So I have some time to sit and write an update on how everything is going.
I'm finally under 90kg but only just 89.4kg. So I'm almost at 88kg the last weight I rember being as a teenager. So now I'm almost there I need to set a new target I'm just going to keep it easy and say 80kg. I haven't been working out as much as I should well I haven't done anything at all if I'm honest. I have been working extra hours almost an extra 10hr each week on top of my normal work week so been very tired and just can't be bothered, need a good kick up the bum to get out and do it!
As for eating, been a bit shit lately not eating as much protein as I should and sometimes skipping a meal. I guess I'm so use to fast food that having to cook just takes to much time and energy. I want food and I want it now and I don't want to have to cook. But then on the other side I could never eat fast food again as just looking at it makes me feel sick so does seeing such huge portions, like really I use to eat that much?! How I ever fit in so much food I don't know!
I really want to make fresh, beautiful, healthy food but don't really know how. When ever I try it doesn't work. Some how I always manage to over salt or spice stuff, can fix it by not adding salt till its done. Then I buy all this fresh food and not end up cooking it and it gos to the dog not that shes complaining lol. There are thing I would buy and cook but I know I would be the only one eating it and I'm not going to eat much so there seems to be no point in buying it! Its very frustrating to find things to make the hole family will eat.
So my food in a day gos a bit like this
Breakfast- Coffee then half an hour latter: fruit smoothy or bake beans on toast or just the toast depends on time.
Morning tea- coffee
Lunch- 2 cruskets with peanut butter and oats sprinkled on top or a bit of chicken or nothing sometimes I'm so busy at work I don't stop for lunch.
Afternoon tea- decaf coffee
Tea- meat of some kind with rice or cous cous, or meat and veg if I can be botherd or what ever I can find in the fridge.
Then I end the day with another decaf coffee.
Yes I drink a lot of coffee but I don't drink cold drinks. This is a normal work day, if I'm at home there is more coffee and tea is a lot better coz I have had time to make something. I wish I had a person chef!! Lol don't we all?
Crap lost my train of thought. Well I want to post some pics of before all this started and some of me now but my computer is being upgraded so can't just yet. I haven't even seen before and after photos I have them of me in my bra and nickers I will be embarrassed when I do post them but I think I need too to make it seem real coz at the moment I see the different in my clothes and what other ppl say but when I'm naked by myself in the shower I look the same and feel the same, I know the scales say I have lost 41kg but I just don't see it when I look at my body. This is why I need to see the photos and put them next to each other so I CAN see it! But part of me won't be convenience till I don't have such a rolly fat tummy the part I hate the most. I know I shouldn't say thos things about myself and be more positive but its hard to do that all the time.
On another note, got a letter to remind me I'm due for a pap smear! So if its been 2 years since your last pap smear plz go and get one! And have your breast exam at the same time.
Well that's it for now as miss 2 has decided to jump all over me.
Okay so its been a wile!
Feeling good, I know im finally under 100kg!! Yay! But that was a few weeks ago when the Doc check at my last appointment but my scales at home broke the same day so i have no clue what i am now. I was 99kg at my appointment. Im going to wait till my next appointment to check my weight so its a surprise.
With my other health issues im still having dizzy spells so the doc wants me to do a 24hr ECG to catch what my heart does during a dizzy spell. So will do that soon.
Started exercising this week and boy am i unfit! Doing a 30 day butt lift that only takes 10min a day but boy do i feel it the next day! I do that and then get on the treadmill for 10min to strech everything. Thats all im doing at the moment want to take it easy, i don't want to do to much and then crash and loose my motivation. I have been walking more at work, its 1.5k from the store i work at to the other end of the mall so when i finish i walk from one end to the other and back before i go home. But this also means i buy stuff i see in the shops! Kmart had a big cloths clearance so i got heaps of tops for $2 in smaller size that i will eventually fit in to. I also got a bra for $5 that was small around the chest but the right cup size, thought i would just use my bra extenders but was very surprised that it fit with out them!! So went back and got a few more in pretty colors coz they are so cheap.
I do feel a bit pissed off that smaller clothes cost so much less than plus size. You can buy a size 18 pear of jeans from kmart for $7 but the plus size are around $20. But i don't plan on going back to plus size clothes when im finally out of them.
As for eating im back to normal food, enjoying my smoothies in the morning and having cruskets with ham for lunch and meat and veg for tea. Still keeping things pretty basic and trying to be as healthy as possible. Have had a few naughty things but they don't taste nice and make me feel sick. So im just not going to have them. Haven't gotten back into salads yet will try soon.
Well thats it for now.
So had one of my follow up appointments with my Dr for the sleeve. My god can he fucken talk! I tuned out and started singing in my head Adeles new song when i finished that i realize he was still talking! Im sure he could see i was no longer listing but then i snapped out of it when he said something about sex. In my mind i was like "sex? Wait, what? What did i miss? Shit just smile like we know what hes talking about". I really don't know what he said, by the end of my appointment all i know is im doing good have to try and drink more water, keep eating as i am.
