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bringing out the skinny girl from the fat body!!!

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help!!!!

Im stressing... I have been able to eat alot more these days and dont feel full or restricted im also able to eat most foods which I wasnt able to do before just wondering if this would indicate having a pouch or what ppl refer to as a slip.. I have no reflux and am able to eat most things unlike before. Im keenly waiting for monday morning to make an appointment with my doctor... just wondering if I can request for a barium swallow test to be done.... I was banded by prof paul obrien and I visit the glen iris office does anyone know if they perform the tests there or if they send u somewhere else.... im so worried ive done something to my band....

determined20

determined20

 

Wow its been awhile

Well its been awhile since Ive posted here. Been and done bootcamp it was awesome and I would recommend it to everyone to try however it was getting a bit to expesive for me so I had to give it up and now have a gym membership. In regards to my weightloss I am not losing at much as most all up probably 15kgs in the last 6 months which dont get me wrong Im happy about but I guess we always want more. LARRY the band has been doing well no major stuck moments or anything like that i do have much more in my band than I thought i would i think im up to 6.3 There are moments i still get hungry or I feel on certain days i can eat more which worries me and I hope I havent developed a pouch or something like that. I have started to get pains in my left hand side of my stomach pains like a stitch or a pulled muscle when you work out too much but I havent been working out too much so unsure what this could be. I have been googeling like crazy trying to workit out and now I have got myself into a panic thinking I have made my band slip eeek. Tried to call the nurse today but she was busy so waiting for a call back... arrgh Im prob just stressing but I cant explain the pain on my side and cant explain how i can eat more than i think i should be able to eat at certain times having so much of a fill. Any feedback or information would be welcome from all of you I hope you are all doing well on your journeys.. oxoxox

determined20

determined20

 

OK so i did it. went to bootcamp

So I started bootcamp and Im aiming to go a minimum of 3 times a week. My first day of bootcamp was a wake up call omg I nearly died or thought i was going to. As each day went by I feel like im able to do more and the pain has subsided. All in all just checking in to show that I am alive and bootcamp didnt kill me like i thought it would. Another plus note I have reached my 10kg mini goal yay.. doesn't seem like a lot but its a start... Also I have been going through clothes to find all my clothes that were too tight before and i can actually fit into a few double YAY!! I have also come to the conclusion I am a clothes hoarder I have found so many CITY CHIC clothes that still have TAGS on them that i havent worn and well dont fit might have to get on EBAY and sell sell sell for a new wardrobe yay.. hope everyone is ok and doing well

determined20

determined20

 

2nd fill for Larry

Soo Larry had his second fill last week. I am now up to 5ml in my band. I have lost around 7kgs since i had surgery on the 24th of March most of my weight came off in the first few weeks of liquid and mushy. Since i have gone to normal food i have been stuck not moving up or down... Its all a bit disheartening when I think about how much less i eat now and the weight is just not moving. I have started to walk and am hopefully going to start bootcamp next week which I am really scared about as i my fitness level is really low and i havent worked out in over a year.. I hope this will be the kick start i need to start seeing the weight coming off. Stil having alot of head hunger esp at night once the kids are in bed. I try to keep myself busy by doing any hobbies or just try and keep my hands busy by knitting or crocheting this seems to work and i dont find myself wandering around the pantry for food. I guess i just have to get myself into gear and im hoping the working out will start showing the scale go down.. will update after a week of bootcamp if im not dead from it.. arrrrgh

determined20

determined20

 

