mamaraptor

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About mamaraptor

  • Rank
    Bandit
  • Birthday 07/18/1983

Profile Information

  • Gender Female
  • Location Melbourne, Australia
  • Band/Sleeve Status Thinking About It

mamaraptor's Activity

  1. mamaraptor added a blog entry in the adventures of mamaraptor   

    Familiar Sabotage
    Sometimes I think the hardest thing is waiting. The mind play's tricks on us and we convince ourselves that for that little bit longer we can do it on our own. We start sabotaging our efforts, eating more junk, bringing and telling ourselves that it will all be ok because soon, we will have the surgery we need to fix the problem. Then we begin to doubt. We start feeling sick, looking disgusting, feeling heavy and bloated. We ponder kick starting yet another diet and potentially some of us do so for a week or two. We feel empowered and believe that finally, we can do this on our own and don't need a silly surgery!

    A week or two later (or perhaps a month or two) we have slipped back into old habits. We are bringing again, growing again (at a rapid rate!) and we feel like we have failed. We blame ourselves, we hate ourselves. We never stop to consider why we are the way we are. We never stop to consider our upbringing and the way our brains have been programmed in those formative years. We succumb to societies view that we are disgusting, pathetic, worthless, lacking in control. So we eat more, the despair grows and again we consider surgery. Familiar?


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  2. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Disappointment   

    Thanks beautiful chook! I'm still looking but not going to give up!
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  3. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Disappointment   

    Hey all,

    Feeling a little disappointed today. I had approached my surgeon's rooms in writing with regards to a payment plan for the surgery and had offered to have a family member go guarantor for me in the event that I fell ill and could not make the repayments. I received a letter today rejecting my request. Now, I'm not disappointed at the rejection itself, however I am disappointed because:

    1. All three of my names (first, middle and last) were spelt incorrectly despite having a letter from my with my correct name
    2. The letter didn't answer any of my questions regarding blood tests etc
    3. The surgeon advised that in her opinion it costs her money and unless she gets payment upfront then I would need to go elsewhere
    4. It was written and signed by the secretary

    I'm probably old fashioned but generally when you put a request in writing asking questions etc, you expect to get something courteous back that at least has the correct spelling of your name? So, I'm currently looking for another surgeon and am glad that I didn't go to an initial appointment with this one. It's not about the money at all, I'm sure I can withdraw from super or ask parents for help, it was more the way the letter made me feel, disrespected. Come to think of it, I felt that when I first rang the clinic too to ask questions.
    So, I am wondering if anyone from Melbourne has any good recommendations, bad stories, or thoughts on who they liked? I know all surgeons can be a little sterile (I work with them myself!) however there is a difference between clinical and just cold and disrespectful.

    Has anyone tried LapSurgery Australia in Knox?

    Hope you are all having a lovely day!
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  4. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Regret?   

    Hi Kirky,

    I haven't been banded yet however I can give you some love this morning and assure you that its not a case of you "doing something wrong" and more a case of a learning opportunity. If your surgeon is condeming you like that I would potentially considering visiting another lap band surgeon for their opinion?

    Have you considered consulting with the dietician again? If you are still hungry there is potentially not enough fill in the band to restrict you?

    Do not give up. It is too easy to give up and now you have done the hard yards of recovery through surgery you just need to be patient and reap the rewards. Have they done an x-ray or ultrasound of the port and band? Has it slipped at all?

    I really don't believe any surgeon telling you that you are doing something wrong is helpful or productive. We all know that obesity is as much a psychological condition as it is a physical condition and all he/she is doing is to feed your psyche that you aren't good enough and have failed again.

    We are with you. Don't forget your worth and that you are loved.
    xx
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  5. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: APRA Wording and advice   

    Hey beautiful bandits!

    Still getting really antsy waiting for my appointment with the specialist on the 2nd. I just want to get this over and done with! Am hoping and praying for a surgery date at the end of the year/start of next year (good way to start 2012!!).

    I was wondering how everyone who drew down super went with their letters? I am about to get them from the surgeon (not so worried about that) but need my GP to write one also (who is not the best with English). Was there anything specific you had your doctors write to assist with your application?

    Have to admit I am a little nervous having read over everyone's experiences. I've had a few surgeries (appendictomy via incision, not laproscope: wisdom teeth with gum extraction, gastroscopies etc etc) but am a little bit nervous about this one (especially when it comes to the vomiting! I hate vomiting!).

    Much love xxoo
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  6. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Bouncy bounce the emotional rollercoaster   

    You guys are all so wonderful, I really appreciate your advice, love and support!