One thing i got was that i told him everything i eat taste like cardboard, he told me its normal and it will go away around the 6 month mark. So hopefully it does.
As for my other health issues just waiting to see if the tablets help so far not so much. He thinks i should have some other test done so will see what my gp says.
Well thats enough from me.
So i know i haven't been on here in ages been going through some stuff.
Im in week 6 post op trying to eat more normal food, some stuff is still hard and im running out of ideas on food. I have tryed turkey mince and love it!! I thought it would be shit and dry but it was grate. Going to make slow cooked tureky meat balls tomorrow.
I have been feeling dizzy lately and have blacked out twice once when my hubby was home and luckily fell back on to the couch the secon time i was home alone and fell smashing the back of my head on our slate floor, had no idea what happened or where i was or if i was still standing or really on the floor, bit my tongue and hurt my butt cheek on one of my daughters toys lol.
It scared the crap out of me!! So i had a head ct, blood teast and an ECG. Bloods came back fine, head ct just showed my bad sinus where i constantly have pain but my ECG show an odd rithem in my heart so i need to have an ultra sound on it. The doc doesn't think it has anything to do with my surgery so i guess thats good. They have put me on meds for vertigo to see if it helps so far the first day was okay but today was crap didn't work at all.
I see my dietitian tomorrow and my Doc for the sleeve next tue will be fun telling him all the things that have been happening.
So with the sleeve everything is good, im happy, only have 4 more kg to go to be under 100kg waiting to look down and see the magic number on the scale, will definitely have to take a pic of that and post it.
Well thats it for now, i really should be sleeping!!
Seriously!! Seriously!?! If i ask you to make the child a bottle don't sing out loud in the kitchen wile doing it! She can hear you and thinks that its party time! Good luck getting her to go back to sleep any time soon! But what do you care? Your already back in bed and asleep! Never mind the fact i only had surgery less then 2 weeks ago and holding a 2 year old kinda hurts!
Okay im over it! Just had to get it out as the person i would like to say this too is sleeping.
So im getting bored at home coz i use to spend most of my time at home eating and thinking about what i can cook or what we could get for tea like take out. But now i can't do that im finding myself bored and wondering around the house and going to the kitchen just to look at food in the pantry that i can't eat. Its very frustrating and hard to tell my brain to shut up!
Will be good when i can eat food coz at least then i can cook and freeze stuff, i would do it now but don't have room in the freezer. Plus when i go back to work i won't be thinking about it as its the busiest time of the year for us. But i still have another week at home lucky i changed it from 6 to 3 weeks!! Put my work pants on today and they felt so big!! They are a size 26 i remember they use to be tight around my thighs when i sit and the zip part would some times stick in to my tummy, but feeling them so loose made me realize how big i must have been before. Will have to buy new pants before i go back. Will also have to get new bras not much to fill out the cups in the first place but now they look silly. I have lost 5kg now since my op. Hoping to be cloes to 100kg by the time i go back to work probably wishful thinking as thats another 10kg away and i only have this week and next week and i will be back at work.
Going to make my self go for a walk now to take my mind off food!!!
So yesterday was the first day i have been out the house since my op. Boy did i get tired and light headed! Thought i was fine and my energy levels were good, guess not. It was nothing too exciting just to the doc and the shops. Going to try and go for a little walk today and see how i feel.
Everything else is good, except having to keep my daughter home today as gastro is going around her childcear center. Would have like to known that before i took her yesterday! They told me when i picked her up coz she had pooed a few times that day. So as soon as we got home yesterday everything went in the wash with disinfectant and hot hot warter! Not that there is much i can do if she already has it! Will not be happy if i get it.
So after all my doubts and negative thoughts over the past few days, im finally feeling like myself again!!
Part of me was like "what have i done!" But im okay now i feel like this will work, i will be a better me. I have lost 2kg since my surgery on tue so thats nice, im over the worst of the pain and vomiting, at the time it was horrible and i didn't think i would ever be the same again but i feel pretty amazing today (cup of coffee help alot lol).
I have trouble with negative thinking and putting my slef down alot and never thinking i could be happy, for the first time last night as i sat in bed i felt happy a true happy that i haven't felt in a long time about myself. Im so ready for this now im ready to take control of my life and make my self happy everyday!
So all up my op has been good it sucked at the beginning im not going to lie its not all nice and easy it is painful and yucky but it doesn't last long. I go back to the doc on tue and see how everythings going i guess.
I have added some pic of my holes lol 4 are where i was cut one is where i had a drain( the only clean looking one). If you wanted to know having the drain doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt coming out either just feels f!@king weird as hell, only last 2 seconds. I was very anxious about having it taken out but its over so fast and the nurses are wonderful. I had manily male nurses witch was nice gave me something to look at lol. I spent my hole stay in high dependancy unit not much privacy but i didn't cear to much drugs are good that way. My only down side was discovering that i had a big hole in the cruch of my tracky pants with no nickers on after i had fallen asleep on my bed legs open no curtin for all to see lol wish someone had of put a blanket on me!
Well thats it for now.