FIRST FILL for LARRY the BAND YAY

SO Larry the band had its first FILL, YES i have named my band LARRY!!!! lol Professor advised me that i had 3.5ml when LARRY was put in and he added another 1ml he said i would prob end up going to around 6 to 7 mls but everyone is different and we will go slow and try and work out where my green zone is. Im so glad to get the fill as last week i was starting to get hungry and was eating way more than i should be which was much more than the 1/2cup of food. So Im happy about the meal. The one thing that did surprise me about getting the fill was I asked him how long I should go on liquids for after the fill and he said this information was not in the book and this is not something he practices. He advised to just eat as per what i was eating before which i thought was great but still a bit surprised as i have read in a few places that many ppl after a fill go on liquids and then mushies for a couple of days. I was a bit worried to eat my first meal but as per the professors advise everything was A-OK I just chewed chewed chewed and ate small bitefulls every minute. All together since having the band I have lost just over 5 kgs. Professor wants me to exercise around 60 mins a day which I need to try and do, at the moment just walking. Today I walked 4.45kms so hopefully i will be able to continue walking more and then hopefully try running. LOL i might be getting too far ahead of myself Im thinking of going to bootcamp but not sure if i want to kill myself just yet lol so might just stick to walking everyday and go from there until i feel i am a bit fitter.. dont want to die in the first 10 mins of bootcamp. I have my next app in 2 weeks. Professor also looked at my incision the one I thought was infected. He advised the wound was still very sensitive but it wasn't infected however was taking its time healing due to opening up. THANK GOD its not infected!!! So Ive tried to eat more things now I had a wrap the other day my first attempt of carbs I havent attempted bread or rice or pasta yet as Im scared of getting stuck but i know everyone is different and I have to try all types of food and see what i can deal with and what i cant. for now no stuck moments so long as i chew chew chew... LARRY is making me very aware of the food i am eating and the time I am taking to consume it. I have found myself eating at times too fast and not chewing and then have to stop eating to ensure that mouthful didnt get stuck.. arrrrgh just need to remember to not shovel food in my mouth and to take my time... This is my Journey and its progress so far. PS EASTER is killing me with all this chocolate around!!! hurry up and be over!

determined20

determined20

 

Infection

SO went to the GP on the weekend and confirmed that my incision where my port is was infected so was given some antibiotics and was told to see the nurse so she can clean out the incision. Since then I have been trying to regularly clean my incision which is now half opened and all white yellowy colour. I can put in an cotton bud inside and clean it without hurting at all but obviously dont want to cause any more problems so have just cleaned it with antispectic and put a waterproof band over it. Unsure what else I should be doing. I am taking the tablets prescribed and am hoping this will get better. Might have to call Prof's Nurse tomorrow to find out if I should come in or if i should just continue on. The joys of this procedure. Anyone else have infected incisions what did u do to keep it clean and help it dry up??

determined20

determined20

 

Frustrated!

So let me just start off by stating I have an amazing husband and I know whatever he does is because he loves me and wants to see me succeed............ However..... I feel like Im doing the wrong thing all the time as DH (dear hubby) keeps pointing out how much i should be eating what i should be eating and when i should be eating. So yesterday having dinner Im in the mushy stage at the moment so I made myself some roasted sweet potato and roasted egg plant with some steamed salmon which was flaked up. I used a small side bread plate and put two pieces of eggplant and two piece of sweet potato along with a 1/4 of the piece of salmon flaked up. DH automatically thinks this is too much mind you this all fits on the tiniest plate we have in the house but DH brings out the 1/2 cup measuring cup and proceeds to tell me the food i have served is not half a cup. I explained to him that if that food was pulverised it would be 1/2 cup just like professor's video most foods have a lot of water content so just because of the size doesn't mean that its 1/2 cup advised if i proceeded to mash all my food up it would fit into 1/2 cup. Anyways thats one then I was talking to DH and was telling him how I am feeling more hungry now and how i had a snack (1/2 chicken in a tin so 50grm chicken mashed up) I thought i was being really good as previously i would have eaten biscuits, chocolate etc however i had protein I was very proud of myself .. but DH tells me i shouldn't be eating snacks and i should stick to the three meals and only be eating these three meals if im hungry. Had to explain that the band is in at the moment and there is no fill, the reason i have not been hungry previously is due to the swelling etc and as this subsides I will get hungrier thats why we have to go back to get a fill. DH tells me thats not what the book says and maybe I should read the book one more time!! DH goes to work this morning and after i make all the kids beds and feed the bub i go into our bedroom and there left out is THE BOOK opened up at the page about satiety and not snacking... REALLY REALLY thats what its come to... arrrgh My day since being banded and being on mash consists of: 1 weetbix with milk 1/2 cup tuna with mashed potato for lunch and dinner was what i wrote above with the exception of the chicken tin snack I also have tea and water I dont know what more i can do of course im going to get more hungry as the swelling wears off and until i get my fill but I just dont think he gets it. He is thinking (you've got the lap band you better not stuff it up) I know he loves me and this is all because he cares but am I being unreasonable in getting frustrated about this. I dont know

determined20

determined20

 

