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Nicolalia

Confessions of a secret eater!

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Today I have caught myself out 'secret eating'!!!!! And now that I noticed that I did it today - I've realised I've done it a couple times in the last week!!!

I have a bit of a problem with chocolate at the moment, to the point where my Dad actually had a little word with me about it - (he's a very good Papa Bear who loves me very much and was just concerned that I made a big decision to improve health and have been doing so well but might just be veering off the path a little at the moment)

I popped into Woolies today to pick up a couple of things - and ate a pack of 'finger' timtams while walking around the supermarket. I also brought myself a little strawberry milk AND some light and tangy chips for the drive home (45mins)............ and then stopped at the servo half way to buy some chocolate for later on!

When I got home - i put the milk (empty) and chips (half empty) in the bin down stairs so no one would know. I've also hidden the chocolate in my bag as I don't want to disappoint my Dad. (or if i'm totally honest - so i don't have to share it!! :( this will be eaten in my room after they go to bed )

So.... i guess the point of this thread is to bring myself to account, ask for support, advice and reassurance that I can and will get past this.

I'm thinking that I've got some self sabotage happening at the moment but haven't really figured out why!!!

Has anyone else suffered from self sabotage? What was the reason behind it and how did you get past it?

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oh yes! And how! I used to do that all the time - snack on the way home so I wouldn't have to share; hide food; eat late at night; thats how we got to this point.

These days I just dont shop as often and refuse to buy things "in case we have guests" then eat it all myself

Keep hanging in there and every morning tell yourself its a new day and a new start

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Honey I have done this many times! and with easter around i ate plenty chocolate, a bit upset about it but i did it to myself, just remember that you're only cheating yourself and the band won't help you. Its hard to stay away from these types of foods but we have to be strong :)

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This has been a major issue for me!

I have now started going to the local fruit and veggie shop or fresh produce market rather than the supermarket and occasionally buy a fruit I don't have often as a "treat" (raspberies or mango or a fresh fig).

For the staple foods not available at the fruit and veg shop I get from Coles Online, which is delivered to my house. That way there is no temptation to buy anything I shouldn't.

If I buy meat (not very often - I only have meat about once a fortnight) I will get it from my local butcher and I have a lovely seafood shop near my work to buy any seafood from.

This helps eliminate the temptations and helps the local businesses at the same time!

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There has been a lot of research lately showing that when we lose weight, our bodies create extra hunger to make us put it back on. It's not a lack of willpower; it's the body trying to regain the weight. There are metabolic changes. It's some sort of survival mechanism. Anyhow, since the band helps us to control our hunger I suspect the brain finds other ways to "help" us to regain the weight. Ergo the secret eating, the desire to shovel down the food and any other bad habits we've learned in the past.

I've done it myself recently. I felt stressed and found myself chomping down a huge pkt of potato chips. Of course I had to hide it from hubby so I stuffed them in the crockpot in the cupboard and put the lid back on. LOL!!!

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I find myself eating in secret all the time. I'll often wait for my in-laws to leave the house before I raid the fridge or even just have my lunch. I've also driven to maccas, eaten in the car and disposed of the evidence. I've only started doing this since deciding on banding though, its interesting. It is total self-sabotage and I dont know why i feel the need to do it. Living with my in-laws i am constantly faced by the temptation of the food they buy. Were i in my own house, and did my own shopping, i would never buy chips, chocolate, biscuits, or soft drink, BUT THEY DO. its not my house, and i live here for very cheap, so its not like i can ask them not to buy it, or hide it. They would just tell me "well dont eat it then". They dont understand how hard it is to fight the temptation. Now I'm not entirely blaming them, it is my problem and one im hoping banding will help me overcome, but it certainly doesnt make it any easier to resist.

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I find that (when i did our food shopping), it was easier for me to avoid temptation if i took a list to the shop, and did like a weeks worth of food shopping. if i only go to the shop every couple of days for maybe one or two nights worth of dinner, i always put extra naughty things into the trolley!

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My secret eating exploits are FAMOUS....for me, it was having something just 'for me' something I didn't have to share. This seems to be common amongst those who have responded. We as mothers, partners, daughters, whatever seem to be expected to share such treats so it drives a person to secret eating and hiding the evidence. My car was the worst place I did it...especially maccas, etc. I stopped eating in the car (now it feels wierd to do) and I rarely secret eat. It takes time and practice to break this habit.