    Kate, the money I would need is only the gap (approx $4000.00) as I have full private health cover which is a relief! I can't imagine having to find $14,000.00!!! That would kill me!!!!!

    Have tried to get in with the surgeon quicker however they are pretty much booked up right until the date of my appointment. This is a good lesson in patience for me, I'm not really patient at ALL.

    However feeling really positive today. The weather in Melbourne is beautiful and I spent my lunch break driving around town with the windows down! So nice! I started thinking about how awesome it would be to be back to a size 10 and feel comfortable walking around in a summery dress without worrying about my rolls, lines, sweat and saggy arms. The thought made me really happy. I also started thinking about taking up martial arts again once I lose some of the weight and it sounds so good! Also, just the thought of being off the medication and being able to shop in bras and things again! LOL!!

    What are you guys looking forward to? xx
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  7. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Bouncy bounce the emotional rollercoaster   

    Hi beautiful people,

    How much fun is it riding the emotional roller-coaster express? I feel like this week I am exhausted both physically and emotionally. I still have my initial appointment with the surgeon on the 3rd November but right now I'm wondering how I am even going to make it to the 3rd? The usual doubts have started raising their head again:

    - If you just got your act together you could do this

    - What the hell is wrong with you? Just eat better?

    - You are a terrible person, you are going to cut yourself up and have things put in you because you can't control yourself?

    - Are you being irrational? Shouldn't you just be able to do this yourself

    And on and on it goes. The positive side is that my GP has provided the referral so things are looking good from that perspective. Finding the $4000.00 out of pocket is going to be difficult. I have considered drawing down super however I am only 28 and it is going to be difficult to establish a 'life threatening illness'. I also can't imagine waiting any longer than a few weeks, I am going nuts. I can't get a loan due to some very unfortunate forced financial circumstances in my early teens and I don't have anyone in a position to loan the money either. So, these things are bouncing around in my head. I could go on the private waiting list, but then I wonder why I have private healthcover in the first place if i can't use it?

    Then there is the guilt... and the fear! Found out on Monday that a lady in our office has actually had a gastric sleeve. She is still really big and sleeve was performed over two years ago. She has advised that even though she has had a large portion of her stomach removed, she is still able to eat a fair bit. She has started losing her hair and advised that this was "common" for people both who have the sleeve and who are banded. Her skin is terrible and she really doesn't believe much in the sleeve or the band, except for the first initial weight loss. It sounds really awful and vain but wouldn't it be better to be fat and glowing? I can't even believe I typed that publically let alone am thinking it.

    Part of me becomes really angry. Society is conditioned to reject people who are not the 'norm' and I feel part of me rebelling. I have often said that a man will have to love me for who I am however no man loves me like this, and on the one hand whilst the desire to be slim and healthy is so appealing, the destructive side of me wants to keep putting on the weight so that when I do find a man who loves me, he loves me regardless of my size. I fully recognise that thinking is dangerous (and to be honest, stupid) but it's helping just being able to share the thoughts.

    On top of this, I have been offered my dream job however for the first x2 years it is unpaid volunteer (normal for the industry) which means I would need to find part time work (x3 days at 24 hours per week) at a similar pay rate. I am really comfortable where I work now however the work doesn't make me happy and it takes me 3 hours a day to drive to and from work. Am I talking myself out of a good thing? Why do we always self sabotage ourselves?

    So, I'm currently thinking of seeing if i can get an appointment earlier than the 2nd to get everything underway and ideally be banded before Christmas. I know this is wishful thinking given I have no way currently of obtaining the $4000.00 and I have some tough things to consider ahead of me. Exhausted, emotional and irritated.

    Hoping that by sharing some of the thoughts it will make everyone else feel normal.

    xxoo


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  8. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Bouncy bounce the emotional rollercoaster   

    Hi beautiful people,

    How much fun is it riding the emotional roller-coaster express? I feel like this week I am exhausted both physically and emotionally. I still have my initial appointment with the surgeon on the 3rd November but right now I'm wondering how I am even going to make it to the 3rd? The usual doubts have started raising their head again:

    - If you just got your act together you could do this

    - What the hell is wrong with you? Just eat better?

    - You are a terrible person, you are going to cut yourself up and have things put in you because you can't control yourself?

