Its been a long time since I wrote here. 7 years ago on November 30th I had a lapband inserted. Today Im reading through my old posts. I have been up and down on this journey. At one stage I regained 18 kilos but have since lost it all again, now sitting lighter than I was at the lightest I got to post surgery. still very slowly losing weight. Still a fatty though. I've had maybe 5 fills in total. I've had no issues with my band. I've seen one sister have her band removed, probably due to over filling, seen a sister have a sleeve, lose weight but have complications. she is now starting to regain. Weight loss is a hard journey for many of us it seems. Im revisiting these forums to try and boost my weight loss again. I hope some familiar faces turn up
I have not written anything in my blog for a long time. I often wonder if anything I write means much at all except it keeps a record of my journey. A bit over three years ago I was pumped, I finally had been banded and I actually believed that maybe at last I had found a solution to what has now been a problem for me for over 45 years. Today to say I'm disillusioned is an understatement, put that together with feelings of self loathing, failure and hopelessness and that would be about the size of it at this moment in time. I am now only 5KG off the weight I was on the day of surgery, about 20kg from my heaviest weight. Ive regained over the last 18 months about 12 kilos, I am disgusted in myself. I dont know where to go from here, I keep trying and failing with my band. Its pretty much a lucky dip as to how each day will play out. some days the band is too tight to eat and out of frustration I eat sliders, other days I can eat anything almost. Ive just coming off a week of chucking up almost every tea time meal and the previous week I did not even feel as if I had a band. My eating habits are now so disorganized. Top that off with spending a couple of days with my sister who was sleeved a year after I was banded watched her being able to eat much of what I cant do and yet she has now lost 79 kilos, looks great while I'm still struggling. I'm also feeling run down and tired so today I hit the shops and got some healthy stuff food wise, going to make up vege soup, eating water melon and berries as snacks. I'm due to get back up to the city to see my surgeon soon, just waiting until after I sorted out my ankle issue. one thing at a time I'm thinking. If my surgeon offered to take the band out and sleeve me Id jump at it, I'm a public patient as is my sister, we both seem to have had the kind f surgery choice taken out of our hands and I feel she got the better deal. Sorry to be moaning but I just had to vent, and yes Ive tried just about everything, Ive been counting calories for the whole time Ive been banded, and yes Ive fallen off the wagon a lot of times but I always pick myself up again. just days like today I am just so tired of this whole struggle, its been going on my whole life, well since about the age of ten, I'm now in my 57th year
Well Today its six months since I was banded. The good thing is I'm a lot lighter. In total I've lost 30 kilos but since operation day I'm only down 15 or so which disappoints me just a little, the loss has been slow. My doctor said last time he was happy with my loss, I was about 400 grams under target for loss over 8 weeks when I saw him. I go back 10th July and I'm hoping for an improvement. I've had these times where I'm sitting at the same weight for ages then all of a sudden it drops and sits again while bouncing up and down a kilo. I think I'm due for another bounce downwards .
I still have a massive amount of weight to lose so 30 kilos to someone who only has another 15 to 20 kilo to lose may seem huge (and it is I guess) for for me having another 50 plus to go it sometimes feels like one step forward, one step back.
To top off all this my doctor lowered my Thyroxine and I'm sure its now not quite right, my skin is drying out again, my hair is crap but I'm unsure if the 4 days of swimming in Chlorinated water a week may be the cause or the thyroid, have to wait another month for blood tests.
Right now Im stressed a bit, My mother has to have cancer surgery on my birthday (next week), the same day I'm attending some photography awards, one of my portraits make the WA finals of clickwest. I have a wedding to do tomorrow and a kids party to photograph on Sunday, put that together with my workload and it spells stress . I have broken a few times and eaten lollies but the next day I've pulled my head in.
Right now the weight is stable and I'm hoping for a loss very soon. Having said all this I would never go back to before the band. On the whole its been the best thing I've done health wise in my life.
