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About ezerine

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  1. ezerine

    Not fitting the mould

    This is interesting... I think everyone feels like they don't fit in. I wonder if it is part of the reasons we are human? I certainly feel out of step with others all the time.
  2. ezerine


    That's wonderful news.... can I recommend a book that was my godsend when I first got promoted to management. "what to do when you become the boss" by Bob Seldon. The second thing I would say is... be sure you want it. As a manager will you still get to use your skills that you love that made you shine in the first place? The reason I say this is its very hard to go back... and it will change your career trajectory... the other reason I say that is because if they have approached you once it means you are very good at your job and other opportunities will arise for you. Congratulations girl... what a success!! Kudos!!
  3. ezerine

    Being FAT is Comfortable

    wow... what an inspiration you are. and such thoughtful points.
  4. ezerine

    Hard times

    what goes up must go down.... My own little black dog (my infertility) has surfaced again. This happens when those I love around me get pregnant or new beautiful babies arrive. I am happy for them but so sad for myself and it starts back an old cycle about "your not fixable, your body is crap" I am so sad. The worst thing is I am so angry at myself for making their joy about me when its not. Its about them. I don't want to feel like this because the sad reality is it will happen over and over. I am only 36 and many of my loved ones are just starting to have children (as they are younger). And all my own pain does is hurt my loved ones and dampen their own joy. (and for those who are wondering.. no gay people cant adopt and yes, we tried everything. for years). But its my reality. Truth is, most of my life I have felt out of step with those around me. I am very successful career wise and this in turn isolates as well in terms of hours and availability and a lot of the women working at my level are much older than me (and yes I have some wonderful older friends but sometimes you just want to go out and have a few drinks and just hang with people your own age). I have been eating chocolate like its going out of fashion. Part of me misses being able to eat a big meal. Being able to for a little while drown out my own pain with food. It doesn't work any more. Suddenly I feel like I don't fit in my body. Is anyone else going through this? any suggestions for how to get through these times (because the one thing infertility guarantees is there will be more of them). .
  5. ezerine

    Hardest days of opti?

    every friggin day
  6. ezerine

    peoples opinions make me shake my head.

    *sigh* I wish they would just focus on themselves. but I am just as guilty as the next person of not always doing that. I have a partner who is also banded and sometimes I forget to shut my own mouth when I see her doing something I think might be a problem. Its a battle isn't it... one I havent won... about when you can be legitimately caring and when its none of your friggin business. Just saying its not as easy as all that to distance yourself when it is someone you care about
  7. First one... not sure if my heaviest weight but close!! (Am not measuring kilos) Second one.... posing cowgirl style.. 2 weeks ago Third one... first non scale victory... my first goal t-shirt that's a medium plus size and my new cowgirl boots (pull on) they fit my calves!!! . Woohoo!!
  8. My god. Today was the first day I really noticed it and I reached two non scale victories all at once!! My goals have been numerous. To somehow move on from the years of infertility and disappointment and to stop viewing my body as a run down old car wreck that cant bear children. To somehow find enjoyment again. The first photo here was on a cruise which we booked just after the last IVF failed. We hadn't had a holiday in years (as all our money went into IVF). It was a step... a step to acknowledging that there was more to our life. I am not sure if this was my heaviest ever but it was up there. Other goals included, making a change in my work, moving onto a property, and buying and training my own horse (to do long-reining and have him trained to be a riding horse), learning to make things with my hands, . My goal weight is 98... I want to be able to ride again. I haven't ridden since I was a child. I have purposely not got on the scales as I can become obsessive and weigh myself too often. However.... I fit into my first medium (plus size) t-shirt today... it was my interim goal t-shirt and has been sitting in my cupboard for two months. (YAY!!!) I also bought my first pair of pull on non plus size cowgirl boots. (double YAY!!) When I looked at the photo from June and the photo from yesterday... I could really for the first time see the difference. I have spent the last week with my soon to be horse, Presto. He is long reining!! Whats more, he loves it. In three weeks we move onto 25 acres. Tomorrow I start my new job. I built it... and slowly, ever so slowly, it is coming. For the first time in years... I have had a rebirth of hope.
  9. ezerine

    Non Scale Victories (NSVs)

    OMG... bought my first pair of non plus non stretch ariat boots.
  10. ezerine

    Buggery Buggery Bollocks...

    you go Mimijumb. I hear you and you stick to your guns about your meds. Dont let them put you on epilim. Unfortunately there arent a lot of meds out there that dont have weight gaining properties...
  11. ezerine

    Soup recipes from the knife fork band book

    Yes.. the best ones were the tomato beef and the cauliflower and bacon
  12. ezerine

    What's your addiction

    vampire novels
  13. ezerine

    Are there any Drs in Hervey Bay

    I went with Dr Baxter on the sunny coast, he was just a better fit for me. I met Dr Delacey but decided Dr Baxter was for me... and he is wonderful. He has been doing these for 20 years and I have nothing but praise really. both my partner and i went to him.
  14. ezerine

    Husbands... need i say more?

  15. ezerine

    intersting Doco. the truth about fat

    I really struggled with the presenter. she annoyed me.