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Half Way yay - An honest account and need to be accountable

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Barbarella

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Haven't blogged for ages as am always in the threads area but felt I needed to get my thoughts down, mainly to make myself accountable.

Long story short, although have been doing well with weightloss - am now half way. I feel like have been so busy with work and life in general that havent been doing such a good job planning healthy nutritious meals in the past couple of weeks. As a result haven't been eating as well as I should be the past couple of weeks. Ie. go for the easy quick alternatives which usually = carbs and more carbs instead of protein and more veg. Not that am eating massive portions am still sticking to band plate size most times.

I think am just tired, so when juggling crazy life its easy to slip back into bad, easy habits.

Went to see Bond tonight with work colleagues - great btw. But had crap - pizza, chips, popcorn! Where's the nutritious value??? Feeling guilty and just feel need to get it out there so that get back on track rather than start on a vicious sabotaging cycle.

Have an appt next Thurs. Don't really want to have a fill though. I find I can go for half a day with no food and just coffee and that keeps me going to lunch. I do feel more restricted in the morning but by evening not so much. Maybe cause am so stressed and constantly on the go during the day? Or maybe am in green zone? I rarely feel hungry, but still need to use self discipline to stop.

This silly season not helping. Social functions galore. In a way one of the reasons I dont want a fill, as still want the freedom to enjoy myself without having to worry about having a stuck moment, which thankfully havent had as yet.

Anyway I am just hanging for Xmas break so that can have a break from work and spend time with my family and kids and just take time out for myself and reconnect and step off this crazy rat race / ground hog day ... its so exhausting! Probably doesnt help that am not taking my vitamins ... hate taking vitamins ... maybe need to take them again or go get blood tests. Note to self.

All in all am loving my band. Even when indulge / make bad food choices it is evident I still cant eat the volumes I used to. The not starving factor also helps to always try and make better food choices. I love the freedom of not being on a diet and living by the 80:20 philosophy - although this week feels like 20:80 (not good). Am also liking that am not so restricted that can still eat pretty much everything.

I have had a headcold /chest infection for past week (which doesnt help with the lack of motivation / tiredness) and as a result band has felt tighter.

2kgs away from my Xmas goal. Hope can acheive that in spite of this crazy silly season and hoping my vent helps get my thoughts off my chest and puts some perspective back into my journey as well as derail me from potential self sabotage!

On the up side my clothes fit so much better and am back into clothes that havent fit for ages and they are starting to get looser. And I can cross my legs again! Yay! I still look frumpy in the mirror though and have come to the realisation that my tummy wont deflate back to what it was and that is partly due to my stomach overhang and muscles seperating big time after giving birth to the twins! Boobs are deflating and pointing downwards ... clearly breastfeeding didnt help that either. Was such a big thing to convince my hubbie to be banded, am sure it will be another battle if have to convince him to have a tummy tuck / boob lift ... anyway will cross that bridge if / when I get to it!

If you have read this far, thank you. Any words of advise welcome!

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Hang in there, your self-honesty is refreshing...and a good sign that you're still on track despite the 'silly season' temptations.

Hubby may be more understanding of the need for a boob job if you point out that it will mean a great 'rack' for him to play with afterwards ! lol.

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