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About melissathegreat

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  • Birthday 04/17/1982

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  1. melissathegreat

    My boyfriend is 2 weeks post op and I need help supporting him

    Hello everyone, Thought id come back and update you all. His pain went away by itself and he has currently lost about 25 kilos. He FINALLY realised that when he eats stupid things he gets sick, and he got sick of vomiting all the time and having to leave the table halfway through dinner and us yelling at him to close all the doors so we couldnt hear him vomiting while we were trying to eat dinner. He has weeks where he doesnt lose much at all, like 300gms and other weeks he is losing 2 kilos. Hes looking REALLY good too, and hes got more energy and is walking the dog more frquently and doing more handyman things around the house. Yesterday he told me that he could eat crisps and coke all day if he wanted to because he can tolerate them, so he really is trying. All in all everyone is relaxed and happy (and Im considering having it done next year )
  2. melissathegreat

    My boyfriend is 2 weeks post op and I need help supporting him

    I called the dr yesterday. I didnt get to speak to the dr but the nurse at his clinic. She gave ME a ten minute lecture about how hes not supposed to be eating that... she said he is an adult, hes had the education, he knows what he should be doing. Thats all we can do. She also said that the signs of an infection arent always dramatic. Being sweaty and feeling like youve got a flu can also be a sign. After I rang the nurse I spoke to him and told him everything im feeling and some info about how to help his head hunger. All he ate last night (that I saw) was a normal bowl of soup. But this morning I see MY chocolate wrappers in the bin. Chocolates that he had given me for valentines day and that were "hidden" in my bedside table. I asked him if he ate those after the talk we had and he wont commit to when he ate them. Hes currently out for a walk with the dog- but thats a good point about why he is trying to prove people wrong that it doesnt work. Ill try that angle for my next talk with him. I am really close to giving up on him. When he is nice (90% of the time) hes amazing, helps with the kids, helps around the house without being asked, helps out with cooking and food prep and cleaning up after me, really loving and says such lovely things to me, is really supportive and encouraging. But when hes not nice (10%) of the time- picking arguments over stupid things, punishing my kids for things I dont feel need punishment (he says im too soft on them and i think hes too hard on them) that he is a bit of a hoarder, isnt motivated to do house renovations, anxiety stops him from working, they way he talks to his parents, and not following drs orders about eating food I really feel like hes not the man I signed up for. Im supposed to be doing a uni assignment but my head just isnt in the right place.
  3. melissathegreat