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Oh my god. This is me at the moment. I dunno why i feel that secret eating is doing me any good. I know its wrong...and thats why i hide. So really im just ruining myself, not anyone else. And then when i dont lose weight i get upset.....How stupid am i? I really want to stop thinking about food, i think the band is doing its job, but ive done all i cant to work out how to trick it and win....it makes me cry even writing this because i dont wanna be a failure. I wasnt like this when i first had my band done...but 12 months on i think i need a good slap in the face. Maybe sitting here writing this will do it, cause im definately embarrassed. yep....embarrassed and disgusted in myself.

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I wait until hubby goes to bed before eating my naughties. Can't just shovel it in any more. Haven't done it so much lately. I used to be really bad before I got my band. I would buy things and eat them in the car and then, if I got home and hubby was there, I would hide the wrappers in my car. Some times I have self control, but it doesn't take much for me to think that I deserve a special treat.

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Omg I'm so glad I found this post!!!! Have had a rough couple of weeks with a death in the family and some other stress and I think it affected my band, so I went to the hospital on Easter Saturday and the doctor emptied my band totally... I got immediate relief, funny thing is the emergency dic said to me 'now thus is not a ticket to go eat whatever you want!' so what do you think I did??? I have been eating like its my last supper to last week....maccas....KFC......Chinese....Thai noodles...bread, Omg bread! Lollies, chips, chocolate, milkshakes, you name it, this week I've eaten it....! Self sabotage much? Even worse I've been secret eating this stuff, tonight I had a big mac meal and a cheeseburger in the car on th way home! My appt with my surgeon is tomorrow so I expect him to refill me but I don't know if I'll tell him about my eating or not, I don't want to disappoint him, as I'm so disappointed in myself at the moment....

With my fill in I was feeling good and in control, I never felt like I was missing out in things, now I'm scared that I've had a taste for my old habits that I'll sabotage my band...I wonder if I'll ever have a 'normal' relationship with food???

What would you do with a free pass???

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And if you're a bit hungry when you pop into the supermarket (which you often are if you go on the way home from work) its fatal.

I've found it helps to either not go there when Im hungry or else be VERY, CONSTANTLY mindful of the fact that Im a bit peckish as Im walking around the isles and have it clear in my head that that is why im being so tempted by things I know are not a great idea.

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Omg I'm so glad I found this post!!!! Have had a rough couple of weeks with a death in the family and some other stress and I think it affected my band, so I went to the hospital on Easter Saturday and the doctor emptied my band totally... I got immediate relief, funny thing is the emergency dic said to me 'now thus is not a ticket to go eat whatever you want!' so what do you think I did??? I have been eating like its my last supper to last week....maccas....KFC......Chinese....Thai noodles...bread, Omg bread! Lollies, chips, chocolate, milkshakes, you name it, this week I've eaten it....! Self sabotage much? Even worse I've been secret eating this stuff, tonight I had a big mac meal and a cheeseburger in the car on th way home! My appt with my surgeon is tomorrow so I expect him to refill me but I don't know if I'll tell him about my eating or not, I don't want to disappoint him, as I'm so disappointed in myself at the moment....

With my fill in I was feeling good and in control, I never felt like I was missing out in things, now I'm scared that I've had a taste for my old habits that I'll sabotage my band...I wonder if I'll ever have a 'normal' relationship with food???

What would you do with a free pass???

Hey sweets....I would fess up otherwise you are only lying to yourself. The dr will 'know' because of what the scales will say. I always maintain that it's better out than in!

Chin up...I would have/did do exactly the same thing!

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I was talking to my psych about this last night and how I rarely do it now. She reminded me of the time i bought a box of krispy kreme donuts...I ate 4 in the car and felt so disgusted with myself and embarrassed that I tried to 'hide' the evidence....by eating the rest! I think I managed to eat about 10 and I felt so sick. When she was telling me that story I thought to myself OMG...the things I used to do to myself!

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I was talking to my psych about this last night and how I rarely do it now. She reminded me of the time i bought a box of krispy kreme donuts...I ate 4 in the car and felt so disgusted with myself and embarrassed that I tried to 'hide' the evidence....by eating the rest! I think I managed to eat about 10 and I felt so sick. When she was telling me that story I thought to myself OMG...the things I used to do to myself!

Kazbo, I told him about it, he told me that if I had said I didnt eat anything bad he wouldnt have believed me anyway! Hahaha anywho I have my fills back in and am getting a comfortable amount of restriction so hopefully my head is back on the BAND wagon!