I have not added to my blog for a while so thought now was as good as any time. I'm at a kind of bored with it all stage and a little depressed as well about the whole situation. I know I should not be but this is how Im feeling. Its Easter, we have had lindt chocolate balls in the house, I've managed to keep to no more than three a day! Overall for some reason everything is
depressing me at the moment. I just keep bouncing up and down1 kilo. I
ran into an old friend today who had her sleeve done about 11 weeks
before I was banded, she has lost over 40 kilos and never knew I had my
op and proceeded to tell me about all the people she knows who had no
end of problems and failed with the band. Then I told her I was banded
LOL. Love her to bits and I'm happy for her but it just made me doubt myself even more.
I'm doing more exercise but I'm still struggling with my eating issues
and I'm not even really hungry. My friend was saying she NEVER feels
hungry and eats very little, I can say that I do get hunger pangs
however the eating issues are head hunger. I hope I'm just going
through a slump as up until now its been pretty good. Hope everyone is enjoying Easter and not eating too much chocolate
Ok so I have 1 mil in my 10 mil band and slowly noticing I'm eating more than I was a month ago. I've tried to really think about weather its real hunger or not. some days I'm doing ok and I've put in a lot of exercise and that covers the extra calories but days like today when I work (sitting for 80% of the day on our courier run 600ks) I tend to eat more. So today I did a no no and brought a meat pie! calories through the roof, feeling seriously guilty. Monday I head back up to the city and get my second fill. I'm hoping that it will make a difference for me, I do get hungry at times still. I'm also hoping that I can sort out my head hunger issues and welcome any Ideas on this.
well I sure did pick a great day to have my first real stuck moment.
We had to leave home by 12.15 to do a wedding and hubby decided he wanted subway, so as I've had a wrap before I asked him to get me one. We were running late so I probably didn't chew well enough, never ate it all but noticed just before we left I was feeling a bit uncomfortable. Anyway, off we go, a half hour drive to the next town. About 10 minutes in I started feeling really awful, chest pain, body creating mucus, the whole deal. Hubby pulls up and I mange to puke up some mucus (sorry TMI) I asked him to keep going. We got to the next town, still another 15 minute drive to the retreat where the wedding I'm supposed to be photographing is to be held so I went to the public toilets, threw up again, not much coming out food wise. Back in the car and off to the retreat. By this time I'm sweating and feeling bad. We get there and the attendant shows us around the area, I asked about where the toilet was but its in her private residence so I'm like, Geez how embarrassing. So as it was an hour before the wedding is due to start I decide to sit down outside and see if it subsides. No luck. last resort I go out to our car where we have some diet coke, then walked out behind the big water tank, very country area and just cows in the paddock so I stand behind the tank, no-one can see me and I drink a few gulps of coke, threw it up, repeated this another couple of time and finally a piece of onion from the wrap comes up. relief. Thank god I think. But it took a lot out of me, I was feeling quite weak after that but with some juice I recover in time to shoot the wedding and no-one knew. Moral of the story, chew your food well. I never want to go through that ever again
Yesterday I found out my sister had been granted the sleeve operation on the public system, we both applied at the same time and I ended up with the band and was moved to a different hospital. I had been told that there was no sleeve op on the public system, I had asked for the sleeve. My sister was told yesterday that the hospital now does 70% sleeve and 30% bands. Of coarse I felt quite let down by this as her docotr also said they prefer to do the sleeve for the country patients because of the hassle of travelling back and forward for fills etc. So I was quite peeved by this. It sort of sent me into a real mood about the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with my band and I truly appreciate having it done on the public system.
I guess I really couldnt see how far Ive come in a short time. I've lost 20 kilos, 8 since my operation 6 weeks ago yet I just could not see how much difference it was making apart from clothes being a little less tight. Very few people have noticed my weight loss because I am so big. I only have 1 mil in a 10 mil band so I guess the best is hopefully yet to come.
In all honesty I don't know why this upset me. I know my sister would probably be a crap candidate for lapband, she has many more health issues than me and the sleeve may just be the only thing that will help her, yet I felt, I'm ashamed to say jealous!!! In reality I don't want a bigger operation with more risks and more time off work yet I allowed myself to put the sleeve on a pedestal as someone wisely said to me on these forums last night.
Anyway, after a bit of soul searching last night and this morning I decided that I have to try and get more motivated and make this band work really well for me.
