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Julesy

I want it to be a secret

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Hi I'm Julesy and my date is 15 Oct. is it weird that apart from my husband and children I'm not telling a soul, not even my mum ? I think my reasons are;, don't want sympathy/pity, dont want stupid comments and an individual kind of person anyway.

So, you guys are the only ones I'm sharing with! Even my husband is not supportive and is not encouraging me ( he's 6 foot 4 and 100kg so has NO understanding of how I feel being obese).

I have told work I am having an op, but not saying what it is ( I'll make something up)!

I'm having a week off work, will it be enough ?

I have also been told my liver function tests were very abnormal and am having a liver biopsy at the same time as banding- anyone else had liver test probs ?

Thank you for listening - hope to chat to my only friends regarding banding

Julesy

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Julesy,

I i understand where your coming from, there are alot of people i am not telling as well. Mine is on the 8th of October. Alot of people have ill informed opinions about the procedure and it is just too much of a stress on us taking on board their comments. Especially i think when we are doing such a scary, exciting and life changing thing. I had to sit down and have a real talk to my husband about it so he could understand as he is also 6'2 and 85kg and eats like he has worms (FYI - he only reached 60 kg by grade 12). So no idea what it does feel like to be over weight, along with being an over weight woman! Which i think is another complete mind fart in itself! BUT i said to him i want to be here with you for along time, but i wont be if i don't do something about my weight. I also pointed out some of the postives it would have for our relationship eg beadroom stuff ;) much more fun when your feeling sexy! My point is though that your not alone...

My doctor said 1 -2 weeks off work

And my liver just came back at 15cm so it was enlarged i have to do optifast...

I hope everything goes well for you, and be confident in yourself, you are doing what is right for you (and your family even if they don't see it yet) and thats the most important thing in the world :)

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Thanks, Debbie. I already don't feel alone.

I'm going to use my husbands lack of support as motivation ( I'll show him)! I have been thinking about doing this for so long and literally cannot wait.

Let's keep in touch Debbie. Thank you

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Hi Julesy,

I was banded February last year and I am STILL keeping my band a secret!! I have told my family and a couple of very close friends.

I have not had any issues going out with friends for meals , I just tell them I am watching what I eat and only order entrees.

Goodluck on your journey. All I can say is the band is an awesome tool and if you follow everything your surgeon says you will get fantastic results.

:)

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Not weird at all, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to, ;)

I have kept it a secret too, I don't want to deal with the negativity. Even after loosing 28kg's and people noticing I still haven't told many people, my husband, children, parents and best friend are the only ones that know.

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I am a secret bandit too, although a few more people know than I originally planned. All within the family though.

You do not have to tell work what sort of op you are having. If you feel the need to say anything, hiatus hernia repair is a good choice. A lot of us have it done at the same time anyway so it's a half truth that will cover the scars and recovery.

I needed two weeks off work. My work in an oncology unit requires you to be on your feet all day and mentally acute at all times. So it does depend on the type of work you do. One may be enough for you if you are sitting and can tackle some mundane tasks say, after lunch when you may be feeling tired.

All the best with your journey.

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Maybe your husband is scared??? Mine was... i found out that he was worried when i lost all my weight that i might not love him anymore becase everyone would want me and i would leave him for someone more attracive etc. ( because in their heads we are the beautifulist things alive you see!).

Also he had some fears i might die whilst being operated on etc. I dunno if your husband is feeling a little worried so he is acting negativly but at least you can be reassured he surely does love you for you. Unless he is a chubby chaser then i am not totally sure how that all goes down (even though i have some suspicions about my hubby ;) )

And yes we will keep in touch!

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It's just such a bugger that people can make us like this! My GP when I went to get my initial referral was very judgemental. Hence I've come to the decision I'm not going to use her any more. I'm very lucky that I have two that I use anyway - one for my physical needs (this one) and another for my emotional needs. I saw my 'other' GP on Thursday and you would not believe the difference in attitude! She was so happy for me - she'd seen the letter from my surgeon on file. She couldn't have been more positive - she's convinced it is the right thing for me, etc etc. I came away wanting to shout it from the streets, but of course I can't.

