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Day 3

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Barbarella

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Log for today

Exercise: 40 mins, walk and light jog: 10,500 steps - TICK

Food:

B: Cada Mix special.

S: Sk Cap. Avoided the scones at morning tea meeting!!! Gees so much food at work

L: Sashimi with grilled tuna, sushi and endamame - felt like a treat but healthy

S: Carmens Nut bar

D: Homemade hamburger. I so could have done without the bbq sauce and probably only eaten half the burger bun. So no treat tonight

Weight: 94kgs :( 

Goal weight: 73 kgs. My original goal was 68 - although for my height prob should be 64. But haven't been that weight since my 20s and that was my lowest weight. In high school remember being 73kgs and heavy. I just need to not get comfortable in my 80s which is what happens. I hate being in the 90s - feel so heavy esp in my tummy and arms. Just have to be focussed and committed. And not beat myself up if I ate the whole burger and have 'failure thoughts' and well you blew it so go keep blowing it. I easily self sabotage. 

So my weaknesses 

plain chips plain chips plain chips!!! I can eat a big bag in a sitting - disgusting but seriously like a drug for me. i am better off to not even eat one cause i seriously can't stop. not tempted by other flavour chips as much. I just need to avoid buying or buying for family. I usually try to buy ccs or doritos cause don't like those and won't be tempted.

snacking after dinner

lollies (at work - they so need to get rid of them - but just have to avoid them. It is amazing how much sugary temptations we have at work!!)

I think I did OK today. I think the fact that have really built up my fitness is good. I hate the idea of stopping because i know how painful it is to stop and start again. So feel comfortable to keep that pace and even step it up whilst focus on getting food right and also my thoughts. Really exhausting that beat myself up pretty much every day of my life on my weight. Need to change the inner dialogue. So hoping by writing it down I can get there. Perhaps instead of accepting the self sabotaging voice I just challenge it. 

I also have to learn how to deal with when food plans in household change so that can still be healthy. Ie in reality when i found out hubby was making burgers it was like always i give in. I should have said to myself OK have it but have half the bun, hold the cheese and just make a salad on the side. Next time - look its not that bad in comparison to other food choices, but I know this is how I then find myself on the slippery slope of no return. So am hoping by writing all the garbage out of my head I can avoid the slippery slope. Eww the slippery slope. It gives me the chills. I know for now I am so focussed on not getting near the slippery slope. I just need to be accountable by writing and be truthful so that can recognise if am teetering on the slippery slope so that can use my strength to pull myself off. I haven't succeeded ever! This time I will. This time I will. This time I will. Ok am hoping this is like Dorothy tapping her heels 3x saying there is no place like home and she gets there! I just have to fricken do it!

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