kid and thinking about food all the time. I'm at a loss as to how this happens to people but I have been this way for my whole life! Anyway, today is the day, hopefully I don't chicken out. Mum, I'm getting lap banded.... There, easy enough to type! Now to make it come out of my mouth infront of her.

Cub

Cub

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