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Today it Hit me

ladyfortythree AKA Julie

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I was driving along at work yesterday (I'm a long distance courier a couple of days a week) and thinking about things in general and pondering my upcoming lap-banding when it suddenly hit me that I'm 53 and I've wasted so many years being FAT. I first knew I had a weight problem at around 8 years of age, the teasing started at around 9 and the worst year in my memory was when I was around 14 at high school, I don't even like to think about those days, suffice to say that while my two sons were growing up I had to control myself if anyone looked as if they would dare to pick on them as I'm sure Id have punched a kid out. I stayed away from those issues and they rarely came up anyway, my sons have grown up with no serious weight issues.

The dieting and self loathing began at around 15 for me and that's what I was thinking about yesterday, I realised that for 45 years I've had to deal with weight issues and for the best part of 38 years I've hated my body. There were short periods where I liked myself as I would lose a lot of weight and feel worthy again but then Id stuff up, gain weight and it was back to self hate again.

I actually found tears in my eyes thinking of this, I would not wish these feelings on anyone and when I look through these forums and see 21 year olds doing something early about their weight issues I'm pleased to think they wont waste as many years as I have. So now I'm trying to get positive and hope this whole lap-band journey is going to work, I don't want to be skinny, I just want to blend into a crowd like all the other middle aged woman, and maybe just once in a while it would be nice to dress up and look HOT



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Thats something I've always feared, I'm 20 yrs old and was banded a week ago.. I already hated being the weight i was, and the way i was going it was only just going to keep adding up.

Im glad that you are going to keep everything positive and just make sure that you keep your head up!

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I understand what you mean, although I am only wait...29 yes 29. God my memory feels 50. But I spent the last 19 years overweight, hiding, embarrased and now that I think about it happy, but I sure did miss out on a heck of a lot. Chin up! soon, you will look back on those bad memories, and that is all they will be memorys youll be fighting fit and fab.

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Oh yes, boy i relate!, yo yo swing 40 kilos up or down. Pathetic. Oh how it feels to see people again when u have piled on the weight again. The shame, the despair, what a failure. I spoke with a women who at 50 had her band put in, she told me today that it was the best thing that ever happened to her, she is 53 and looks hot! She went in earlier this year to have her port replaced because it leaked. And she still would do it again in a heartbeat!

We will be hot chicky babes one day!

:-)

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Thanks guys, feeling pretty upbeat, went and got a pile of optifast today, dam that's expensive, all ready for when I start, slowly cutting down leading up to the first Nov when I start it, before that I have a couple of events to attend and cant get out of, meals already paid for and don't want people to know about my band so can hardly rock up and eat nothing, but once the 1st is here I start the opti and the start of what I hope is a huge change in my life

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Dont forget to balance the opti with your free veg allowance - otherwise you can end up cheating - cos your brain just DEMANDS junk/fats/carbs.

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Thank you for what you wrote...I am in my forties and my weight, amoung other serious things, has contributed to our inability to have a child. I look back now and think ...why didnt I get a band 10 years ago, in my 30s? I think I didn't want to face it as I failed diet after diet. Then I developed a rare spinal condition...of course made worse by 135 kilos - I do not hide what I weigh and I have sat at this weight for 5 years. I cannot exercise so this makes losing weight even worse. But when I read your words they touched me deeply as I am hitting middle age and have been recently banded...7 weeks...I have lost 8 kilos and feel like it is finally happening as this feels so positive and will not hate my body. Also, reading all the girls above made me so happy, go girls! You will be young, confident and healthy. Thank you Ladyfortythree for your post.

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