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I am glad I came across this post. I have been banded about 6months and I started off really well lost 20kg in the first 3 months. Then I had a stuck moment and ended up at the hospital. Since then Ive been bad and eating chocolate because it goes down easily I am haveing trouble with alot of foods now. Nearly every time I eat something it hurts...but that said I've been eating way to much and finding it so hard to get back on the wagon! I feel very hopless like Im never going to beat this eating disorder!

finding it really hard Julie

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I have noticed that when I am too tight or I have a bad stuck moment, I reach for the chocolate to make me 'feel better'.

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When I am stressed, the secret eating starts. I was always taught that my brother (2 yrs older) was skinny and needed to be fattened up, while I was fat and needed to be trimmed down. When I look at photos, I looked kinda puffy but not really fat. Just a different build. But... to get around my mother, I would hide food. Nowadays, my husband sometimes has a go at me. You know the sort of thing, "you don't need that". So I hide it from him as well. I know it's me I'm hurting, no one else, but I think I enjoy knowing that I'm getting my own way. How perverse.

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it's a twisted way of thinking, really....oh the mind and what it does.

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It's that bloody fat girl inside my head! She appeared again today.

I'm well and truly back at work, although school doesn't officially start until Monday. Cleaning out the fridges and cupboards in the staffroom, I found a giant packet of sweet chilli chips - probably left over from someone's end of term party. I ripped them open and stuffed an enormous handful into my mouth, just as a couple of cleaners walked in. I stuffed the chips into the freezer, thinking I'd come back retrieve them once the cleaners had gone.

Only problem was the cleaners didn't go! They were on their break. Big think......

I got a plastic supermarket bag and pretended I was cleaning out the fridge. Lots of comments about all the shit the teachers leave behind at the end of term. I grabbed the (now very cold) chips, stuffed them into my bag and retreated to my office to eat them!

To all those bandits who queried low BMI people having surgery, I weigh 75 kilos, wear size 12 jeans (on a good day) and still have major issues with food. Sigh........

Kate.

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After bring 'good' over Easter, I walked into Aldi and they had choc bunnies for 49c!!!! Somehow i came home with 4 of the damn things and stuck them in the fridge. Next day I broke one up and told Hubby to help himself but he was outside working most of the day and there were a pitiful few scraps left in the bowl. I broke another one so it would appear I had hardly any!

Now.............do I buy another one (or four) so I keep up the deception? ..........or just 'fess up and tell him so he will keep an eye on me :(

I do know bunnies have no calories at Easter-but does that change after Easter?? :huh:

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bunnies have no calories when you break them :)

seriosuly, don't replace them, if he asks about them just be honest.

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As hard as it is, don't replace them! That will just make it so much worse for you.

I remember one Christmas (8 or 9 years ago now) where I bought an 18pk of mince pies 'for christmas'. Well, I ended up eating 10 of them during the one day, so I went out and bought 2 more 6-packs, replaced the trays I had eaten in the box, leaving 2 empty spaces becuase I could justify having eaten 2 pies, then hid the remaining pies to eat the next day.

That is one thing I hate about my secret eating habit, the elaborate lies and plans you come up with, just to eat some crap food. And since my parents live in the same neigbourhood, when I'm going thru a KFC drivethru, or coming out of the shops with nothing but a big bag of junkfood, I am so nervous I will bump into them and they will catch me out. It's emotionally draining to be a secret eater!

It is so unhealthy (physically and mentally), and definitely a form of mental illness/disorder.

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I am so ashamed of myself. When my brother died in January I allowed myself a month of wallowing - that included eating like a pre-bandit and not caring because I knew "in February I would stop".

Fast forward and we're halfway through April and I now have a serious issue with chocolate. All the excuses in the world don't change the fact that it's ME putting it in my mouth, because for that small moment, everything's ok, my brother beat cancer and I don't hate my job.

The worst part about it is, my psychologist is trying to help me, but I get two days in, have a rough day at work, and BAM. I'm shovelling a whole block of white lindt in my mouth.

I've sat down and asked my family for help. They have got rid of all the temptation in the house. Now I only have to eliminate it when I'm in public. The urge to pull into a servo and buy some more lindt is ever-present.

I just keep telling myself Kristian's wish for me was to live a life worthy of living and that does not include getting obese again, and suffering complications from my diabetes being controlled by white lindt chocolate.

It's a serious issue. I'm ashamed to say it's stopping me from losing my last 5kg. But I am determined to beat it.

This weekend I'm doing ok - I've only eaten 2 mint slice cookies, and I've been able to refuse chocolate eggs leftover from Easter, even when I found the stash my fiance hid to keep me from finding it...

I did NOT come this far to let some stupid need beat me.

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