Like you, my husband knows. That's it in terms of family and I don't plan on telling anyone else in the family at this time. I've told a handful of good friends and a couple of work colleagues only. I am at a point where I want to share it, but by the same token there are people who I just DON'T want to know - bitchy, horrible people in my circle of friends who would be extremely critical. I want to be able to see them when I lose weight and have them be jealous and wonder how I've done it. God knows, they've been bitchy enough to me and about me over the years. It's a silly logic I know but it's a tricky one in my head. Anyway, I've found the forums on here to be fabulous for support so stick with us - I'm sure it will be worth it!

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Thanks ladies, I'm feeling better already!

I definitely wouldn't tell anyone at work, it's such a gossip girl environment. I'll just quietly slim down and say after the " surgery" I had the doctor said I must loose weight so I have to be very careful what I eat - ha ha.

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Someone else on here suggested researching hernia surgery as this can also be a good excuse. My surgeon is well known for repairing hernias while in there so I'm sort of hoping he might find one (I think after two babes and a big weight gain with my second and him being a 10lb bub my belly button is badly herniated - only my thoughts though, nothing official) so that if I say that, I'm not lying. I'm not adverse to using the 'abdominal surgery recently' line if I go out for a meal in terms of asking them to package left overs, and to justify with friends. I also don't have an issue with saying that I've just come to the conclusion that I need to change what I'm eating and exercise more. Again, it won't be a lie. Sure we are using the band as a tool to assist, but most of us are also changing the way we eat and committed to exercise.

Yay, another band buddy! Look forward to more conversations with you Julesy!

Lori (aka jazzyjane)

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Maybe your husband is scared??? Mine was... i found out that he was worried when i lost all my weight that i might not love him anymore becase everyone would want me and i would leave him for someone more attracive etc. ( because in their heads we are the beautifulist things alive you see!).

Also he had some fears i might die whilst being operated on etc.

I think my hubby has these same fears, although in spite of them, he remains my biggest supporter.

I'm also keeping my surgery a secret. I've told my Dad and stepmum, cuz her brother had it done, and they are also very supportive. Besides that its only my hubby i've told and I intend to keep it that way. I've started up a healthy eating plan and excercising more and posting on facebook about these things, I've also mentioned to my partner's family member that i'm going to see a dietician, so as I lose weight, I will maintain that I'm trying to lose weight and eat smaller portions. None of them need to know about the surgery.

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welcome julsy

i am not a secret bander, but i understand peoples choice to do this. and let me tell you that i have had comments from the nastiest to the kindest about my decision to become banded. So you do what ever makes you happy i say do it that way. Me i am a tough ole rag and have dealt with hard things in my life also i have a super supportive hubby. but i agree with Debbie McV8 he might be a bit worried.

but anyway welcome to this forum and i can not rave on about how great the banding buddies have been with many things ......hehehe i think i am replacing my food addiction to this forum :D :D :D but aleast nbo one judges me for my phatass here. Good luck with your journey.

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welcome julsy

i am not a secret bander, but i understand peoples choice to do this. and let me tell you that i have had comments from the nastiest to the kindest about my decision to become banded. So you do what ever makes you happy i say do it that way. Me i am a tough ole rag and have dealt with hard things in my life also i have a super supportive hubby. but i agree with Debbie McV8 he might be a bit worried.

but anyway welcome to this forum and i can not rave on about how great the banding buddies have been with many things ......hehehe i think i am replacing my food addiction to this forum :D :D :D but aleast nbo one judges me for my phatass here. Good luck with your journey.

How did you deal with the nasty comments? What sorts of things did people say to you? I'm on the verge of wanting to share but need to be fully prepared!

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I also am a secret bander have only told my hubby and two daughters. I told work i was having a surgical procedure, that's all they need to know. I also have to see a Dietician as part of my Banding deal, so when I started seeing the Dietician pre op, I also told people at work that I was seeing her to lose weight. I have taken two weeks sick leave, which I backed on to 2 weeks holidays, so still haven't gone back yet. The couple of people I did mention banding to when I was thinking about it were so negative I decided then not to tell anyone.

