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Cub's Blog

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Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?? :D

Today has been a great day. I needed one since lately I've been so annoyingly whingey! I started off by helping my mum wash her car and shake my arse to a few tunes on my ipod while I did so. Praise the day my bum and guts won't wobble so much ay! Then I went out to lunch with one of my good friends Jazzy. She's so lovely. Then we drove around and did some rubberneckin' at some houses because her and her husband are saving up to build a house. We had a good sticky beak at the good, the bad and the ugly. Seriously, the colourbond federation green roof... is soooo last century!! Ew! Haha it was fun though, we got to have a good chin wag. I annoy myself so much you know. If you knew me and I told you I was shy, you'd laugh in my face. On an ordinary day I am this bubbly, loud, outrageous spastic of a person but when a guy is involved I'm SHY as they come. I get nervous and talk really fast, I blush and the thought of even talking to them gives me serious nerves. Now I used to be a tomboy and was the ring leader of all the boys in my street when I was younger then when I got into highschool that all changed. I got shy and weird, then I did childcare and didn't really ever meet any guys (not even friends) and so I've been really out of touch with it all. So now that I actually like someone it's abit like, oh shit. What am I supposed to do? I flit between maybe I should just let it go, it's so much more hassle than I'm used to and wanting to just get his phone number and confess my liking of him! The fear of rejection because of the way I see myself is what scares me the most I suppose. I just see myself as this fat, ugly person who no one could love. I'm scared that when I get skinny I will either still think I am fat or think I am unworthy of someone's love for another reason. I hope not. I hope I can finally feel comfortable in my own skin. So my mum told my secret to my friend F, who is very nice and told me she told him. She reckons it was accidentally. Yeah right haha it's okay, I planned on him knowing anyway. So the list of people who know is growing. My big sister still doesn't know, I really do have to tell her though. She's going to want to know why we are going to Perth this weekend. *sigh* Heres hoping she is understanding. I've saved up all the money I need and I'm planning on paying for my op at my appointment. Hopefully I can, otherwise it will go on the cruise me and my mum are going to do at Christmas. Tonight after work, I went to the house F is house sitting and it's a fair few kms out of town. So driving down this dark eerie street in the middle of the boonies, a little Peter Rabbit jumped out in front of me and I.... I... accidentally killed him It's only the second thing I've ever killed with the car. *cries* the first time I killed a bird who was crossing the road with what I believe was it's mate for life. I killed it's precious mate! Feathers went everywhere, oh god it was awful! I screamed as he went thump hahaha so not cool. Anyways, this was a pretty useless blog, nothing overly exciting or helpful to anyone, it's just about lil ol' me and my random life. 3 days until my consult. Oh gosh! So.Freaking.Excited!! I guess I better get onto writing him some questions hey! I hope my mum behaves herself when we go in! Alright kids, time for me to adios! Nice blabbing for ya! Peace, Love & The Beautiful Starry Sky, Cub!

Cub

Cub

 

Well I'll Be!

Today was a fantastic day! A little humid for my liking but sunny and lovely! Where I live there is the most beautiful ocean and foreshore with cafes, shopping, a water park and a broadwalk that even has exercise equipment here and there for that extra oomph work out! It's awesome! So today I went with two of my very good friends to one of the local cafes, amazing place right on the beach. We had wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli sauce, they had some bruschetta, then we pigged out on our lunch and THEN me and one of my friends had dessert and she even went as far as having an iced chocolate! So our "skinny" friend commented on how much we could eat and me and my other friend looked at each other, smiled and said we didn't get this way by eating like you!! It was funny because we certainly didn't eat the amount that I suppose would be considered normal. At that point in time I realised how drasticly my life is going to change and I'm not scared, not one bit. I know there will be things I can't have anymore like hot chips or that in a social situation I might have a PB but I am so ready for this. So ready for the journey, so ready to leave my fat induced misery behind me!! I didn't go ahead and tell both of my friends that I am getting lap banding, only the one who I knew would understand. She's known me for a long time and she knows what I've tried and she said to me, I feel like you've been on a diet the whole time I've known you. And so she expressed how great she thought it was and said she was behind me 100%! I was so thrilled that someone was cheering me on you know! It was nice to have such a supportive person saying these things to me. I didn't need to justify my reasons, she just said good on ya! And she even went as far as saying she knows it will work for me *excitement* I love her. Great mate! So today was a great day and I am now even more excited than ever! Only 1 more day until I see my GP. I cannot wait to see that surgeon and get my date! I know I've said it soo many times but it doesn't get old to me! I can't wait to get my band!! CUB!

Cub

Cub

 

TGIF!!!! Seriously!

I'm soooooooooooooo freaking tired. My back is aching from chunky little 2 year olds wanting cuddles and having to hoist them up onto the change table! I wouldn't swap it for the world though. The kids really made my day today. We had a water play day and I brought them all in a swimming nappy and borrowed our friends irrigation pond (which actually looks like a little kiddy pool but is the perfect size and depth) anyway, you should have seen their faces. They all jumped up and down and screamed, they were so excited! It was so awesome. They were just so happy they all had a ball. They went abit feral at lunch time but at rest time they were all out cold within 15 minutes. Bless their little cotton socks! So today was a pretty good day at work with my little cherubs! I can't believe how quickly time is going already. It's amazing! We're into Feb already! It won't be long until it's my birthday. Not sure what I'm going to do for it yet. I hope it's a good one. I've had a fair few shitty birthdays in my life time AND this one is pretty big, you know 25, quarter of a century! Eeeeek! What to do, what to do. I've got a 40th and a 21st in the space of a few weeks so busy busy! I'm so going to fall into bed and not move tonight, I'm so wrecked! UGH! Haven't been like this is a while! Mind you I haven't worked a full on week in a while either. Anyways I better go, I've started just dribbling crap so I'll stop and let you go back to your much more interesting-er lives hahaa! Love & Fresh mangoes from the tree, CUB

Cub

Cub

 

1 week down 1 week to go!

