I was driving along at work yesterday (I'm a long distance courier a couple of days a week) and thinking about things in general and pondering my upcoming lap-banding when it suddenly hit me that I'm 53 and I've wasted so many years being FAT. I first knew I had a weight problem at around 8 years of age, the teasing started at around 9 and the worst year in my memory was when I was around 14 at high school, I don't even like to think about those days, suffice to say that while my two sons were growing up I had to control myself if anyone looked as if they would dare to pick on them as I'm sure Id have punched a kid out. I stayed away from those issues and they rarely came up anyway, my sons have grown up with no serious weight issues.
The dieting and self loathing began at around 15 for me and that's what I was thinking about yesterday, I realised that for 45 years I've had to deal with weight issues and for the best part of 38 years I've hated my body. There were short periods where I liked myself as I would lose a lot of weight and feel worthy again but then Id stuff up, gain weight and it was back to self hate again.
I actually found tears in my eyes thinking of this, I would not wish these feelings on anyone and when I look through these forums and see 21 year olds doing something early about their weight issues I'm pleased to think they wont waste as many years as I have. So now I'm trying to get positive and hope this whole lap-band journey is going to work, I don't want to be skinny, I just want to blend into a crowd like all the other middle aged woman, and maybe just once in a while it would be nice to dress up and look HOT