Up until 6 months ago for the last three years I have swam laps and done water aerobics, In a year or so I only managed to move about 10 to 12 kilos. Then an ankle injury put a stop to it and I slowly let my membership lapse and stopped going to the pool altogether. Of course any weight I lost had returned anyway as I just could not do much and the increased weight made for more pain.
Well this morning I rejoined the aquatic centre. I walked in and slipped into the pool and it was amazing, the laps Id struggled with a few months back because I was at my heaviest now seem effortless, I swan around 20 laps! I was going to leave it at that but my past aerobics trainer saw me and said "Oh you have turned up for my tough class" !!!! What could I say, I joined in, and yes it was really tough but I finished a 45 minute workout in a class Id never attended before because I just could not keep up. I can only attribute this to the 20 kilo loss. After my trainer came up to me and said "you look as if you have lost a bit of weight" that made my day, finally someone could see it!
So I now feel quite motivated about the band, and if there are future problems with it, so be it. I will cross that bridge when it happens or if it happens. I just added up my calories for the day so far and my exercise has cancelled out everything I had to eat and given me extra for the day as well. This exercise thing is going to be a big bonus and I plan to do laps and aerobics now three days a week! I still cant get over how much difference that 20 kilo has made.
Well I had my first fill a few days ago. It was 6 weeks post banding and I had 1 mil put in my empty 10 mil band. Cant say I even felt it. Afterwards my doctor told me to drink three cups of water which I did no problems, He also said just eat as I have been which surprised me as everyone else is going on fluids. The dietician says since it was only 1 mil in the band its ok but for future top ups to go the fluids route afterwards. Doctor was pretty happy as I've lost 7.5 kilos in the 6 weeks since banding and 20 kilos all up since Oct 19th when he booked my surgery. Now I am happy to have lost 20 kilos but I must say the last month the loss is so slow, only on average 500grms ( I had a big loss straight after surgery) a week which to me seems slow anyway. This last week I only lost 200grms. I am hoping the weight loss starts to increase as in the past on diets I've always managed at least a kilo a week. I have found I feel full on a smaller amount however I still feel as if I am able to eat more than I should for weight loss. I know it took years to gain all this weight so I need to be more patient with the time taken to lose it. I return to see the doctor in mid February and another fill I presume. Id like to have lost 25 kilos by then, heres hoping
well today its 4 weeks since the big day. So far I've lost 18.9 kilos in 10 weeks (since first visit to Dr Yong)
First two weeks were the worst, very sore, hated being on liquids. I have lost over 6 kilos since banding but have learned not to jump on the scales every day as I would get depressed over the smallest fluctuations. I now weigh in once a week.
My calorie intake is probably more than many have. Its anything from 1300 to 1900 usually depending on the day. I have done this as I feel that once I get fill, I will be able to cut down the calories more without hunger pangs and my body will kick in and notice, therefore the weight should start to drop off faster. At least that's what I'm hoping.
I have had my first episode with PBing. This happened yesterday after eating cooked fish from the night before straight from the fridge, not chewing well and eating way faster than I should have. My own fault and a good lesson to learn pre getting a fill.
I still have issues with dealing with head hunger or should I say my wants and needs. I want to eat some of that christmas chocolate in the fridge, but of course I don't need it.
Today I guess I officially am off the soft foods so now the trial and error begins, I know I wont eat cooked salmon again after yesterday
lastly, I have learned that being in contact with other people such as on this forum, those dealing with the same issues, is a great boost. It really helps that I know so many others are out there going through the same things as I am. I wish you all a happy new year and hope that we all can achieve what goals we make for ourselves this year. Thanks for the support all of you. Julie
On my last couple of days of fluids, so over it already but I kept thinking that the good thing would be that Id lose more weight because of it. Initially I lost 3.5 kilos within three days of the op and then a few days ago was down another 500gms. I could live with that. But to get on the scales this morning and see I'm up a kilo is just so depressing. I'm racking my brains as to what I've done differently and the only thing I can see is that I got some bananas and for the past two days I've made a banana smoothy. I've watched the calorie intake, I'm eating about a quarter of calories than I did before this and around the same as on optifast so it really ticks me off. Does this mean when I start mushies I gain more? So this morning I gave the bananas to my Mum and no more banana for me I guess. Its a carbohydrate and I've come to the conclusion it is to blame. so I will be really strict on myself these next two days of liquids and pray the weight drops back off. I didn't get the band to gain weight so I find it quite strange that I could have gained so quickly. It scares the hell out of me just how easy it is to gain and how hard to lose
The recent Professor who wants weight put on children's reports. He may be a smart man but he does not know the mind of the pre-teen girl. When I was at primary school we had a year where our health was being assessed. This was back in the early 1970s. We had everything tested, when it came to the weigh in we were told that "tomorrow children, we are all going to be weighed" "Oh dear" I thought. The girls in my class from memory were nearly all slim, there were a couple of kids on the chubby side but not as big as me. I remember trying to think of ways to get myself sick so I could stay home. My mother was heavily pregnant and the last thing she wanted was me at home. Of course I never got to stay home.