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How did you deal with the nasty comments? What sorts of things did people say to you? I'm on the verge of wanting to share but need to be fully prepared!

jazzyjane .... in my head i think people are just miss informed about this procedure or have a fear of operations or worse have no idea what it is like to be obese. i had one person say i am just lazy in my choice of food and no amount of sh*t shoved in my gut is going to stop the fat food into my mouth and i might as well cut my arms off while i am at it. i just them looked them straight in the eyes and laughed out loud to this person and said yep you know the answers DR. OZ. and i guess to some degree they are right wrong food choices have got me here.(i pmsl cause my friend is a size 8 and has a huge fear of anything medical not to mention she has no kids and jogs 5ks to relax rolling my eyes). .... Also i have had the comment why cant i just do/continue the shake diets? well we all know if it was that simple ......i was nervous about telling people out loud, but i figure if my friends/family know then when i am out and about no one is going to make a big deal about the amounts of food or the time that it takes to eat post banding.

but most times i just reply that

this is a decision i am making for me, i haven't made it lightly and i have done enough research and i have tried it all and i want the physical discipline that goes with banding. i need to lose weight so i have a healthier life in years to come and it would be great and mean alot to me if you support me. i am not asking for your permission or approval because i am having this done regards of what your personal opinion is, but your support as my friend/ family is all i am asking. ..... then i ask them are there any questions you would like to know?

majority of people are impressed that i am prepared to take such a "radical" step for WL choice. ..... i also went onto U-tube and showed all my kids the animation of the procedure so they could see what it was about exactly. The thing that impressed me the most i put a post on facebook about losing weight on the opti, and seriously was floored that i had 38 comments and about 47 likes..... bloody hell hey i didn't even know that many people ever seen my FB feeds!!!! But i would say 90% of people are just curious and supportive about the whole thing. Also i think if this works for me .... i might just help someone else change their life and their health for their future too. Also too when i feel a little hurt by a comment ... i think to myself that person is uneducated and naive and i just treat them like a naughty kid in my head and love them for being honest with me ...cause i would rather have honest people in my life and sometimes the truth hurts. i am an up front straight up person, what you see is what you get so i think i would of struggled more with the secret choice. so i guess that is how i see fit to deal with it. I hope this helps you to make your choice. and dont think you need to be rushed into telling anyone if your not feeling emotional enough to stand on the fence and yell it out loud. there is enough things to deal with so when you ready to share that is the right time i reckon and bugger the rest of them this is about your life and what you want. xoxoxox.

good luck and your secret is safe with me for as long as you want it to be.

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I'm a secret bandit. Only my husband knows. I struggled with the thought of being a secret bandit and how I would pull it off - surely ppl would notice? But no one has! I have been out for meals and had a few dinner occasions at my house and no one has noticed I eat less. It's been pretty easy so far. I work from home do the work thing wasn't an issue but tell them it's a hernia op. good luck with your journey. I must also add a big congratulations for doing this despite your husbands lack of support, many wouldnt go ahead with it if their husband/wife didn't agree so good for you for taking care of YOU!

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Just wanted to add, my hubby couldn't understand why I wanted the surgery either. He weighs 70kg dripping wet and eats huge meals. In the end he supported me because I wanted it so much, not because he thought I needed it. His support consisted of lack of opposition......

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jazzyjane .... in my head i think people are just miss informed about this procedure or have a fear of operations or worse have no idea what it is like to be obese. i had one person say i am just lazy in my choice of food and no amount of sh*t shoved in my gut is going to stop the fat food into my mouth and i might as well cut my arms off while i am at it. i just them looked them straight in the eyes and laughed out loud to this person and said yep you know the answers DR. OZ. and i guess to some degree they are right wrong food choices have got me here.(i pmsl cause my friend is a size 8 and has a huge fear of anything medical not to mention she has no kids and jogs 5ks to relax rolling my eyes). .... Also i have had the comment why cant i just do/continue the shake diets? well we all know if it was that simple ......i was nervous about telling people out loud, but i figure if my friends/family know then when i am out and about no one is going to make a big deal about the amounts of food or the time that it takes to eat post banding.

but most times i just reply that

this is a decision i am making for me, i haven't made it lightly and i have done enough research and i have tried it all and i want the physical discipline that goes with banding. i need to lose weight so i have a healthier life in years to come and it would be great and mean alot to me if you support me. i am not asking for your permission or approval because i am having this done regards of what your personal opinion is, but your support as my friend/ family is all i am asking. ..... then i ask them are there any questions you would like to know?