Week 1 Post OP feeling blaise

So its been a long week. my emotions are all over the place i dont know what i am doing sometimes i find myself thinking what have i done to myself how am i going to be able to live like this will I ever eat normal food again or is my life going to be all about soup and yoghurt.. And then Im also scared of eating normal food what if it gets stuck omg what will happen how will i handle it.. so much going through my head. Go out to dinner and what will i be able to eat will i be able to eat ? I find myself craving salads, meat, chicken vegetables.. and then i think to myself when u could eat all of these u made such poor choices in food that u ended up being so over weight. Now that u might not be able to eat this food all im doing is craving it.. Liquid phase has been ok Im not really hungry more thinking about when i can finally eat something will i be able to eat normal food. Im reading peoples comments and blog about what they eat and they seem to eat most things I hope I will be able to do this. My left side of my tummy is still sore esp when i take deep breaths in or if i Yawn/Cough I wonder if its just because im sore from the op or is it from the Hiatus hernia they fixed unsure as i didn't even know i had this until after the operation On a plus note after all the above whinging! I weighed myself this morning and down 4.5kgs which is AWESOME i would never have been able to do that on my own without my BAND. I guess this is just the band world which is full of ups and downs and i have to roll with it. Week one finished. Beginning Mushy Phase today.. I had 1 weetbix with a lot of milk which seemed to go down ok. Haven't had anything else since other than water... Anyone reading this have any ideas for some first mushy meals to try ??

determined20

determined20

 

YAY IM NOW ON THE BAND WAGON

POST OP DAY 2 SO yesterday was the big day hubby to me to the Avenue and we go there a bit early my admission time was 6.30 and we ended up at 6. The reception was great took all my details down along with the payment for the excess private heath. Then went upstairs and was checked into my room which was pretty nice and big compared to the rooms i was stuck in when i had my 3 kids. Anesthesiologist Jenny came in and checked on me to make sure i didnt have any further questions she was able to give me all the information i needed in being able to feed my 6month after the surgery and was able to disperse all my fears which was awesome. Next in was Professor Obrien who was able to give me more information to read up on in regards to the surgery and eating afterwards. was given a sexy gown to get into with sexy hospital underwear that made me feel like a was in diapers wow they were MASSIVE lol that was my highlight of the day hahahahaha Hubby was able to stay with me in the room as was kept occupied watching movies on the TV which was great. Was taken in for surgery at 7.45 was put on to the surgery table and oxygen mask put on with the dreaded intravenous drip which was pretty painful as they had to try a couple of times as apparently i had small veins!! ( Me thinking thats probably the only thing small on me but not for long hahaha) after this I was gone to lala land and woke up in recovery with an oxygen mask over me and this enormous elephant sitting on my chest/shoulder area arrrrrgh now that was the worst ever found myself thinking all kinds of things first of all being.. WTF have i done omg why did i do this so that went on for the first 15 minutes while i was coming to.. I was then moved into my room at 9.45 where hubby was waiting for me and I guess for the next hour after i was in and out of sleep. Woke up and sipped some water, Nurse kept coming in and checking my temp and pressure. was up and about by 11 ish changed into my clothes as i had to get out of the NAPPY underwear just wasn't a good look ... plus i felt if i get back into my on clothes I will start feeling better sooner. By 1.30 I was ready to go home went down to the pharmacist to get some pain killers 5 tablets of ENDONE. and then on our way home.. wish I bought a pillow for the ride as it was a bit bumpy and i could feel every bump. Got home and was so happy to see the kiddies... had to tell them mummy had a sore back and wasnt feeling well so i dont get stacked on! was able to drink some juice along with a cup of tea and water for the rest of the night. had to get kids lunch ready for school. Wasnt hungry at all so this was great. GAS PAIN continued to be there so i popped on some heat packs and was napping for the rest of the day until bed time. took two panadols before bed incase of any pain while im sleeping. DAY 1 is over and so far so good. For all you future banders I recommend you take your own pillow as this will help you if u need to cough or sneeze or even on the ride home with the bumps just hold it firmly on your tummy for the support when coughing. I forgot my pillow Also another note on something i wish i had with me... Take some good lip balm due to the fasting and then not being able to gulp down water as quick as i wanted to my lips were really dry so this would have helped. Also as my mouth was really dry from everything i wish I had my toothbrush with me so i could brush my teeth after the whole surgery as my mouth was so dry and yuk!!! thank god i was able to chew on some gum! GOOD LUCK to all considering this journey its not has bad as u might think or read. I have to admit this was much easier than going through a CSECTION and the pain is so much more bearable so dont be put off by the pain aspect of it instead think about your future healthy self.. all the best to everyone