We all got weighed, I remember the sniggers from both sexes when I went up for mine, it was not like they could see what I weighed but to question was out there. I was almost in tears, the previous year Id stood on scales at the local hospital, I had a seriously broken arm and was being weighed before surgery, here I was, a little kid in pain and what did the nurse say? "no wonder the pony bucked you off"!
Later in the lunch break there were a few comments like "did the scale break fatty" but it just sent me home to eat more.
So when I heard this recent news story, all I could see was bitchy kids at school making some other kids lives a misery. I know they want to do something about childhood obesity but this WONT help. What will happen is kids will find a way to wag school if they know its coming, kids will be picked on and feel such a sense of self hate that they will go home and make themselves feel better by eating and sitting in their safety zone at home with family. To top it off I have a brother who is a teacher, they already have way too much to deal with without anything more, they are teachers, not health workers. If they want to do more about fat kids they need to do more outside activity geared at getting all kids of all weight ranges in activities that makes it fun. And in reality the weight issue with children is in the hands of the parents. You don't need a scale to see if your child is getting fat!
I was hoping that after five days Id be feeling a lot better than I am today, I think yesterday was my worse one. I had clammy faint feelings and nausea which I attribute to the pain killers the doctor prescribed me. The issue of gas is still there. This morning I woke up feeling a little better but the feeling of walking around not all there is still here. Very stiff and it still hurts to breathe in a bit, I think the one thing that gets me down is the total feeling of tiredness that I cant budge. yesterday I just kept sleeping on and off all day. Today I have managed to walk the rubbish bin out on the front drive for collection and now feel as if I have run a marathon and I need to sleep again. Cant wait to feel normal again
Well I'm finally banded after a five year wait on the public list. I thought Id write down my experience as so many others have done as it was interesting to read others experiences while I waited to get my operation.
I flew up to Perth on Thursday on one of the windiest days and the flight was pretty rocky, thought I was going to heaven not to hospital LOL. The night before the op I decided to have a meal and it was lovely but to be honest after 4 weeks of optifast fish, chips and salad was way too much and I felt awful for some hours after. fasted from 7.30 onwards.
Friday 30th Nov came and I was up at 4.45am in the hotel, missing the hubby and home already. Had my shower and did the medical wash thing. Taxi to the hospital and I arrived at reception at around 6.25am.
At around 7.10 am I was called and taken to a room with a nice comfy recliner chair with my name above it. I was given a container and asked for a wee sample. That took some time as I had nothing much to pee. Once that was done I settled back and waited and waited. During this time other people came in and took their chairs. There was a really old lady, probably in her 90s waiting as well and she was a bit deaf. It kept us amused listening to the nurses trying to get responses out of her about medical things. At one stage the nurse asked about an ECG and she said yes I had an STD yesterday. was funny.
Finally I got called in and sat down to answer the usual questions re health fasting etc. I had spent a lot of time worrying about if a gown would fit me or if Id get my butt into one of their wheelchairs. I took one look at the supplied undies and told the nurse Id go commando and she was great and gave me two gowns, one for the front and one I put on like a dressing gown. I got weighed and it showed 12-13 kilo loss and then the Doctor came in and he was very happy with that and told me that the most successful people on lapband are those who can comply with the optifast and lose a fair amount of weight before surgery.
