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Barbarella last won the day on December 26 2018

Barbarella had the most liked content!

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About Barbarella

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    Veteran Bandit

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  • Band/Sleeve Status
    2+ Years Post-Op
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  1. Barbarella

    Day 3

    Log for today Exercise: 40 mins, walk and light jog: 10,500 steps - TICK Food: B: Cada Mix special. S: Sk Cap. Avoided the scones at morning tea meeting!!! Gees so much food at work L: Sashimi with grilled tuna, sushi and endamame - felt like a treat but healthy S: Carmens Nut bar D: Homemade hamburger. I so could have done without the bbq sauce and probably only eaten half the burger bun. So no treat tonight Weight: 94kgs Goal weight: 73 kgs. My original goal was 68 - although for my height prob should be 64. But haven't been that weight since my 20s and that was my lowest weight. In high school remember being 73kgs and heavy. I just need to not get comfortable in my 80s which is what happens. I hate being in the 90s - feel so heavy esp in my tummy and arms. Just have to be focussed and committed. And not beat myself up if I ate the whole burger and have 'failure thoughts' and well you blew it so go keep blowing it. I easily self sabotage. So my weaknesses plain chips plain chips plain chips!!! I can eat a big bag in a sitting - disgusting but seriously like a drug for me. i am better off to not even eat one cause i seriously can't stop. not tempted by other flavour chips as much. I just need to avoid buying or buying for family. I usually try to buy ccs or doritos cause don't like those and won't be tempted. snacking after dinner lollies (at work - they so need to get rid of them - but just have to avoid them. It is amazing how much sugary temptations we have at work!!) I think I did OK today. I think the fact that have really built up my fitness is good. I hate the idea of stopping because i know how painful it is to stop and start again. So feel comfortable to keep that pace and even step it up whilst focus on getting food right and also my thoughts. Really exhausting that beat myself up pretty much every day of my life on my weight. Need to change the inner dialogue. So hoping by writing it down I can get there. Perhaps instead of accepting the self sabotaging voice I just challenge it. I also have to learn how to deal with when food plans in household change so that can still be healthy. Ie in reality when i found out hubby was making burgers it was like always i give in. I should have said to myself OK have it but have half the bun, hold the cheese and just make a salad on the side. Next time - look its not that bad in comparison to other food choices, but I know this is how I then find myself on the slippery slope of no return. So am hoping by writing all the garbage out of my head I can avoid the slippery slope. Eww the slippery slope. It gives me the chills. I know for now I am so focussed on not getting near the slippery slope. I just need to be accountable by writing and be truthful so that can recognise if am teetering on the slippery slope so that can use my strength to pull myself off. I haven't succeeded ever! This time I will. This time I will. This time I will. Ok am hoping this is like Dorothy tapping her heels 3x saying there is no place like home and she gets there! I just have to fricken do it!
  2. Barbarella

    Day 2 log

    Alarm didn't go off and woke up at 6.11 instead of 5.40 so missed bootcamp. Got up anyway and took dog to bay and jogged / walked for 40 mins. Achieved over 10K steps today yay! Food log: B: same as yest. S: S/Cap L: 9 grains toast (2 slices) + ricotta and ham + carrots sticks S: Chickpea snack D: Pesto pasta + salad S: Choc coconut bliss ball. Achievements: still getting up ato exercise even though missed boot camp, saying no to work cake in the morning (birthday) and afternoon tea!!! Lots of saved calories Hunger levels. Good. Started feeling hungry on drive home even though had afternoon snack. Didn't really feel hungry after dinner. But having the little healthy treat will hopefully be the thing that helps break the night craving. What could have done better - perhaps a little less pasta (was probably more than cup in size) and less oil on salad. I think pretty Ok mix of carbs / protein / veg. #repeat tomorrow! No temptations tomorrow like today. #oneday at a time! #honestyisthebestpolicy. #motivation level = 10.
  3. Barbarella

    Starting Over

    How is it all going for you.? i remember you too. I am with you! Fallen off and back on the wagon. Its an ongoing journey isn't it!!!!
  4. Barbarella