determined20

determined20

 

OMG its actually Happening.. JOURNEY BEGINS

Wow I cant believe it after wanting this for over 8 years its finally happening. Its 5am in the morning now as i get ready to leave home with hubby to the hospital for pre admission at 6.30am. Havent been able to get much sleep with a cranky baby and me being a bit anxious ive probably only had a couple hours at most. I dont know what to expect and I guess will have to take everything as it comes. My mum is a bit concerned not really understanding why i want to do this but she supports me and thats the main thing. Hubby will be staying with me through out the whole thing which is great.. let the journey begin. There will be ups and downs but this is for me and is my journey and only i can make it achievable. lets go!

determined20

determined20

 

less than 2 weeks to go YAY!!

OK Im getting excited less than 2 weeks to go. I haven't heard from the hospital so i started freaking out thinking they might not have received my paper work yet or even worst my papers had got lost in the mail. I was told i would receive a call from the hospital to ensure everything was confirmed however nothing yet so 9am this morning i find myself calling the administrations department of the hospital to ensure everything was ok and yes the paper work has been received. Now to make my payment tomorrow and we are on our way. I cant believe after years of wanting this and talking about it, its finally happening wow.. i remember going with my husband to seminars 8 years ago and now after 3 kids its finally my turn to do something for myself I cannot wait to get this journey started. i know my last couple of blogs seems a lil unsure and i guess negative but i am really looking forward to this. I have even bought myself a goal dress its a size 14 dress something to work towards. now lets start this thing

determined20

determined20

 

Massive blow up

Had a massive blow up with the hubby last night and now when i think about it i dont even know how it all started. But I think the gist of it is hubby feels i should be doing more before i get the band eg try eating 1/2 cup of food go for walks everyday etc. Buy my thing is If i could eat this way and work out the way he wants me to why would i need the band. I need the band to help me not feel hungry. Anyways the gist of our argument is i thought he had agreed to do something with me and walk with me everyday but he turned around and just said i need to do things for myself and he shouldnt have to do it with me.. things go heated up and obviously lots more were said. I feel bad now i know my husband loves me and wants to support me and i dont want to argue with him about things. he feels i should be doing more before my surgery but I feel if i could be losing weight without the lap band why am i getting the lap band in the first place. I know he is probably right and i should be eating less and working out more before my surgery but the surgeon didnt say i had to do any of that. So I thought to myself I might as well get myself ready for after the surgery and think about what i will be eating for the first two weeks of liquids and mushies. Also need to look at what vitamins to buy and also any other medication like pandol to buy also read about something to buy for GAS pains. If anyone can given me some advise or ideas that would be greatly appreciated. Feeling kinda deflated after last night he has never yelled like that before but maybe thats the kick in the butt i need to realise this journey is mine alone and no one can help me and i have to do it on my own. I have to be the one to motivate myself and not depend on anyone else.

determined20

determined20

 

