Wow wow and yep wow, it's been a while since I put fingertips to keyboard for a blog and it's time to rant as alot has happened. But firstly I am scrolling through the forum as I do, using the Next Topic arrow (bottom right of the pages) in the Private Members Forum. Top 4 topics are embarrassed and ashamed of weight gain, how do you stay motivated, so disappointed in myself and need some motivation. I'm sitting here and it's painful to read. Not in a judgmental way but in a it hurts my heart way. Have we not all experienced teasing as a kid due to our weight, years of feeling out of place or wondering if this chair will hold me? For so many of us we have stood up and done something about it by having WLS and yet we are still beating ourselves up with powerful words such as disappointed in myself, ashamed and stupid. For those that do not know me as well as others, please don't see me as someone who preaches all the positive stuff and is one of those people who is like a vomiting rainbow of happiness where ever she goes. I've spent my time in the dark and now realise I don't need to anymore. Shedding 40 kilos has made a heap of difference and yep I still have more to lose but damn, we are still living our lives aren't we? I reckon I could chase a kilo or two to lose for ever if I wanted and NEVER be content. But that isn't living is it? So many of you inspire me and motivate me, in ways you do not even realise... so I'm asking as a fellow WLS buddy be nice to yourself, you are a success and you aren't defined as what you lose or eat or gain in a week.
As for me, well the reversed T2 Diabetes is stabilising well. Blood test this month to confirm but BSL's are good. I'm going to have a small amt of 0.5ml removed from my band at the end of the month as I am taking an impromptu trip to London, Paris and Amsterdam! Yes very exciting and I am bursting at the seems about it. So to air on the side of caution (like my NZ trip last year) I will have a bit of fluid removed. Then it will stay out for a while as I am off to Bali for a week for a wedding in September. If anyone has a must see place in any of these locations let me know and I will add it to the list.
Perth has been chilly lately and my band is affected by the cold this winter, unlike last winter as much. Yesterday I went out for lunch and had a Mushroom and Leek Risotto. Was awful and dry (I blame the Chef!) and I couldn't get it down at all. And yet at dinner time, fish, roast veg and stewed apple afterwards all went down a treat. So many foods are still fickle and others well, are just a delight. Bread and toast are fine and wraps, especially toasted ones, but I am choosing not to eat them as it makes me crave the bad carbs like chips. Which is my weakness (and KFC Potato and Gravy ) but sometimes choices are limited and a small sandwich is okay. I recently worked at Supanova and loved it! 3 days of long hours but as a Supanova volunteer sandwiches were supplied so this was one such instance where a sammich saved the day. And yes Supanova was awesome! Had my photo taken with Adam Baldwin *girly giggle* he is sooo sexy!
Time for some breakfast and a walk. It's 7.30am here and currently 4.1C brrrr time to bust out the beanie. Be safe everyone and kind to yourself xo
What's that noise? lol No it's not my stomach rumbling, surprisingly!
Some days I feel like I rattle when I walk. Pills for diabetes, SIBO, epilepsy, multivitamins, anxiety, anti-depressants.... god forbid I get a headache or migraine and need to break out the big guns.
But this week I had an exciting moment. The blood results came back I had been waiting for. I had been on Diabex (Metformin) 1000 mg 3 x daily since being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. After attempting to control it with that medication, diet and exercise for a while, clearly that didn't work so I was put on a second tablet, Onglyza (saxagliptin) and have been on both ever since.
Starting this weekend the Onglyza is no more. And the Diabex which has been slowly reducing, will now be 500 mg twice a day only. I realise now I am super accountable for my sugar readings and need to be extra vigilant with intake. It's a little nerve wracking as I've been on this concoction for so long now, everything has been "in balance".
I knew it was coming, to juggle the medications, but in the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder will this mess with my seizure medication? or depression drug? or anything else? Am I on too much now I'm over 30 kg lighter? The blood tests shows the Diabetic medication was and thought my Diabetes is fine to go it more alone, but what about the rest?
Ahhh with as many exciting moments and great feelings this weight loss comes with, there sure is some challenging decisions ahead. My weight is sitting at 115-116kg again. I'm blaming the increase of salt and carbs to my diet on GP advice due to low B/P. And despite working out like a demon on crack...the scales are not budging.
The adventure continues.......
2015 is here and January is nearly gone already, what the heck! Fortunately this little duck is organised and just before the new year, I wrote out some goals for myself and so far I am doing good.
