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Back in the Game

Becstar

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Ha, so I just had a look and the last time I wrote a blog entry on here was July of last year! Yeah...I've been away far too long but since coming back here this week, I can't believe I stayed away so long! I'd forgotten how good it is to talk to other bandits and to have people who understand what you're going through and are actually supportive!

So, quick update for anyone playing at home: It's been 16 months since my band operation, and despite some very slow progress, I have lost just over 40kg which is almost halfway to the 98kg I need to lose to reach goal. I've also returned to full time study this year, which has taken up most of my focus and sanity but overall is a good thing because I'm focussed on a new career that I absolutely love.

I'm still ever the worst critic of myself, so as proud of myself as I am with my progress (and believe me, I am sooo proud), I can't help but feel a little disappointed that it's taken me 16 months to lose that weight. But my mantra at the moment is "It doesn't matter how slowly it comes off, as long as it stays off for good!" The wonderful thing is that I can actually tell I've lost weight, mostly through the fact that my clothes are all getting too big on me!

My biggest problem has been getting the tension/tightness/adjustment of my band right. For most of this year, I've struggled with being able to eat properly, keeping food down etc. Being the self-saboteur that I am, I spent most of the year assuming it was just my fault, that I was either eating too quickly, not taking small enough bites etc. I even had my doctor take out fluid twice but my band was still inconsistent and getting almost unbearable in the last few weeks. So yesterday I went back to the surgeon, got another 0.5ml removed and suddenly it's like I've seen the light! Almost instantly, I could eat an entire meal (well a small serving but solid food all the same) without any problems. I ate chicken and broccoli curry with salad and a very small piece of naan (I tore a little piece off my nieces naan) without anything getting stuck. I almost wanted to cry I was just so happy! I also noticed that through my months and months of trying to fix myself, I've actually developed good habits in eating slowly and chewing well, which is a lovely by-product of all the stress I've had with my band.

What's really been getting me down lately, is that with all my issues with my band being too tight, I haven't been able to enjoy the lovely healthy foods I love like fresh fruit, salad and meat. Now, I feel like Christmas has come early as I think about all the lovely, fresh, healthy meals I'm going to make. I know that this new freedom with food is going to mean I'm open to more temptation, but not being able to eat healthy, solid food has shown me how much I crave good food, so I hope that will help too.

So that's me, 16 months on and after a year of struggle with my band, I finally feel like I'm back in the game and ready to tackle the next stage of my weight loss. I'm currently 119.5kg and my goal is to get under 100kg by the two year anniversary of my banding operation which is July). I'm also going to focus on toning up because my wobbly bits are getting too wobbly to bear now!

I'm just a wee bit excited! :P



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