Well, it's one week down today since I started Optifast. I've lost 4 kgs and quite a few cms all over. I'm pretty happy with this effort, mind you I believe I could have done sooo much better if I had have exercised more. I only went for 1 walk during this week, only because I've been so tired. I wake up in the morning and I just can't get out of bed, so I go back to sleep. Not to worry, this week I am going to make more of an effort to hopefully lose abit more. I would be happy with another 4 but that might be being abit optimistic. Seeing as it's my birthday tomorrow and as a treat I'm going to have an ice cream cake with my family and then on Friday I'm going to go to dinner with my friends. One last shot of Gnocchi just incase I can never eat it again!! Yum!!!! I probably won't get to enjoy much of it, but I was thinking I might bring it home and freeze it and then blend it up when I'm into the Mushies!!! We'll see! So life has been even more hectic, I have no just secured a 3rd job. I'll be looking after a little boy 3 days a week, then my job at the day care centre plus my job at video ezy AND tafe. So I'm going to be a busy girl, I hope I can fit it all in and still have a life. I've pretty much kissed the idea of getting a boyfriend goodbye. With all my committments I don't think I'll have time for one! A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I'm turning 25 tomorrow and I'm quite sad about it. 2 years until my school 10 year reunion. 5 years until I'm 30! ARRRGGGHHHH!!! Scary!! Haha!! So now that my surgery is a week away, I'm starting to get nervous. It's happening. I need to embrace the new life that I will have. Anyway thats enough from me now, CUB

Cub

Cub

 

Back to the drawing board!

Well I didn't get a chance to tell my mum yesterday and it's really driving me nuts! I talk to her about everything and not being able to get this off my chest is UGH! Annoying! You are the only ones that know and that brings me some comfort! atleast. The problem is that I can't get her alone. She worked yesterday and everytime it was quiet and I worked up the courage more customers came in. I was like how dare you!! Anyway that's reason number 1, reason number 2 is because we've had a family friend move into our home and so I can't get my mum on her own for long enough!! If I weren't working tonight it would be the perfect chance because our friend is working late so there'd be about an hour and a half but I'm working. Tomorrow night however, I might be in with a chance!! One good thing is.... I made an appointment with my GP today So on the 25th of Jan, my journey may really start to begin!! I'm very excited and I've written lists to help convince my doctor if she needs it! I've written a list of diets I've done and how many times I've done them each. 13 years is a long time to diet and especially at my age. I hope to God she gives me a referal, I need this so much. All I can see is the end of the tunnel where I'm healthy and happy and SKINNY - for the first time in my life! I wrote two pages on what losing weight will do for me as a person, and I wrote a mere half a page of what it will mean if I don't lose weight. I don't like that page as it scares me but it's true! So, I think I have decided to go with the surgeon Kevin Dolan as everyone sings his praises. I haven't yet been able to ask the two friends of mine who've been banded who their surgeon was, but I'd probably use theirs, who may even turn out to be Kevin, who knows! Anyways, I'm feeling happy that I've taken the plunge and made the appointment to see my GP. May it all get better from here on in! Peace Out!

Cub

Cub

 

Time to pull up my big girl pants...

... and get over it. I'm feeling much better now! I gave myself a lecture for two reasons, one I don't know how much I can trust either of the girls. two I need the money so i wouldn't want to cut my nose off to spite my face SO. It's pulling up of big girl pants and getting on with the job! So a couple of strange things have happened to me in the last couple of days! I had an allergic reaction yesterday, it was quite funny really. I came home for my lunch and it was left overs from the night before which was a pre-marinated steak (from the supermarket) and green beans and as I was driving back to work the little dent between my chin and my bottom lip felt funny, a little dry or itchy or something. Just irritated basicly. Then I got to work and my friend goes to me " what have you been sucking on???" and I cracked up and said probably not what you're thinking of! And she's like no, your lip is purple! So I had these weird coloured lips and so I went and asked my boss and she pointed out that my lip was also swollen! My first well, my second ever allergic reaction!! It's my first lip swollen-ness! Not sure what to think as I had the steak the night before and nothing came of it. So yeah, strange! Also the other night my friend cheekily messaged me and told me her brother in law was coming over for dinner and I should pop round for a cuppa. So I did. Hahaha it wasn't ground breaking or anything, he's such a guy, he watched tv with his brother - very boring haha but ahhh I'd like to know what she has said if she's said anything as I can't imagine she'd be able to keep her mouth shut! I'm pretty sure she said something to one of my bosses as she asked me strange questions about him specificly yesterday so I was ready to kill her (my friend), lucky she had the day off. She won't be so lucky today, I can tell you!!! Haha again, me and beetroot, could be twins! So I'm writing all this thinking, you are a freak, no one on here cares about this stuff and hello how dumb do I sound talking about this guy on here, I don't know why I'm doing it. I suppose it's just been so long since I liked someone really, so it's all abit different! Anyway I'm pretty sure he goes back out to the mines today, probably won't see him again for ages. Boo. So I'm off to get ready for another busy day. 15 toddlers, toileting, fighting, playing, singing, crying... busy, busy, busy! I do love their cuddles though! So cute! I think life took me down this road to prepare me for having children, which I only just figured out! I didn't know I'd be so good at it! Anyway, I'm really going this time! I'm going to eat white bread and nutella. *froth* Peace, Love and Nutella, CUB

Cub

Cub

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