FATGIRL MINDSET wont leave me

I know that everyone has said they go through this but im starting to second guess myself is this what i want. Im thinking of stupid things like maybe i should try and do this on my own eat healthy and exercise joe blogs is working out and losing weight maybe i can do it tooo.. what am i saying SNAP OUT of it you haven't been able to do it for yourself for the last 20 years your not going to be able to do it now. The Lap band is the best thing and will help you achieve your goal. I know the lap band is not the solution and a lot of hard work is needed so im not delusional that way my head it just full of thought am i doing the right thing will this work for me.. Just need to be positive right now and all i find myself doing is eating crap. Im craving chocolate and sweets and am eating more than i normally will be. Its like my mind is thinking i will never be able to eat this food again might as well go nuts now... why couldn't i just be strong and not eat crap and walk away from chocolate and biscuits etc why am i so weak.. 3 weeks to go until i am banded and my mindset is still of a fat girl i hope this will change and i hope i wont fail.. god help me.. why cant their be a switch in my head to stop the negative thoughts from entering and fearing the unknown. Yes Im scared, Im scared this is not going to work and i will be fat forever and hate myself Im scared this wont work and I will end up being alone... Just so much in my head. I sit hear and think about how i will start walking every day to help me a but before i get the lap band but i just make excused Im tired, the kids need me, blah blah blah... I need to make a change and i pray to go I am able to and this will be a step in the right direction to get this fat girl to love herself and be the person she needs to be. I want to stop thinking so negatively about myself and i just cant help it... i hope something changes soon.

determined20

determined20

 

Booked for the 24th of March

So I am booked the the 24th of March with Professor Paul Obrien. Why is it now after so many years of wanting this surgery done I am now scared and thinking the worst. Why am i doing this to myself. I am sitting here just thinking if this is for me am i doing the right thing what if this doesn't work for me just like everything else I have tried Im so scared Im going to fail. Im over thinking alot of things like what will i tell ppl. When ppl see what I am eating what should i say. I dont want to tell ppl about my band as I have a circle of friends I know would just not agree and bitch about it. Plus I feel this is for me and therefore its no one elses business. I hope losing weight will not change relationships for the worst but make it better. Has anyone found that when they started losing weight friends you thought were friends and who would be happy for you would just make comments like omg your starving yourself!! how do you live on that much food?? whats the point in getting the surgery done if you cant enjoy life and eat what you like?? I hope things get better and my inner circle of ppl i care about will stick by me and be there for me through out the journey and to all the HATERS well i will just have to wave goodbye too anyways lets see what this journey holds ahead for us all... hope everyone is having an awesome day.. HAVE you all told your friends and family you are banded and how did they react?

determined20

determined20

 

Decision : LAP BAND

So after all the umming and ahhhing and reading and watching you tube vidoes and reading blogs I have made the decision to have the lap band surgery. I thought both have their pros and cons however might as well get something done that can always be removed if need be and this way if LAP BAND isnt for me atleast i have the option of the Sleeve. Booked my surgery for the 24th March.. very excited and nervous I hope everything goes well.. Now to get more reading done and prepare and get my mindset right.. If you have any advise for me in regards to the Lap band surgery and preparation please comment i would love to hear back from all of your experiences. thanks

determined20

determined20

 

LAP BAND or GASTRIC SLEEVE?

so after all my reading last night I find myself more confused on if I should get the lap band or the gastric sleeve. I have read through so many blogs comments and articles but I am so confused.. My best friend has told me about her friend who lad the lap band surgery and how it didnt work for her and instead she had a slip and had to go in for further surgery, she then got the gastric sleeve and my friend says she raves about it stating it was better than the lap band as she didnt have much problems eating certain foods as per what she did with the band... Anyone like to share any personal experience on the situation.. why did u decide to get the LAP BAND and not the GASTRIC SLEEVE or vice versa why did you get the Gastric Sleeve and not the band... would love to hear from you all out there... Hope everyone is having an awesome Australia Day

determined20

determined20

 

Annoyed!

So last night i got stuck readying the information on this forum and i must say reality started to set in I have wanted this surgery so bad that i have not thought about how I am going to get through the first couple of days after the surgery. Every post/blog I read about the day after the operation spoke about alot of pain ect it made me start thinking about what measures I can put in place to ensure everything runs smoothly for me I know everyone has different outcomes after surgery but every blog i read spoke about how the pain was and how it was hard to move around and being tired and unable to do anything. I have 3 kids 4 and under my youngest being 4 months who is still breastfed I need to ensure I am able to take care of them etc so this made me think maybe I might need to hold off a few months till i get this done.. I tried to speak to my husband about my concerns and he just seems to think im over reacting and should just stop thinking so much and get it done. Am I wrong in thinking the way I do i just want to make sure I will be able to take care of the kids whilst he is at work or that I have the adequate support needed to take care of the kids is this an unreasonable thought to be having.. anyways he just made me feel like I cant even discuss my concerns with him or talk about putting steps in place. I hope everything will run smoothly and I wont be in too much pain where i wont be able to take care of my kids. I would love to hear about anyone else's procedure and how they felt the day after surgery .... I like to be organised as much as i can i dont want to be worried about looking after my kids whilst also going through pain so would like to get as much info as possible to what i can expect after the operation if anyone would care to share please comment.. thank you so much for reading

determined20

determined20

 

