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Halfway through. Surgery in 1 week.

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FreshStart2

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Okay I'm halfway through Optifast and I'm finding it okay so far. It hasn't been the nightmare that I was expecting from hearing other people's comments. I dont mind the chocolate or vanilla shakes my surgeon gave me, I'm not feeling sick or getting headaches, although I do get a bit dizzy when I stand up too quickly. I'm using the toilet enough, plenty of number 1s cuz I'm drinking SO MUCH LIQUID lol. Its like being pregnant all over again. (sorry TMI).

Cravings. Yes I've been having them. But I know I only have them when I'm bored, like in the evenings after I've had my vegetable dinner and my son has gone to bed. They have been easy to ignore because I just dont have any high calorie food in the house. But I must confess to having a tiny lick of the peanut butter on my sons cruskits, or half a baby spoonful of his mashed pumpkin.

Tomorrow I'm checking in with the clinic GP to pay for surgery and weigh in, make sure I'm sticking to Optifast etc. I'm going to ask him about whether or not I can have a "last supper" the night before my surgery, as sort of a celebration for getting through two weeks on shakes and veggies, and maybe have a couple things I might not be able to have post-band, like a bread roll. Now I don't intend to pig out, I'll stick to my small plate, but it would be nice to eat a real meal with my hubby before starting another 2 weeks of just liquids. I'm thinking of a roast dinner :) I don't think some lamb and vegetables would totally ruin my liver for surgery.

As I mentioned in another post I'm really looking forward to getting this over with and losing the weight, but I'm a little afraid of what it could be like to be "slim". I don't know how to BE a slim person. I've always been the funny, fat girl, the friend but not the girlfriend, and dressed for comfort, not fashion. Obviously being engaged now, I don't have to worry about being the friend anymore :) But how to dress? As a young mum, I don't feel like I can wear what other 22 year old may be wearing right now. I'd love to be able to wear a miniskirt or some short shorts in summer, but I don't want to look like a tarty mum. But then I also want to feel young and happy and healthy and dress my age. Its a tricky one. I guess only I can make the decision to try and pick clothes that feel comfortable AND look good.

I'm also a little scared of how other people might treat me because I've lost weight. If they treat me with jealousy and disrespect because I've used a band to lose weight, it will piss me off. If they treat me better, then I think I will be annoyed or upset that they couldn't appreciate me for who I was even when I was big. What I get some male attention? Ive never had it before, and I love my fiance with all my heart, but I would be lying if I said it wouldn't be nice if guys thought I was attractive. I'm not looking to meet anybody of course but it would be nice to get hit on occasionally to boost my self-confidence. I just hope my fiance could take it as a compliment to his good taste, and not as a threat.

I guess this whole journey is a bit of an emotional mine-field, and with my surgery date drawing closer, I'm having to deal with my feeling about the future, the possibilities. Maybe I'm worrying that I'll have a bit of an identity crisis. Or maybe I'll just be the healthiest, happiest version of myself that I've ever been. Who knows. I probably should have hunted down a psychologist to discuss these thoughts with, but my surgeon only required a dietician visit and I didnt think I'd need one. I'll keep it in mind post-op if I'm having any difficulties. At least I can put my thoughts into my blog and get it out that way. :)

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Yay great to hear that you are tolerating the optifast well. I think most people do have a last supper prior to being banded but just make sure that you are fasting from whatever time the hospital tells you the night before. My girlfriend lost all her weight and now wears lovely little dresses and things and doesnt look like a tart at all so there are nice clothes out there to suit a mother. You are right about needing a psych though especially to handle the issue of head hunger which often rears its ugly head. I quite like looking at food now but am usually able to just look and not buy. Often things look better than they taste anyway. Good luck with your journey.

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well you are still young so go ahead and wear those cute clothes as soon as you can. Im past that now at 53 and if I was your age again Id be doing just that. ignore what others say, you only live once

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There are lots of emotions to deal with thats for sure. Its great to have a site like this to air your feelings and get feedback, insight and support .. it really helps you deal with the journey. Try not to worry too much. you will get there.

and wow surgery not far off at all now ... time has flown!

If you have a last supper uyour liver will be fine. I had a few social events prior and tried to be good but didnt want to draw attention to myself so ate but didnt blow out. Had a wedding and enjoyed the food but didn't eat it all too. I also still managed to lose a significant amount of weight in those 2 wks. If a last dinner helps you in coping with up to 4 wks of not eating then it aint going to kill you. You will find you will be able to eat again, even bread in moderation (head) until fill stops you from doing that. Am still waiting for that, but happy that am losing (slowly) and still being able to enjoy food in smaller quantities. :)

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