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Struggling :(

FreshStart2

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So it's been a while since I've done an entry, and I'm in need of a vent so here I am.

It's been 18months or so since I had my lapband put in. Around January/Feb this year, I was down to 74.5kg. My lowest weight since...I cant even remember being that weight. Down from 108kg. I had 70kg within my sights, I was doing quite well, getting prepared to walk down the aisle.

My wedding was early April and since then I think I have put on about 5kg, maybe 6.5? I have been so slack and I really just can't find the motivation to get back on the wagon. I've been avoiding the scales, haven't been to see my doctor, and I'm not exercising. When I see myself say these things, I KNOW where the problem is. I need to go see my doctor, maybe get a fill, I need to start recording my weight again, and I need to get off my butt. I know that. But I just can't get my head around it at the moment. Winter isn't helping, I just want carbs and heat, and I don't know how to go back to the beginning at the moment. It seems so much harder right now.

I can see myself gaining weight. the jeans that were too loose before, fit again, and I'm not happy about it. My suit that I bought for job interviews is getting just a little bit snug. Not happy. I can see those creases and rolls developing on my back and middle again. And I'm REALLY not happy about it. This should be motivation enough but I just don't know how to do it again.

The worst part is that I don't think I actually need a fill. If I try to binge or scoff something too quickly, I can feel the restriction, or feel something get stuck, which tells me that I have enough fill, I'm just eating the wrong foods, and snacking when I shouldn't be. I'm starting to think that maybe I need to see somebody about my mindset with food and with my own self-image. Now that I'm not planning my wedding, and can't get work, I'm feeling a bit down about who I am and what I'm doing with my life. I know I'm a great mum but I feel like I've lost ME a bit. I'm tired of being at home all day, i miss my husband who works away, and I miss my friends and family who don't live here.



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Oh you poor thing, the best advice I can give you is don't let it get anymore out of control, I did and have gained over 15kg. Do something now. Leanne I agree the answer is not another fil. After a visit recently to my doctor to take some fil out she said a tight band isn't the answer. I agree with her, keep a food diary..eat healthy. I am planning to get into the mind set of choosing fruit first, making sure salad and vegetables are my main choice with every meal. Wraps filled with salad and a bit of protein are a great choice for lunch or dinner. I try to have a smoothie each morning, made with lots of green stuff...kale, spinach even lettuce, some fruit..apple, nectarine and water. Really tasty but not many calories. Exercise is a whole different thing, I agree with you...winter is sh!/ty, I hate it. I figure get my diet in order first, worry about excercising later when it warms up. Can you or do you belong to any clubs, it must be very hard to live away from family. Mothers groups, sewing/quilting groups (many of these have charity days, where they make quilts for sick kids), book clubs. I hope you can get back on track, I think we can...we did it the first time, there's nothing to stop us from doing it again.

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It's really hard to get back on track............. but maybe you need to feel a bit better about you first?

What about planning to do new things with your son everyday? Like putting on music for an hour in the afternoon and dancing around the house...  sometimes holding him and sometimes just dancing in front of him? (pretty damn good exercise and makes you feel good!!) with a drink of water after every song!? Take the tram down to Glenelg and walk along the beach with wellies on? Go walk around the zoo? and on the days you don't go out... do the dance off!  exercise and feel good in one....(well that is how Zumba came about!) Keep lots of low fat snacks in the house... like small packs of almonds / almonds and choc covered sultanas for a treat...??

Hope you manage to conquer.. reading back through the stuff i have written - i am really a fine one to talk!! My trouble is snacking in the evenings though... i KNOW the problem!! If only they sold bottled willpower and motivation!! Good luck xxxxx

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Thanks Ladies. I have actually made some progress on my road yo self-discovery. Ive been offered a job today. :) im very excited about doing this for myself and im keen to do all my food prep on Sundays ready to take healthy meals to work. Im sure that fulltime work will consume my attention instead of thinking about food all day. im hopeful that I will start to see the scales go down again. :)

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Congrats on the job! I definitely eat less when I am busy. I have a full day at home tomorrow and while I'm looking forward to it I just know I will have to be vigilant about my food intake.

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Don't be too hard on yourself. I've read lots of your posts over the past six months and you have really inspired me with your efforts and recipe ideas! Congrats on the job, that may give you the lift you need to get back on track. Good luck.

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