    Back on the treadmill - Day 1

    I just posted that I am back after being away for a long time. I left because I thought I didn't need the support anymore that all was going swell and then when I pretty much regained it all I felt like a failure. So now am just over it. Over feeling sorry for myself and over always repeating the same mistakes. On the negative I beat myself up because the amount of times I have actually lost weight I would have literally disintegrated into nothing but on the flip side if I didn't reign myself in, I wouldn't fit into my house! So I think I need to change my mindset and slowly get back on track and set goals that ups the ante and keeps me motivated. I just need a supportive community that will keep me accountable. Or in the least putting it down in writing here hopefully will keep me on track to meeting goals that aren't just numbers / scale based. So I am going to start by setting weekly and daily goals. Week One: FOOD: Log my food every day Pay attention to portion size Pay attention to hunger vs emotions 5 small meals per day (i.e. B, L & D and 2 snacks). Pay attention and be determined at dinner time. Be conscious to reduce portions as this is where I blow it and have salad/veg with dinner and avoid / minimise carbs. EXERCISE: 5 days : 3 - 4 days resistance/ weights + cardio:2 x week Boot Camp (paid for, this wk 3 x as didn't use last week) and 2 days Walk Dog (add in jogging) for 45 mins 2 x week. The Plan: Tues BC, Weds WD, Thurs BC, Fri WD, Sat BC, Sun WD. 10K Steps. Todays Food Log (thus far): B: Cada Mix (made in TMX i.e. apple, dates, dess. coconut, almonds, pepitas) + strawberries, blueberries, and coconut chobani yoghurt. Love this - this is my new go to brekkie fave. At least I start the day well! ate at 8am. S: Skim Cap @ 10am L: Small bread roll with ricotta and prosciutto @1pm S: Go Natural Nut Delight Muesli Bar. Start feeling hungry just after 4 which is when I ate this. D: Baked Salmon and Salad @6.15pm. Went with kids and dog for walk after dinner and actually felt full. S: have 2 coconut bliss balls (home made set aside if feel like it). Just under 10K steps - feel pretty good about day 1.
  5. Barbarella

    Starting Again

    I haven't been on this site for many years. I was banded in 2012. I have always been overweight and a yo yo dieter. I ballooned out to 104kgs which was my max ever weight when I was banded and lost over 20 kgs in first 6 mths. I then plateaued for ages and didn't lose any more weight. Slowly slowly my bad habits crept in and over the years, I have regained and lost weight. Maxing at 95kgs and not being able to get under 82 kgs despite a goal of between 68-73kgs. I have been exercising on and off for the past 3 years. This year I maxed out again to 97kgs and started exercising again. But haven't been able to get eating right so keep losing and gaining the same 4 kgs which is frustrating. So frustrating I feel I need my brain banded. I thought the band would be the magic bullet - but it wasnt/isnt. It doesn't help that I am a secret bander so don't have any one that keeps me accountable. My hubby has given up on my WL efforts. He loves eating which doesn't help, so he is also my enabler rather than motivator. I remember this was a really helpful forum so thought I would reconnect and start again in the hopes it keeps me accountable and I can get on top of and manage my habits.
  6. Barbarella

    August 2012 Bandits

    Wow Ali. That is great and so inspiring. I am back for a hit of inspiration. Am a massive failure. Haven't been able to lose weight and lost my focus. Story of my life. Am hoping that this time I can get my head in the right space so that the band does its thing and I continue to lose weight. On the plus side at least I haven't gained. In previous attempts I would have already been back at square 1 plus more. So am glad u are doing so well. What has kept u motivated?
  7. Barbarella

    August 2012 Bandits

    Hi all ... havent been to visit for ages. Last 2 mths have been losing and gaining the same kilo ... major plateauing!!! Doesnt help that my night time urges to snack have crept back in!!! So tonight, no snacking! Today went for a fill as have been feeling hungry in between meals and I think I have been eating for maintenance not for weight loss. So for maintenance I can enjoy a treat or 3 but for weight loss what I found worked was to have cappuccino for breakfast, salad or a grainy sandwich for lunch and then for dinner, protein, veg and carb or a veg style pasta. Occassional alcohol! So alcohol more frequent - big no no. And Easter has thrown my diet out of whack ... so no more chocolate! Am hoping I can start losing weight again. Just need to get into the right head space as clearly havent been in the right head space, which makes it frustrating to lose and gain that same friggin kilo! Need to bust out of the plateau and get back into the 70s. How is everyone going? Its great to be losing weight ... but its not as easy as i thought ... plus I have no time for exercise with full time work and family commitments, and now that winter is on its way, the thought of exercise is so unappealing. So just have to get the eating under control!!! Time to reprogram my brain for weight loss success! Watch this space - hopefully next time can report something positive. Look forward to hearing how you are all going.
  8. Barbarella


    Good on you. Your legs look great btw. Despite the bloody knee. You are doing so well! And you can see that your spirit can not be defeated!
  9. Barbarella