For the first time in 15 years, I went to Perth Skyworks. I've always avoided it due to my fear of crowds, anxieties of no restrooms and lack of parking and access to "getting out" if I needed to in a hurry. This year was different. I just went, I had a great time and despite some traffic delays on the way home, I had no worries. At times like this, I must admit, how many other things didn't I do because of what might of happened? How much have I missed out on? Do others ever wonder that too?
I went on a break away down south too. Rode a go kart and a bike. They say "it's like riding a bike"... I'd like to debate that crap. I nearly face planted multiple times, much to the delight of my nephew and nieces lol but it was fun nonetheless. I ended up going 100m or so and that was enough till next time. I enjoyed it and that conquered another fear I had about my balance.
This Summer in Perth has been hot. We reached a 44.3 and the former AB would've laid in the air-conditioning, complained about the heat, eaten garbage to feel better then complained some more. But I've been good this Summer. Spending early mornings at the beach for a swim or a walk. Some late nights going for a walk too. I put RunKeeper on my iPhone and I love it!
I am hoping to do 2 events this year. The HBF Run for a Reason and The Color Run. I've not done anything like these before and I am a little nervous. Family is offering support and participation! I'm considering Tough Mudder in October, but perhaps this year I may not be ready for that.....just yet!
I started HBF Fitness classes outdoors again this year. I did a skills test on Tuesday night and was able to plank for 4 minutes. 100 crunches and 50 pushups. For me this was a great set on a day that was 37C. I felt good afterwards but definitely was depleted!
Personally I'd like to learn the art of Bonsai. I attended an expo before Christmas and found it fascinating. I think finding an activity that isn't about sweating and running around all the time, could be good for me. I like doing creative things. I recently painted a wall in my house with blackboard paint so I could draw on it inspirational words and clouds when I felt like it. It's been wonderful. And when people come over, they can leave encouraging words to inspire me or just happy thoughts.
My WLS Surgeon has revised my weight loss goal to 85kg now. He has issued a referral for a massive amt of blood work to be taken (again) and that is booked for the end of February. I feel good since the last fill of 0.25ml last week. Fills for me will now be small, slow and steady. 4.75ml in total in my band as at today. I have had it at 5.0ml, but getting to that amt proved tough in one go. I am not hungry, but I snack due to restlessness sometimes and environment. For example: watching a movie makes me want to have a cuppa and a cookie. I find now I resist watching tv as much as possible. Keeping hands busy doesn't work for me anymore on the couch.
Oh and I love the CuisinArt I got for Christmas. This machine blends everything! Absolutely fabulous and is great for the summer fruity drinks.
This will be a great year for me, my bandiversary on 16th April, new events, new hobbies and new goals. I look forward to sharing them with you all. Thanks for your support, giggles and advice.
This will be my last blog for the year, so it might a whopper....
My birthday, 13th March, held special significance this year, it was my first appt with my Surgeon for WLS. From that day forth this year has been a whirlwind. All of my WLS journey is documented in my profile, so I shall spare the double up on typing. But if anyone has read that, they will know of my ups and downs. Even as recent as the past few weeks having fluid put back in after my NZ holiday, to fluid being removed (same amount) because I could barely swallow my own saliva! The sad part being, the amount I had in, was what I had in the band before my holiday. So now I sit with 4.5ml for Christmas, feeling like I have little to no restriction, alot of port pain (needle got bent on fluid withdrawal) and with the Surgeon away for Christmas, my results from Friday's ultrasound will be sitting on his desk until 5th January 2015.
Setback yes, but with that said, I have lost 32 kgs this year, B/P is good, cholesterol is great, I can walk, jog, swim and do things I never thought possible. I have a waist, who knew! And I have energy out the whazoo. My diabetes is well controlled and I rarely experience Fibro flare-ups like I used too. I am more confident and proud of who I am, I now sport a tattoo on my left ankle and this year for Christmas, my hair has splices of red and green!
I've met some wonderful people from this website too and had alot of giggles. Some of whom I've shared their journey personally and been there with them at their bedside post surgery and others via the phone. I've gained alot of knowledge from others, especially missy, with our similar stomach issues and starting weights. The laughs and jokes have been very important to this whole experience for me, as this IS who I am. So thank-you for the humour, guidance and experience so many of you have given me this year.
For those that celebrate Christmas, I hope all your wishes come true and it is spent with your loved ones. Please spare a thought for the shift workers and all those not with their families over the coming weeks.