majority of people are impressed that i am prepared to take such a "radical" step for WL choice. ..... i also went onto U-tube and showed all my kids the animation of the procedure so they could see what it was about exactly. The thing that impressed me the most i put a post on facebook about losing weight on the opti, and seriously was floored that i had 38 comments and about 47 likes..... bloody hell hey i didn't even know that many people ever seen my FB feeds!!!! But i would say 90% of people are just curious and supportive about the whole thing. Also i think if this works for me .... i might just help someone else change their life and their health for their future too. Also too when i feel a little hurt by a comment ... i think to myself that person is uneducated and naive and i just treat them like a naughty kid in my head and love them for being honest with me ...cause i would rather have honest people in my life and sometimes the truth hurts. i am an up front straight up person, what you see is what you get so i think i would of struggled more with the secret choice. so i guess that is how i see fit to deal with it. I hope this helps you to make your choice. and dont think you need to be rushed into telling anyone if your not feeling emotional enough to stand on the fence and yell it out loud. there is enough things to deal with so when you ready to share that is the right time i reckon and bugger the rest of them this is about your life and what you want. xoxoxox.

good luck and your secret is safe with me for as long as you want it to be.

Thanks heaps for sharing all of that with me. Like you, I'm finding it hard to keep the 'secret' when I've told a couple of people - I sort of want to be able to just talk openly with them about it but know if I do others will ultimately work it out.

I'm probably being silly but there is just one couple in our group of friends that I really don't want to know, but you can't tell the others and say 'but don't tell such and such'.

Like you I'm really proud of the choice I've made, plus it's taken such effort to get my husband on board that I'd like to share it. I also feel that most people are really uninformed about the procedure - I was. It wasn't until a distant friend at work mentioned that she'd had it done, that I actually asked some questions. The other people I'd seen banded have been far from responsible in the way they've dealt with it - still making really bad food choices and stuff, particularly regarding fill so that had really put me off. I'm so pleased that my friend was honest with me and I guess I would like to pass that on in some part.

Thanks again for sharing - good reasons to be public and still undecided!

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I am going to be a secret bandit. A few people @work have already had it done years ago and appear to have relapsed......drinking their food to get more down. I don't want to be grouped in that category too along with the negative comments. I am going to say women's issues at work .....op is 19th Nov. A lady at work has just had a hernia done and I don't want to be grilled by her about my supposed hernia op cos I am bound to slip up.....

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Still secret-my loss is so slow that most people are happy with my story of my "diet" that I don't really have to explain my weight loss. My daughter only found out about it because she wanted to look at my medi alert bracelet (for other medical probs) that I had added "lap band" to. I expected her to be a bit judgmental but instead she told me about this site. :)

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I'm not a secret bander but then I dont have issues with telling people what I think - about anything ! (maybe I'm just rude":0 )

Having said that, I've had negative stupid comments from "close friends" and support from the most surprising places - people I never expected to understand - including one slim, tall, very elegant lady I know and always admired for her style - who let on privately that she had one too!

Apparently for the last 15 years andhad told nobody, not even her husband !

All I can say is welcome to the club, I hope you find all the inspiration & support you need on these pages

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No you are not weird as I am the same and if you want someone to know you will tell them in your own time when you are more at ease to let only certain people to know. As I feel it is no-one else's business than yours and if you want someone to know you will tell them, because some people only looks on this as failure on your behalf for not being able to loose the excess weight, as my husband told his mother and that is the way she is and I still only want certain people to know and who has to be told for medical reasons. I was banded Jan 2011 and still I am cranky will my husband for the responses I still get from her. :rolleyes:

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What is it with husbands and their mothers? I'm sure there are some that respect their wive's wishes, but mine has basically done the same as Lost Puppy's - not in relation to banding but something else major that happened in my life. I've made absolutely certain he knows my wishes about this as I don't want her or his grandmother to know. There may come a time, but it's not yet.

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I've also told my fiance that i'd like to keep it a secret from his (and most of my) family. I've told about 3 people and I want to keep it that way.

I think he respects that for the most part, but i am afraid he will let it slip.

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I am a semi secret bandit...

I am a contractor and the guys at work joke that I only work to take holidays as I try to take a week off every few months for school holidays and the like... So with school holidays last week I have that excuse.

All MY family and friends know and are super supportive... My husbands family will never know, they are a bunch of judgmental people who bitch about everyone in the family, I refuse to give them another topic to add to their gossip. My hubby has already told his mum that we are getting healthy for summer....

If my hubby loses 2kg they are congratulating him and telling him he looks great... Last time I lost 20kgs they didn't say a thing....grrrr I think they do it on purpose......

I digress.....

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