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At Least I Looked Fabulous

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Went out for my daughter's birthday dinner tonight and met my ex's wife for the first time. (They've been married about 5 years I think.) As always, I checked out the menu beforehand to see what was bandit friendly and had decided on the scallop salad as I've been pining for scallops for ages. My band has been really tight the last few days, and I knew nerves would see to my band being even tighter but I thought I'd be fine as long as I took my time. One small bite of garlic bread, a taste of artichoke heart, a couple of leaves of rocket and 4 scallops later I gave my son the usual instructions, "Don't let them take my dinner ... I'll be back," and casually made my way across the restaurant to go pray to the porcelain gods begging them to just please let me get the stuck piece of food out so I could go back and finish my meal without anyone noticing my dash away from the table so soon after starting my meal ... especially as I'd just been to the toilet for more normal peeing related matters just before I got my meal. I was ever so grateful for the toilets being far enough away from the table that no one could hear my very animated heaving, and that I was the only person in there. I so wish I could master silent expulsion.

I thought I was done as the pain was gone so casually made my way back to the table and sat down to knowing sympathetic looks from my family. I thought I'd better have a few sips of water to make sure I was good to go which only served to confirm that I wasn't and that I was now sliming. I then gave my son the escalated instructions as I pushed my plate away, "Let them take it. This meal is over," before making a very urgent dash back to the toilets which, unfortunately, weren't empty this time. My sister was in there with my 8 year old niece but I didn't have the luxury of waiting 'til they were done so made my apologies and got down to business, chatting with my sister and niece inbetween heaves. I came out and my niece asked me if I'd been vomiting so I then had to give her a quick lesson on lap bands and food getting stuck and the only way to stop the pain is to vomit. She took it all in her stride in typical 8 year old fashion.

So then I had to make my way back to the table, again, with red watery eyes, and even more sympathetic knowing looks from my family. To top it off the waitress came and asked me if I was finished with my meal and as I passed my still full plate to her I said, "Yes thank you. It was lovely!" Because it was. She just gave me this incredulous look that said, sure, I can see that by the fact you ate practically none of it.

So now, my ex's wife has met me for the first time and what she would have seen was a woman who ordered an entree salad for dinner (the plate was piled high with rocket ... just rocket and a few scallops really), plus garlic bread, and then ate only a few bits of it and a small bite of garlic bread before running off to the toilet, twice, having most likely been vomiting each time, only to return and hand over her still full plate saying it was lovely. I must have looked like some crazy woman who goes out and says, "Just a salad and glass of water thanks," and to make it worse, barely even touches it before vomiting up what little she had, AND her family all being complicit in it and understanding and sympathetic about it.

At least I can see the funny side of it. And you know what ... tonight, half the size I was when I left my ex (partly) because he went off me because I was too fat ... in my knee high boots, leggings, short skirt and long top, with my hair, make up and nails done ... at least I looked fabulous doing it ... lol.

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There are probably comments going around like"now she's anorexic"!!  :) Just when you think every things fine…...

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I smiled all through this, because you are me! At least when I was having chemo, and I had to vomit, everyone just looked sympathetically at me when I came out of the cubicle. I have to admit, I've learnt to vomit very quietly and passively. I should probably carry a small bottle of water in my handbag to I can test my "stuckness" before I come out of the loo...

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Omg I had that meal - it was before my Dad's Australia Day Medal ceremony.  I know just how you feel except the toilet was not far away from the table and I had to go heave 3 times while we were there and only ate 2 spoonfuls of soup. 

Ah the life of the bandit - but hey is it better than before we had it - you betya.

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