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Cub's Blog

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Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?? :D

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Today has been a great day. I needed one since lately I've been so annoyingly whingey! I started off by helping my mum wash her car and shake my arse to a few tunes on my ipod while I did so. Praise the day my bum and guts won't wobble so much ay! Then I went out to lunch with one of my good friends Jazzy. She's so lovely. Then we drove around and did some rubberneckin' at some houses because her and her husband are saving up to build a house. We had a good sticky beak at the good, the bad and the ugly. Seriously, the colourbond federation green roof... is soooo last century!! Ew! Haha it was fun though, we got to have a good chin wag.

I annoy myself so much you know. If you knew me and I told you I was shy, you'd laugh in my face. On an ordinary day I am this bubbly, loud, outrageous spastic of a person but when a guy is involved I'm SHY as they come. I get nervous and talk really fast, I blush and the thought of even talking to them gives me serious nerves. Now I used to be a tomboy and was the ring leader of all the boys in my street when I was younger then when I got into highschool that all changed. I got shy and weird, then I did childcare and didn't really ever meet any guys (not even friends) and so I've been really out of touch with it all. So now that I actually like someone it's abit like, oh shit. What am I supposed to do? I flit between maybe I should just let it go, it's so much more hassle than I'm used to and wanting to just get his phone number and confess my liking of him! The fear of rejection because of the way I see myself is what scares me the most I suppose. I just see myself as this fat, ugly person who no one could love. I'm scared that when I get skinny I will either still think I am fat or think I am unworthy of someone's love for another reason. I hope not. I hope I can finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

So my mum told my secret to my friend F, who is very nice and told me she told him. She reckons it was accidentally. Yeah right haha it's okay, I planned on him knowing anyway. So the list of people who know is growing. My big sister still doesn't know, I really do have to tell her though. She's going to want to know why we are going to Perth this weekend. *sigh* Heres hoping she is understanding. I've saved up all the money I need and I'm planning on paying for my op at my appointment. Hopefully I can, otherwise it will go on the cruise me and my mum are going to do at Christmas.

Tonight after work, I went to the house F is house sitting and it's a fair few kms out of town. So driving down this dark eerie street in the middle of the boonies, a little Peter Rabbit jumped out in front of me and I.... I... accidentally killed him :huh: It's only the second thing I've ever killed with the car. *cries* the first time I killed a bird who was crossing the road with what I believe was it's mate for life. I killed it's precious mate! Feathers went everywhere, oh god it was awful!

I screamed as he went thump hahaha so not cool.

Anyways, this was a pretty useless blog, nothing overly exciting or helpful to anyone, it's just about lil ol' me and my random life. 3 days until my consult. Oh gosh! So.Freaking.Excited!! I guess I better get onto writing him some questions hey! I hope my mum behaves herself when we go in!

Alright kids, time for me to adios! Nice blabbing for ya!

Peace, Love & The Beautiful Starry Sky,


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