I soooo want to say pig out for Chrissie! But, I won't....hehe, well I can think it! We all knows what happens when we do right? Let's just hope for a stuck free day
AB aka Ang x
Merry Christmas and Healthy New Year
Here I am again, but now I am 6 months on since that wonderful day in April when Dr D changed my life with a gastric band procedure. Life for me has been nothing short of extraordinary since then, at times I've wanted to give myself a pinch (or a punch) to check this has all been real.
100gms is my weight gain for 3 weeks of holidaying in NZ and Sydney. Given how much I walked, jog, climbed and explored, my scales nearly got airborne when I saw a gain! However, to bitch about that given all I had just experienced and tasted? Pffft now that would just be silly.
The photo above is Mt Egmont, a glorious mountain in Taranaki in the North island of New Zealand. I have been up it a few times and it has been well photographed again on this trip! I got about 3/4 of the way up this time and loved it. Every now and again the band let me know he was there. Noticeably more on the larger mountains and up and down in the gorges across the North island (we didn't go to the South Island). The plane rides gave me no issues, and we had 4 plane trips in total.
It was the jetboat ride that tightened the band the most! Loving to have a cuppa after nearly everything I do, I soon learned a coffee post jetboat isn't an easy task. Two sips and I thought coffee was going to spurt from every orifice like the geysers we had seen the previous day! For the next 3 days, the band was really contrary and by then we were in Sydney. Even that plane ride didn't settle it! Heaps of walking from Darling Harbour to Circular Quay, around Taronga Zoo (oo I love that place!) and everywhere inbetween didn't help much. Home sweet home to Perth, a cuppa tea, my bed and I woke up feeling okay. I guess my band just wanted to be home lol.
I must say to have travelled through the North Island and do the things I did, I even amazed myself. My normal anxieties were gone, I felt the iron infusion I'd had 3 weeks prior to going kick in and it fed me the entire time, my BSL's were 5.0 - 6.0 the whole trip, I ate battered fish and chips, I had a buffet breakfast here and there and I even had chocolate! I went to adventure parks and did rides I never thought I'd do, jetboating, I walked around in my new bathers at a Polynesian Spa in Rotorua in front of 100's of ppl and couldn't care less and yes, I got a tattoo .
Next week I have bloods done for a pre Christmas medications check to see if any meds can be dropped and have a review with my GP and CDN (Chronic Disease Nurse). I cancelled my Surgeons fill appt as I am tight and don't feel a need to go now. I will return end of the month in prep for Christmas for a top up. I feel great and ppl say I look great too. I truly have had a great 6 months.....and ty to those who support me here also. It is greatly appreciated. x
Hmm I haven't been here for a while, as I might of gone out and got a bit of a life lol! Yep I did and it feels weird, but fun and a little scary sometimes, but also exciting. And clearly confusing by the flipping of word usages there.
The NZ trip is planned and nearly ready to go. It's been 15 years since I've been on a plane, and 20 years since it was an international flight. I have a new shiny passport and I am ready to go. Hubby and I will be travelling on the new Air NZ Dreamliner, which looks real pretty! Needless to say I am anxious as all hell, so trying to mentally prepare for a trip of this size for me, is huge. Alot of ppl are giving me the speech of "oh wow you must be so excited" or "that's fabulous, are you going to bungee jump?". I almost do a double take and in my head, I'm thinking hmm do I look like someone who would bungee jump for fun? This is hard to explain, so unless someone else is on the same wavelength, the excitement IS there, but the fear IS there too. The old Ang it would of been 90% fear and 10% excitement, now it is more a 30% fear / 70% excitement split. I don't know how to eliminate that last bit of fear, I wish it would melt away, maybe it will when I go?
The Iron Infusion went well. I noticed a few people talking about iron deficiency also. I had an infusion 2 years ago. My GP sent me to a Haematologist, who then sent me to a day hospital where I was hooked up to an IV for 8+ hours. It was boring, I felt seedy and nausea throughout, PHI had to pay for some of it, and I had to pay an excess for the room. Plus a Haematologist is not cheap and it took 2 consults prior and 1 after, just for this infusion. After all said and done....it got me through and sure it felt okay, but I hated it.
This time around, GP gave me referral to a Haematologist who works at Clinipath Pathology. The infusion was done at a Pathology clinic. I took my own Ferinject vials of Iron (from Chemist) and the whole experience was done in an hour. I sat and talked on my phone, felt great and was served tea and a biscuit! The Haematologist checked on me and nurses kept an eye on me. $175 + script cost. Haemo's fee is bulk billed.
Congrats to all the new bandits, sleevites, bypassers and those coming to the forum to meet others of WLS.