    - Are you being irrational? Shouldn't you just be able to do this yourself

    And on and on it goes. The positive side is that my GP has provided the referral so things are looking good from that perspective. Finding the $4000.00 out of pocket is going to be difficult. I have considered drawing down super however I am only 28 and it is going to be difficult to establish a 'life threatening illness'. I also can't imagine waiting any longer than a few weeks, I am going nuts. I can't get a loan due to some very unfortunate forced financial circumstances in my early teens and I don't have anyone in a position to loan the money either. So, these things are bouncing around in my head. I could go on the private waiting list, but then I wonder why I have private healthcover in the first place if i can't use it?

    Then there is the guilt... and the fear! Found out on Monday that a lady in our office has actually had a gastric sleeve. She is still really big and sleeve was performed over two years ago. She has advised that even though she has had a large portion of her stomach removed, she is still able to eat a fair bit. She has started losing her hair and advised that this was "common" for people both who have the sleeve and who are banded. Her skin is terrible and she really doesn't believe much in the sleeve or the band, except for the first initial weight loss. It sounds really awful and vain but wouldn't it be better to be fat and glowing? I can't even believe I typed that publically let alone am thinking it.

    Part of me becomes really angry. Society is conditioned to reject people who are not the 'norm' and I feel part of me rebelling. I have often said that a man will have to love me for who I am however no man loves me like this, and on the one hand whilst the desire to be slim and healthy is so appealing, the destructive side of me wants to keep putting on the weight so that when I do find a man who loves me, he loves me regardless of my size. I fully recognise that thinking is dangerous (and to be honest, stupid) but it's helping just being able to share the thoughts.

    On top of this, I have been offered my dream job however for the first x2 years it is unpaid volunteer (normal for the industry) which means I would need to find part time work (x3 days at 24 hours per week) at a similar pay rate. I am really comfortable where I work now however the work doesn't make me happy and it takes me 3 hours a day to drive to and from work. Am I talking myself out of a good thing? Why do we always self sabotage ourselves?

    So, I'm currently thinking of seeing if i can get an appointment earlier than the 2nd to get everything underway and ideally be banded before Christmas. I know this is wishful thinking given I have no way currently of obtaining the $4000.00 and I have some tough things to consider ahead of me. Exhausted, emotional and irritated.

    Hoping that by sharing some of the thoughts it will make everyone else feel normal.

    xxoo


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  9. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Five years of umm and ahh and finally a choice!   

    You guys are welcoming and wonderful! I can tell you are all going to be amazing already!!!
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  10. mamaraptor added a post in a topic: Five years of umm and ahh and finally a choice!   

    Good morning everyone!

    Thought i would take the time to introduce myself this morning! Given i've been stalking you all for the last week through the forum it only seemed fair!

    Hailing from Melbourne, this is not the first time I have considered banding. In approx 2005 I had undertaken all the consultations, blood tests, psych tests etc and had even drawn down super to fund the out of pocket expenses. Unfortunantley my partner at the time was not very supportive at all and talked me into "exercising" more and going on his strict regime of food and diet. Needless to say I soon left him and spent the next five years eating myself into oblivion. Now, another 20 kilos heavier I hadn't been feeling right for weeks and hadn't had my period for a whole year! I went to a specialist and was diagnosed with Graves disease, extremely high cholesterol, PCOS and irregular heart beat. Along with some pretty awesome looking cysts in my overies and along the endomyterium wall

    So, the regime of taking a million pills begun. Pills for the thyroid, for the heart, for the cholesterol, for the depression, for the pain and on and on it goes. What I've come to realise is this: I cannot and never will be able to manage this on my own and that for the last 28 years I have been psychologically supressing myself with food! As such, I have made another initial appointment with a banding surgeon and have decided that I really want to go through with the banding procedure.

    Am i scared? Absolutley. Am i trying to sabotage myself and talk myself out of it? Of course I am. Are family and friends attempting to just get me to "exercise more" and "eat less", you know they are. At the end of the day however, it comes down to a choice and that choice can only be made by us. So after much ummming, ahhinngg and general eating into oblivion, I have made my choice and am sitting secure in that choice. I have no doubt over the next few months that you guys are going to see me go mental and flip back and forwards through the process of yes, no, yes no. However, I have trust and faith that I am making the right choice and feel like this forum will be the perfect place to share in trust, love and confidence.

    Interested to know if any of the Melbournites (or even the other states too!) have found a surgeon who is willing to put you on a payment plan? I have full private health however the out of pocket is $4,000.00. I want to get banded ASAP however it would take me months to save up the 4k (obviously, the longer I wait, the worse i get).

    Your thoughts would be so appreciated. Looking forward to growing and sharing this journey with you all.

    xx
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