    Diets done and successes/failures

    I was probably 10 or 11 when was put on my first diet for being overweight. Remembered at the time how horrible wholemeal bread and ricotta was (love it now!) Always self conscious as a teen and my mum a serial dieter would always give me smaller portions at dinner (and then would sneak biscuits etc from pantry and eat them in my room after dinner - which probably explains why my hour of weakness is still after dinner perhaps?) Jenny Craig - lost weight but gained Soup Diet, countless gym memberships. Especially from late teens throughout my 20s, was a gym exercise junkie. Would exercise more than eat healthy. Now I just dont have time for exercise what with fulltime work and kids! Too exhausted. Lite N Easy - twice. Worked and lost 1kg per week until I got bored and started skipping the meals until I went completely off it and then immediately regained. Dietician. Slow weight loss but steady. Finally got pregnant and despite twin pregnancy didnt gain a massive amount (until the end due to fluid retention - which lost pretty much straight away) Was only 4kg heavier than when fell pregnant but within the year had put on 12 kgs! And heaviest had ever been in my life at 104kgs! I am now at the default weight I end up after dieting in my 30s and as I approach 40 my biggest fear is I wont get to under 80. And to think in my 20s Weighing 76kgs was so overweight!!! And now the lap band! Try to keep portions in check but easy to eat slow and eat more. Aim for 2-3 meals a day with no snacking (although evenings can sometimes be my weakness esp when in company). Sick of counting calories and strick routines. Just trying to be sensible whilst still enjoying eating. At the end of the day LOVE food! Want to have a healthy relationship with food. But fighting those demons is still a daily battle!!! From fighting to have strenght and willpower to fighting against the saboteur and negative feelings of failure. I hope that one day I can be rid of dieting, guilt and have a healthy relationship with food with the help of the band!
  10. Barbarella

    A deep and meaningful question

    Shorty you have done so well and so close to goal. I guess of the band failing / failing the band doesnt go away? I am a secret bandit too and as a result act like I am not accountable if going out for dinner etc. Whereas when people know you tend to make more of an effort. Well I would think. Although don't make more of an effort with hubbie and he obviously knows. Great thread BTW ...
  11. Barbarella

    A deep and meaningful question

    Kazbo I have the same thoughts too. I have been at the weight I am too many times not been able to maintain and gain. Find it difficult to believe that the weight will keep going down and that I will even reach goal and maintain. bugs me no end .. and then the doubt tampers with the healthy eating ... not good need to start believing so that dont get stuck in this rut! Be interested to hear if anyone else has same thought - or had same thoughts - and were able to break through rut and get over that negative thinking and push forward to goal!
  12. Barbarella

    1 year on, what have you achieved?

    Well done Lizzy and Butterflies. Thanks for sharing. Inspiring! Would love to hear what really helped you stay on track and the kind of foods you ate. Almost 6 mths on and 1/2 way to goal and doubt at this rate will reach goal by 1 year anniversary. Have been a bit slack with diet of late and its true you cant band your head. Was tempted to have some M&Ms before so was a good thing to read this thread to help me stay focussed and away from the m&ms!!!
  13. Barbarella

    August 2012 Bandits

    Hi August Banditos ... Hope everyone doing well. This thread has slowed down, but wanted to take a moment to check in. Finally reached my Xmas goal (1 month later LOL) Oh well, I did enjoy Xmas and the holiday eating but thankfully was pretty active so was surprised that remained the same weight. Had a fill 2 weeks ago and finally weight starting to shift. Have had a few stuck moments. Can still eat pretty much anything, but find that soft white bread sometimes a bit hard, so avoid. But other naughty things like, popcorn or icecream or chips, I should be avoiding, but they go down fine too. Have been sticking to 2 - 3 meals per day. But finding my night time eating (ie after kids asleep and on lounge with hubby) seems to be creeping back in. So need to curb that. Hard to be saintly. But cant believe have lost 20kgs! Can feel in clothes but dont necessarily feel thinner if that makes sense. Maybe will mentally notice it more when get out of the 80s and into the 70s ... has been years since was in the 70s. Have another appt in 2 weeks, so might try for another fill. A little more restriction would probably be a good thing, as still feel can eat way more than 1/2 cup. Hope to hear how you are all doing.
  14. Barbarella

    Good bye everyone

    I think u can safely go shopping
  15. Barbarella

    August 2012 Bandits

    How is everyone going? Would love to hear how a you are all progressing Haven't lost anymore weight despite a small fill. But the way have been eating with so many Xmas functions I could have sworn I had put on weight so was surprised I didn't. Had first stuck moment when went out for dinner the other night with hubbie. Thankfully it passed but freaked me a little and didn't eat much more which was probably a good thing. I think I need another fill though. Am getting hungry more frequently in between meals. Won't be going back for almost another month and to be honest want to enjoy Xmas and holiday break. We are going camping at a holiday park. Can't wait. Kids love it! So as long as come back and have eaten well even if not so strict and started to exercise and hopefully just stay the same in the least happy with that and then will get straight back into it when get back home and back into routine again. Wishing everyone a merry Xmas and a happy new healthy and skinny year