I saw my surgeon yesterday and he is happy with my progress. Averaging 500gm - 1kg a week is the target for post WLS long term until goal weight is achieved he said. I have lost 3.5 since last visit 5 weeks ago. Seems low to me, but he is the professional, so I need to learn to be mindful, shut up and accept it for what it is.
Obsession with weight and weight loss has consumed so much of my life thus far, it sure as hell isn't going to continue doing so. So from now on, I need to trust my instincts more, enjoy the moment wherever I may be and remember that when I get down on myself for these little things, there is others around me who are impacted by it too.
Time to fly (soon it will be literally!) omg lol
When I set myself my goal for the June 2014 Challenge, I bit off more than I could chew (figuratively speaking of course *wink*) of 10kgs and I only reached a loss of 6kg. For this month, I lowered the bar and aimed for 5kg and what the hell, it seems someone told my body I had hit Goal Weight and my body went into maintaining mode and it's sat at 122 kg for two weeks.
Seriously, I am not going to sit here and get sad and not acknowledge that since starting this process, I have lost 26kg and I am proud of that and all the achievements that go with that. Yay me!
However I am slightly discouraged and a bit bamboozled at this 122 kg stand off between the scales and I. I also add in a bit of an allowance for the monthlies, so I don't stress in my head when it fluctuates. (let's say add 10 kgs lol! jk 2-3kg). Food intake very similar, exercise same, sleep great (no more apnea) and despite stress levels perhaps a tiny bit higher, I do feel pretty good. Granted the iron running low is a bummer, as I feel real depleted by mid arvo and a nap lasting till next week would do wonders, but an hour is helping for the moment.
Since my Surgeon decided to have a life and take holidays, I've been anxiously awaiting his return for a fill and check up. I believe I have read, watched and listened too all I can at this point as to why my weight could be stagnant. So unless food stops finding it's way into my mouth before a fill, I guess I shall be remaining in the low 120's.
And yes, my tickers say 123kg, because as I just decided to do my late weigh-in now while writing this, the backstabbing SOB of a scale has decided to add a kg.
Yes, I shall see your 1 kg and raise you.......... well remove your batteries for a few days.
Ang - 1 vs Scales - 1
After the Nuclear Medicine appts behind me, I was keen to get on with the business of enjoying the new 5mls in my band from days prior. The addition of 1ml at the time didn't seem like much, but as the days went on, the tightness felt almost restrictive and not in a good way as I first thought.
I'd recalled reading posts from others about warning signs of over tightened bands/chest discomfort and what can possibily happen if your band is too tight. But like most people, I'd had a smooth ride with my band feeling quite loose since the start, so when I DID feel the firmness, I just assumed the easy ride was over and it was time to buckle down.
On Thursday I called the Dr on duty at my Surgeons office who advised me to come in as she felt it was too tight. Lovely lady she was and after more discussion, yep, 0.5ml came out and it was almost like instant relief. The middle of my back pain was gone, chest pain gone and the recurring hiccups after things I drank was gone during the day. Phew...
I learned that the band "settles" after a few days of adjustment. Mine had definitely gotten tighter. If anything, I would've thought it would get looser, you know, like a pair of jeans can get after a few wears? lol But nope, it was really restrictive and took me by surprise.
I've not PB'ed since having my band put in and I am doing my best not too. But I was close I reckon. I'm glad I called when I did, as who knows how uncomfy I would of been over the weekend had I left it until Monday.
Also the blood work from last week showed I am very depleted in Iron (shocker) and I need to have more fish (yuck). I've also been recommended to have almonds and avocados. Time to look into another Iron transfusion, over two years have passed since the last one, and I was told I need 325 mg of elemental fe a day now. Crazy!
New week starts tomorrow, back on the roller coaster that is having a lap band
Thanks to those of you who sent well wishes and support. I was a bit worried there for a few days.
The initial CT scan the GP sent me to (not my GP as she is on holidays) was unable to be done as it required contrast and I have an allergy to that, so after more rescheduling for appts I was sent to Nuclear Medicine for a V/Q scan.
I've had alot of scans over the years, but this was a new one on me. If anyone is curious, here is a link.
Having to inhale radioactive gas, then be injected with a radioactive substance wasn't all that pleasant, however it did give the answer I wanted to hear of no abnormal blood flow detected or blood clots noted.
This test came about because I had chest pain, lethargy, pins and needles in my face, shortness of breath and a few long periods of immobility after some recent trips down south in the car. This is why blood clots were suspected. (just wanted to clarify that).