Then they wheeled me up to admittance and recovery which was huge, lots of babies and kids coming out of anaesthetic and crying and a few adults moaning, not exactly what I wanted to hear but whatever. The anaesthetist came and spoke to me and then they wheeled me up to theatre. The room seemed very cold and the operating bed seemed very narrow. They told me to take off one of the gowns and slide onto the table which I did. Lay down with your feet touching the end firmly and head on the pillow. That was ok. I then had a mask put over my face, oxygen and some sort of relaxant I was told, I watched the anaesthetist putting the needle in my hand and breathed in deeply and that's all I remember until I awoke in recovery. The pain was not too bad, I registered it around a 7 to 8 out of 10 and they gave me pain relief top ups for a while. after a while they came and took me to my room, I slept for a while and I never noticed the pain from wind until a bit later when the drugs began to wear off. I had a sore throat though which is normal. The Doctor came and saw me and told me he was very happy he had not had to open me up as my huge gall bladder op scar from years back was expected to be an issue, he managed to run all five holes along that scar, bless him. He was so proud of that LOL So that was my day. Oh and I did fit in the wheelchair LOL
Well Ive made it to the city after a rather hairy plane flight in some seriously wild weather and now I'm sitting alone in my hotel room with just my thoughts of this long journey towards becoming a banded person which started over 5 years ago. How I'm feeling right now I cant really describe. I have butterflies in my stomach, and many doubts as to how successful I will be, I know I should not think this way as so far I think Ive done pretty well and I do plan to succeed. My love affair with food is going to have to stop. I often ask myself why I have turned to food most of my life but to be honest I don't really know, I just like food and I have never had that feeling of being full until I have eaten way too much. So I guess the best way of looking at this is 12.5 kilos gone and never to come back if I have my way and hopefully many more to disappear. I'm more than half way through my life and I sure as hell want the second half to be better than the first, so many things I want to do that I have not done for years due to my weight. Anyway its down to the last 9 hours before I front up to the hospital and a whole new journey begins for me. Cant wait to join the rest of you who have already started your journey to better health
Well my weigh in this morning showed around a 300gm loss, brings my weekly total to a 2.4 kilo loss. So now have lost 7 kilos on optifast and 11 kilos since seeing the surgeon. I think the doctor should be happy when I see him next week. I don't think I will bother with the Sunday weigh in as usually there is such a small difference on Thursday its a bit of an anticlimax. So now I'm into the last week and I cant say I've found it really easy or really hard, just boring. My next weigh in will be next Thursday morning, then a couple of hours later I board the plane to Perth, spend a night at the hotel and Friday is the big day. Getting nervous, excited and cant believe after 5 years its going to happen. Here is hoping they don't go and cancel on me :-)
Well I was kind of disappointed at the end of 14 days, on Sunday I had lost 2.3 kilos for the week but got on the scales this morning and no change, if anything up 200gms although that's probably fluid. I was really hoping to hit the 3 kilo mark. Im wondering if my body is becoming accustomed to little food and Im not going to lose more, this does worry me a bit. But anyway onwards into week three and see what happens this week. I guess 4.6 kilo in 2 weeks is not to be sneezed at
I heard this said again today, not about myself but a lady I know, who is nice yes but more than just a nice fat lady, she does not deserve that comment.
I cant count the number of times I heard that saying, you never hear people say, she's thin but she is nice. So that has become one of my most hated sayings. What the #@$@ does weight have to do with how people behave, or how nice they are etc. Apart from the health benefits this is one of the reasons I want to lose this fat, I want to blend in, to be average and not have excuses made for me such as I'm nice so its ok to be fat!
Life will be different when I have lost the weight I know this for sure. I'm 53 now and I can tell you from experience when I lost 60 kilos when I was about 26 I was treated way differently by males and females alike. My nieces thought I was cool, I had more doors opened for me, more people smiled at me in the street. I was torn between being happy and angry, I mean I was the same person as the fat one but had lost some weight, every other aspect of me was the same. Once I put the weight back on I became a nobody again, sad to say but in general I think fat people are seen as lazy pigs with no self control and this is why so many become the jolly fat person because its the only way to endear themselves to others. So to anyone worrying about how different life will be once the weight comes off, Don't, yes life will change but go with it and never forget how you feel today as an over weight person, Once I lose the weight, I never want to go back to this again.