So had my op on tue, its had its downs with vomiting when they did a scan and when i had to start sipping warter. I have now stop the warter and im sipping milk witch is staying down. I still have some air traped in my tummy thats pissing me off. Can't get it to move. Been walking down the hall and visiting my mum witch is nice to have someone going through the same thing at the same time.
Im super itchy from the pain meds, but rather that then pain. Got to have a few mouthfulls of pea and ham soup that had been blened smooth was so so nice. Get to have a shower this morning. Hopefully home tomorrow.
So tomorrow is the big day! I have my op first thing in the morning have to be at the hospital by 6:30am.
I don't know how i feel about it, i was excited but having to wait longer then expected so the excitement has disappeared. Have a few ppl around me that are negative about the op witch is playing on my mind. Part of me thinks that having this op won't work for me i will never be one of thoese ppl with awsome before and after pics.
But i have to fight my mind and tell myself yes i will! I will be fit and healthy! This will work for me and i will reach my goals. I have to have faith in myself its for my future, to be a better me a better Mum and a better partner. Can't wait for it to be done and my new life to begin. I will probably be super nervous tomorrow morning or grumpy from being tired. Have stoped drinking coffee for the 2 days before hand just to help me get rest. I so miss it!!!
Well that it for now, wish me luck and i will blog again after the op!!
So yesterday and today i have eaten things im not ment to, but i have struggled and i am over optifast was ment to have my op today but was moved to 1st of December, already done 4 weeks of optifast. Couldn't go another 2 weeks with out something!! I feel bad about it but at the same time i know i will be back on track tomorrow and can hopefully move on.
So i went and saw the doc for my pre op surgery appointment and he didn't say much about the 10kg i had lost just that i needed to loose another 5kg before my op.
Don't know why i was expecting a job well done, but i kind of was. No one in my life has really said much about it, other then my best friend. So i feel kind of disappointed that i have done all this hard work and no one has noticed or if they have said nothing. I think its a bit selfish, but iam allways the one to tell people they look good if they have lost weight or that their hair/clothes/makeup looks good. I just want someone to say it back!!
But enough worring about other ppl i think, i need to complement myself, and encourage myself. Don't know why i feel i need to have others say it. Why can't i just be strong on my own? Why can't i keep myself motivated? Hopefully i find the answers on my journey.
So im at the doc office for my pre op appointment and i can't stop looking at the other women waiting and thinking has she had it done? Is she here to have it done?
I wonder if they are looking at me thinking the same thing? Are we all just sitting here silently thinking about each other? Or is it just me?
I know they probably look at me funny as im one of those ppl who talk out loud to myself when reading stuff. Bought my own magazine to read and its one of the fashion ones. Ive been spending time looking at mags and womens bodys that i would like to have just to help myself visualize a healthy body. My mum strongly thinks this will help, so its worth a try.
Oh! Just made eye contact with one of the ladys. We are about the same size except she looks like she can sit in these chairs with out them digging in to her legs, unlike me!
There is also a lady who regularly shops at my work and now im wondering if i should ask her about it next time she comes in? Or would it just be weird?
Well better go before the doc comes.......
I spend so much time looking at other peoples before and after photos and videos, just thinking of the day it will be me! It sometime feels like it will never happen but lately i feel like i can really do it this time and it scares me.
So today i have been thinking about what my weight goals are as the dietitian asked me and i didn't have any. Just want the weight off!! There are so many different weights that are ment to be a healthy weight for me, it ranges between 60-75kg, so just not going to think about that for now.
My first goal was to get to 119kg witch i reached today!!! Yay!! So my next is 100kg then 95kg and then 88kg, 88kg is what i was when i was around 16 and that was after losing weight, before then i don't know what i was i.
Just to be under 100kg will be super happy for me, i dont even rember what its like to be under 100.
Went for a walk on my lunch brake at work and looked at all the dress shops that one day i will be able to shop in! At the moment there are only 2 shops i can buy clothes out in the mall where i work. There are about 10 other shops i always looked away from when walking out in the mall coz i didn't want to see something i liked and know there wouldn't be a size to fit me. But yesterday i was excited looking at things and thinking i could buy that dress soon or that top! First bit of real excitement i have had other then being 119kg today.
On the down side, got to end of the mall and found a new food stall that makes nuttela and cream crapes and other sweet crapes, like come on!!! Why? i was having such a good time thinking of being thiner and now bam!! Food, new delicious food! And on top of that there where nice looking men working behind the counter in tuxedos with thigh wight shirts showing their wonderful bodys. So not only is it nuttela its hot men!!! Had to use all my will power to turn around and walk away. Guess thats a good thing.
So i don't 100% know what a blog is, i guess its just like a diary only every one can read it. Thats what mine will be, so sometimes it might not make sense.
Not much to put in to it today just wanted to start one to help with my lifestyle change. Think its better to get whats in my head out and i have always had a diary but better get with the times and do it online.
For those of you who read this and follow it, thank you i hope i don't disappoint you.
Just as a side note, took my dog for a walk tonight and out in the middle of nowhere a golf bag, boy did it scare the poop out of my dog.