Surgeon appt on Wednesday stated the port area pain was unrelated to the above, but he believes this is due to (this surprised me and I haven't read this anywhere) the weight loss in my stomach. Due to my stomach losing the weight thus far, the heavy skin is "pulling" and dragging down the muscles and lap band equipment internally = hence the pain and discomfort.
This apparently was a possibility because I had a big tummy and it is quote "only going to get worse sadly" as the weight comes off! He is very happy with my weight loss so far and claim I am the model patient. In 85 days I've lost 25 kgs. But this doesn't take away my tummy problem.
In the interim, he suggests I buy a corset/girdle to offer support to my abdomen and lower hanging tummy area to stop the pain. Not to be worn at all times, but at times of need/necessity.
I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced this? I've had a search but nothing popped up. I was given a pamphlet of where to go, a store in Perth offering support garments, mostly for post op patients after plastic surgery. I thought of Shapewear or similar but they do not go up to my size just yet, so that is not an option at this point.
I got a 1 ml fill which takes me up to 5 ml now, and my meals are at 1/2 cup, no snacks and only half a cup of coffee. Feels weird to be this content/full all the time. I'm not 100% either, so I am just doing the best I can with what I've got. Having major bloods done next week to check for any depletions in vits or mins and to see if any of my meds can be altered or even dropped.
Here's hoping for a better weekend
Well here I was fixing to update the blog with the pending surgeon visit tomorrow and expecting my 3rd fill, however the day hasn't panned out that way.
After a fun weekend away down south, I've returned with port area pain (first I've experienced since surgery day) and a discomfort in my right breast area and above. Almost feels heart related, but knowing anatomy as I do, I figured the heart was okay.
Appetite is suppressed (shocker) and I almost feel nauseated. A constant dull headache most of the day too. Then mid morning the feeling of numbness took over in my extremities and off to the GP I went.
E.C.G. came back normal, as did B/P. The physical exam however was very painful and to rule out anything else, I had bloodwork done.
Got the call this afternoon from the GP that my blood work showed the "markers" for a blood clot, so tomorrow morning I am off to have scans done and given that tomorrow is my surgeon visit day, then I go to see him for check up and possible fill.
I haven't exercised for nearly 2 days and I feel awful, tired and uncomfy with pain. I haven't felt like this since before the surgery when I weighed so much heavier!
Something just doesn't feel right and it's a little scary. I hope it's all okay......
On Wednesday 28th May I hit a goal for me. It wasn't a goal I realised I even set. Sure I have experienced a few NSV's and loved them all and even recently had a few more.
My 10 yr old niece now can put her arms all the way around me for a cuddle, I did walk around the "big block" with ease I might add! (one off the Bucket List), I stood out in the pouring rain and watched my 7 yr old nephew win his Cross Country and I didn't care I was soaking wet. In the past I would of been so paranoid I was drenched and my clothes were sticking to me and I would of looked "fatter" than usual and no doubt would of gone to sit in the car. But nope, not this time, I even got up a jog across the oval to see him finish 1st!
The goal I didn't realise I had set though was the loss of 20 kgs. I wouldn't of thought that as a goal. I have my eye on the long term prize and then in between it's the "go for a walk today" goal, and the "get on the bike" goal. So each day becomes a goal in itself to accomplish small hills to get to the mountain. But I didn't even see this 20 kgs as such a milestone until someone said to me "you lost your niece".
She is 5 yr old and someone I cuddle and lift up all the time! And just recently I'd told her she is growing up so fast and just too big for Aunty to pick up now. Her dad told me yesterday she weighs 19.7 kgs. Now I realise what "you lost your niece" means.
So the next time I see her I am going to pick her up and remind myself what I was carrying on my bones and muscles every day......and of course any opportunity to cuddle my niece is a great one.
We hear the voices but we do not look
It's easier to hide behind a book
We sense you are there at restaurants and bars
Always looking or staring from afar
Just like you I feel and breathe
I work, play sports and watch TV
I know who I am and what I do
I don't need you to judge me too
But now my life is beginning to change
and old fears are starting to thrive
Will I succeed and will I do well?
Of course I will...I'm starting to feel Alive
To the extra weight that has been my free loading passenger for all my life, got me teased, bullied, stopped me from sitting on furniture, walking to places being in so much pain, not being able to wear pretty dresses or gorgeous shoes and always making me feel invisible and not worthy of peoples time... your ride stops here. I've paid your fare long enough.