    My boyfriend is 2 weeks post op and I need help supporting him

    Thank you so much everyone for your replies. Im feeling much better knowing there is support for me during this difficult time. The reason I think he should go to the hospital is because he is in pain. Hes worse now than he was one week ago. Hes not looking the same colour that he was when he came home from hospital and the bags under his eyes are huge. He went to the gp because of the increased pain and the gp said he sould go to the hospital too. So I dont think im being crazy and asking him to go for no reason. He slept all afternoon yesterday, all night tonight and he got out of bed to have cereal and now he is back to bed saying he feels sick and he never wants to eat any food every again in his whole life. I tried to explain to him that maybe for today he shouldd stick to the liquid shake and very smal amounts and see if that helps the pain...... he does suffer from depression as well, all round he needs help. I mentioned to him that he should talk to the psych next week about a food addiction. This was after he made himself a huge bowl of pasta. He asked me to make it (theres 3 lots of different soups in the fridge for him to have, and theres still jelly) Theres also cup of soups, optislim soup sachets and cans of soup..... and I refused. He told me it was in the book and so I made him show me where, and it was there, but it said you had to puree it. He said he would just puree it with his teeth. I said no and went to get the kids ready for bed. After they were in bed his mum came and then he started to make the pasta. She was yelling at him and they were screaming at each other and she offered to cook him something else he was allowed but he refused and made the pasta. It was a huge bowl, the biggest one we have and it was a big portion. He ate nearly all of it. I was so worried. I dont understand how he could fit that inside him. Then got sick. But he couldnt vomit it up. I patteds his back for a minute then left him to it. I know I cant change him. I think now its more about me venting somewhere thats not on him so I dont blow my stack on him and make things worse. Theres no point fighting about it because nothing I say will make any difference, but I find it hard to keep my mouth shut so at least if its not on the tip of my tongue I might be able to keep it in a bit better. He didnt eat a whole chicken sandwhich on day 5/6, he made a half a sandwhich with roast chicken and cheese, and then only managed to eat half of a half. But he tried. As far as I know hes only had one dumping episode, when he had icecream. He wouldnt even sit down while it passed. He did see a psych before the op. It was only one session. Im thinking of getting some boxes and getting rid of every single thing out of the pantry except stuff he can have and just getting enough for us to eat one meal at a time. But I can see he would go nutso. I would manage ok, im on shakes for brekkie and lunch anyways and have been having the soup with him for dinner so its no big deal to me. The kids can have lunchorders everyday and they are happy to have soup for dinner too. Besides that though, his parens live next door so he can wander in there anytime he likes and eat their food so I dont think this plan will do anything but make him angry. I do try to stay out of his affairs. Before we got together I was married to a man child and I knew the next one would have to fend for himself because I wasnt about to baby another man. We have only been dating two years and hes a very private kind of a person so I feel like it would be a huge deal for me to ring his doctor. Im angry he has put me in this position to fear making this kind of choice and upsetting him. I will have to bite the bullet though and even though it is hard for me, its not unnessesary so im going to have to just do it. If he doesnt like me having to do things like calling his dr then he should be doing the right thing.
  4. Hi, My partner is two weeks post op from a gastric bypass. (yes Ive just realised that this is a banding support group) Anyways, hes not feeling great, and hes not looking great. Id like to send him to the hospital but he wont go. He took himself to the dr yesterday and the dr told him to go to the hospital. But he wont go. Hes not bad enough that id call an ambulance but I just dont understand if hes this bad and has been since yesterday why he wont go get checked. The quicker he is onto it the better. He might be given antibiotics and sent home, if he leaves it to get worse he might have to be admitted. Which he really doesnt want. The actual problem: Im finding it hard to support him. He stayed in hospital for 4 nights and the minute he got home he was eating food. The first thing he ate was a chicken sandwich. Like dude! your supposed to be on liquid diet- I have many ways to make the liquid diet tasty as Ive been on shakes for breakfast and lunch for 5 weeks now. But he wasnt interested, he didnt even try. He wasnt having as many shakes as he needed to be, for nutrients to heal his body and was just living off water. Ive been sending leftover food from dinner home with friends, or feeding it to the dog and sending food home from our pantry to other peoples houses so theres less here to temp him. I made him jelly, chocolate jelly, and broth, and homemade soups. I even made him little balls out of his vlcd drink to placate his need to chew. I bought him sugarfree chewing gum and sugar free lollies. Yes he continues to eat- saying he is hungry. Two nights ago I made soup, I gave him a small bowl of 1.5cups of soup and packaged him up anotehr two containers for later. He ate that one bowl, had a second and then went for his third. How can he even fit that much in there???? Yesterday took the cake, he got KFC. He said he had one piece of chicken but who knows. In the first week he lost 5 kilos, this last week he only lost 500gms. I guess hes been sneak eating more foods than I actually know about.(and then spending all day lounging around with a bucket nex tto him because all that food isnt doing him well) Im struggling with my emotions. Im supposed to be here supporting him and checking hes ok and helping him instead I want to slap him in the face and smother him with a pillow. Im just so mad. Im sad and I feel like he cant be trusted. Instead of lovingly stroking his head and plumping his pillows, im talking harsh to him to try and convince him to go to the dr. Hes not complaining as such but when he does I feel like telling him to get effed, if he doesnt care then why should I. So Im being frosty to him because hes acting like the biggest idiot I know. Im also ashamed of him, because everybody knows hes not sticking to his medical advice and thinks hes a loser. And all I can see is a giant loser who cant even stop eating to save his life. I know this operation wasnt about me, but I am suffering because I dont know how to act. I cant support him knowing he is causing himself to be "sick"...if he was sick when he was doing the right thing fair enough but hes not.