Getting Nervous

SO not long to go until my app with Prof Paul Obrien not too sure what to expect but I am very excited to get this all happening. Still need to work out how I will be paying for this I am covered through medi bank however will still have nearly $5000 Gap to pay. Im hoping I will be able to speak to my parents about a loan and pay them back now I need to prepare myself on how to approach the situation. My parents are old school and might not consider this surgery something necessary as they will just think i shouldnt have it as i am married and have kids.. But I know I will have to have a good chat with them to make them understand how much i need this and hope they will agree to help me. Also need to speak to the professor about how possible it will be to get this done while I am still breastfeeding or will I need to stop breastfeeding. So many things to consider. My hubby thinks im over thinking everything but i want to make sure i breastfeed my baby for as long as i can so i hope this wont interfere too much or I might have to look at expressing before i get the surgery done and have a good supply in the freezer for my baby. Wow its like my mind is running 100 miles an hour so many thoughts going through my head and so many things to consider. I am scared this might not work I am worried that I will still be over eating. I had the guts to tell my best friend about what i was looking at getting done and I think she is freaking out she is worried about all the things that might go wrong. She has been telling me about her friend who got it done and how the lap band didnt work for them and how they continued to over eat and ended up having problems with the band where it slipped and had to get it removed. Im getting a bit worried now. I kind of wished I didnt tell my friend i should have kept it to myself as now i feel she is being very negative about it and finding all these side effects of things that could occur. I getting scared I dont want things to go wrong where i would put more financial burden on my family to get thing fixed I have my children to consider. arrgh so many things running through my mind i just want to get to the appointment so i can speak to the professor and have it over and done with ... Hope the next few days go by quickly. thanks for reading my ramblings

determined20

determined20

 

Finding the skinny girl in the fat body entry 1

So a bit about myself, I have always been overweight since i was young I have always been told I was fat or my favourite line.. " you have such a beautiful face" which pretty much means wow pretty face too bad about the rest of you. Growing up I was always the fat chick in the group I felt insecure and looking back now i would love to be the weight i was back then. I have since grown up and found the man of my dreams and we have had our three beautiful children together but yet i am still the insecure girl i was many many years ago and even more so now. i now weigh 94kgs and am only 150cm which gives me a BMI of 42. I have tried everything to lose weight, every program, every tablet every new diet that comes along and nothing seems to be working I need to get my life back in check. Right now Im just so sick of seeing me, I hate looking at the mirror as i hate the person looking back at me.. Im ashamed of how big I am this is effecting not just my life anymore but also my children and my husband. My kids are still young and I want to be around for them and I want them to remember me as a mother who did things with them and not just stayed at home as Im not happy with myself to go out. Every time I need to go somewhere its like a panic attack occurs trying to find something that will look half decent to wear. Half the time I wish i could just stay home and not have to leave so ppl dont see me. I rarely wear any colour any more and my wardrobe is just black black and more black.. I feel like i'm stuck mourning for a life i want. I have an amazing husband who loves me so much and supports me in everything i want to do but i just seem to be pushing him away more. I don't want to be intimate as i just don't feel for it Im assuming its due to the weight I don't know why but Im also thinking its because i don't find myself attractive how could anyone else... I need to regain my life back and i'm hoping that the lap band will help me do this. I know this is not a quick fix and there will be alot of work involved but I am ready for this and I feel the lap band will help me achieve my goals. I have made my first appointment with Professor Paul O'brien for the 28th Jan and I am looking forward to this. Im hoping this is the first step to get myself back on track and be the person I want to be. Lets hope 2014 will be my year

determined20

determined20

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