The deal with my 4 weeks opti is any 4 optifast a day, 2 cups of veggies 1 piece of fruit (not banana) low cal fluids jelly black tea and coffee. I was meant to officially start today but started yesterday. I found yesterday hard, followed the rules except I had one extra thing, an extra musilie bar. Today has been different, just had coffee shake (I don't have milk with them) for breakfast, musilie bar for morning tea, lunch was strawberry shake, small apple for afternoon tea. Dinner was opti soup and two cups of broccoli cauliflower and carrots and a cup of diet jelly. Not in the least bit hungry but finding it very boring.
Well it officially starts tomorrow, optifast for 4 weeks. wondering how I will do it right now but I know I will. Got all the shake flavours, but can only find vege soup and no desserts. got the bars though. Looks like low cal jelly is going to be my friend in the dessert department. Roll on November 30th. Strangely the only treat I gave myself today was a vanilla slice after tea which was a healthy choice TV dinner. I'm gonna miss milk in my coffee, that's for sure.
I was driving along at work yesterday (I'm a long distance courier a couple of days a week) and thinking about things in general and pondering my upcoming lap-banding when it suddenly hit me that I'm 53 and I've wasted so many years being FAT. I first knew I had a weight problem at around 8 years of age, the teasing started at around 9 and the worst year in my memory was when I was around 14 at high school, I don't even like to think about those days, suffice to say that while my two sons were growing up I had to control myself if anyone looked as if they would dare to pick on them as I'm sure Id have punched a kid out. I stayed away from those issues and they rarely came up anyway, my sons have grown up with no serious weight issues.
The dieting and self loathing began at around 15 for me and that's what I was thinking about yesterday, I realised that for 45 years I've had to deal with weight issues and for the best part of 38 years I've hated my body. There were short periods where I liked myself as I would lose a lot of weight and feel worthy again but then Id stuff up, gain weight and it was back to self hate again.
I actually found tears in my eyes thinking of this, I would not wish these feelings on anyone and when I look through these forums and see 21 year olds doing something early about their weight issues I'm pleased to think they wont waste as many years as I have. So now I'm trying to get positive and hope this whole lap-band journey is going to work, I don't want to be skinny, I just want to blend into a crowd like all the other middle aged woman, and maybe just once in a while it would be nice to dress up and look HOT
The photo of me is about 4 weeks ago, I was over in Wales on my first overseas trip. Much of the trip I enjoyed but some of it was hard, worrying if the aircraft belt would fit, not being able to put the food table down on the plane, worrying about the sorts of chairs available in different places, all these things are what fat people deal with every day. I have struggled with weight since I was a child, I have lost and regained my whole body weight over and over in my 53 years and now I'm sick of it. Five years ago I put myself on the public list for a lapband through sir Charles Gairdner hospital in Perth. I waited two years for my first appointment. followed all they asked of me, had myself tested for sleep apnoea and forked out a fortune for a machine which has since broken down. I never felt it helped anyway. another 18 months passed and I had lost enough weight to make the surgery list. I was told it would be a year from that date, It should have happened in Feb 2012 but I never heard back, in the time from last christmas I had issues with an ankle and gained 15 kilos having given up all exercise. Then in June I received a called from the hospital saying they were moving me to another hospital (Joondalup) I said "whatever", had more or less given up hope by this stage. anyway long story cut short I had my appointment this week and the doctor booked me in for surgery right away. So my date is fixed at November 30th 2012. I have to start optifast on 2nd November for 4 weeks due to a large scar the doctor believes will make the op more difficult but I don't care. I'm wondering how I will cope with 4 weeks of optifast! But I know this is it, there is little more I can do and I'm over this body and all the restrictions that comes with it. I'm a photographer and lately I have missed some awesome experiences due to my weight, things I want to do like go in a chopper and do some aerial photography (there is no way Id fit the belts or give my weight to the pilot anyway) Id love to climb the areas up north of WA, but in reality I've always known Id probably have a heart attack. So I am sitting here now thinking about how things will pan out over the next few weeks, I'm scared of failure more than having the operation. But at the same time I'm on a high as well. Its a strange feeling really. wish me luck