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Julesy

I want it to be a secret

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Im a mostly secret bandit. My family knows a number of friends do as well. I found it hard to keep secret from a lot of ppl who know we me well and especially those i socialise with regularly, given your diet changes dramatically 2 wks pre op and then 4 wks post op. i feel like a liar when ppl ask me hiw ive lost weight but id rather lie than deal with their reactions

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I'm a very secret bander, I haven't told anyone! I was so lucky to meet the most gorgeous woman in hospital though, we were together beforehand and shared a room and bonded really quickly. We are in touch often about our progress, and time our fills so we get to catch up.

I'm very independent though, so although I am VERY grateful to have such a wonderful support person, I would have managed anyway.

I had 1 week off work and it was more than enough for me (mainly desk job).

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Im a mostly secret bandit. My family knows a number of friends do as well. I found it hard to keep secret from a lot of ppl who know we me well and especially those i socialise with regularly, given your diet changes dramatically 2 wks pre op and then 4 wks post op. i feel like a liar when ppl ask me hiw ive lost weight but id rather lie than deal with their reactions

I'm with you on this - I consider myself to be 'secret' but have told a couple of close friends who know it's to be kept secret, and my hubby of course knows. He's the only family member as my brother is a total sports nut and a really healthy eater and is always getting on to me about my food choices as it is already. I strongly suspect he would judge me greatly.

I've thought a lot about what I'm going to tell people about weight loss and changes in my diet, and while I haven't seen a dietician like some of the other people on here so can't use that as motivation/part of my 'story', I also don't have an issue with telling anyone who asks that I've lost weight through changing my eating and exercising. This is a major part of it so I don't consider it to be a lie - it's just that I'm not telling the 'whole' truth!

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Hey All,

I am not a secret bander. Almost everyone from my workplace, friends and family know, and most people have been super supportive. My mother in law started looking into after I had, but she has yet to jump on the "Band"wagon.

The negative comments that I have had, have come from people at my work. One lady insists that if I just count my calories and go to the gym more (I have already started going 3 days a week) that I wouldn't need to do it.

My partner has been really supportive of me, but looked like he was getting really worried, when I asked him about it he straight out asked me "When you get skinny, are going to leave me for someone better?"

I was mortified! I couldn't believe that he would even dream that! But I explained to him that if he loved me and stuck by me when I was fat and depressed and hating myself, then he was the one I wanted next to me when I am feeling better about myself. He's an amazing man, I don't know how I got so lucky!

I have found that people who are dead against WLS, are the ones who are not, or who have never been overweight.

Once you explain to people why it's not the "easy way out" as they love to call it, they usually are more willing to accept. I love to have a good old fashioned debate, so anyone that wants to bring to the table their version of why people shouldn't have WLS, I am always more than willing to have a good conversation about everything. And most of the time they come out of it a lot more knowledgeable. These people haven't done the intense research on this subject that I have, so I enjoy the challenge of changing people's views on it.

I think the best part of all this, for me, is that I haven't seen my parents in about 4-5 years, and when I go and see them at x-mas this year, I will be approx 3 months post op. I think they will be proud, and that will be a wonderful feeling.

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I too am out of the closet about my upcoming surgery. All my close friends know and I figure once I start to lose dramatic amounts of weight, I will just be honest with people about it. I feel like I have been judged my whole life for being so big, may as well continue the judgement with the lap band lol. Although I must say, everyone I know has been super-supportive and proud of me for making the decision :)

I can completely understand you wanting to keep it to yourself though and it is a personal choice :)

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I've told people at work that im having abdominal surgery and a liver biopsy ( which is true ). I have also told them my surgeon told me I am obese and have to loose weight! ( pretty true ).

Once I've had it done I'm going to talk about diets and exercise all the time! There was somebody at work that had it done and had it reversed and people thought she was an idiot so I don't want to be compared.

My loved ones know and that's all that matters

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I like the liver biopsy bit - my mother died in March this year from bowel cancer and it had followed the standard progression to multiple spots on her liver so I could validly use that one - LOL!

Having said that, I'm sure I'll come to tell people once I'm over the initial stages and the weight is coming off successfully (hopefully!!).

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I'm a semi secret bandit! My immediate family know, 2-3 of my best and closest friends (only the ones who I knew would support me and not be jealous or negative) and my partner of course. Everyone is super supportive of me, especially my partner :wub:

My parents were the biggest hurdle, but once I told them "I'm getting this done and I need your support, not your approval" they realised how much I want and need this!

I told work I was having women's surgery haha and just took a week off, no questions asked. And funny, they don't ask why I only eat a boiled egg or 1-2 cruskits for lunch either :rolleyes:

I'm certainly not ever going to tell everyone. There's too much negativity, and that's something I refuse to have in my life.

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I'm a secret bandit too. Colleagues have noticed that I have lost weight. I never told them what my op was for, leaving them to imagine women's problems or whatever. What I did say was that I was rather embarrassed to be told I was obese and had to lose weight to have my operation, and that it had been real wake-up call for me not to take my health for granted. I told them I was now going to try and keep the weight off, and maybe join a gym, to eat better - and go and get a pap smear and a mammogram....that it was time to look after Me!

By the way, women....please do take the time to get a pap smear :) if you haven't had one for a while, and (if you are old enough) a mammogram (o)(o)

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I'm not a secret bandit. I've been very open about the whole thing, and the only negative comment I have had was from a woman I didn't even know. Everyone at work, church, and all of my family and friends have been so supportive. In fact, I was surprised at how supportive some of them have been - I was expecting a bit of resistance, but everyone has just been amazing! The woman who criticised banding in general also told me that as a teacher, I was failing my students because *she* thought teachers don't do a good job. Since she has never even seen me before or walked into my classroom, she knows nothing about what I do for my students. She was obviously no expert on weight loss surgery either, so I ended up dismissing her opinion as a load of manure and not letting her get me down.

That said, I can understand why people wouldn't tell everyone, but I can't keep a secret (unless it's a confidence someone else trusts me with) - if it's my own news, I can't help but share it.

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Yes I've been doing alot of talking about my health and being obese and after "my surgery " I'm going to stay on a diet and join a gym. That way it will look legit.

Far too much of a grapevine at my work and I don't want to be the focus of their discussions thank you.

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only my immediate family and best friend know.. other than that it's pretty easyto kep a secret! If i get stuck I just say I have indigestion really bad and excue myself! :) good luck! best thing I've ever done

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OMG I love this site! I too am a secret bander, I have only told my parents, hubby & best friend, luckily they have been amazingly supportive. When I first told my Mum I said please don't think this is ridiculous but I'm going to see about lap-band & she was so excited for me she cried!

I had my op on 2/10 but work knew I was on Optifast, a few colleagues said "are you on another stupid diet?" so they are used to seeing me trying all sorts of things but no way do I want anyone to know, I def do not want the judgement whether good or bad, it's my business only. I told my boss I have had a really bad virus so haven't been in work for bit over a week, hope to go back later this week.....

My good friend thinks it is great, she is struggling with her weight too, but she only needs to lose about 10kg max, she wishes she cld have it done too so she doesn't have to worry as much about her weight lol

It is awful how rude & judgemental ppl can be when u r overweight & they have no idea how awful u feel! The constant "why don't u go to Jenny Craig/get a pers trainer/have some will power" is so frustrating! The whole thing is we have been there done that with every conceivable diet/pill/plan around & more often than not we can lose some weight, but it just isn't that easy to stick to it for life so we revert back & put it all back on & then some :(

All I can say is I am sooooo happy to have this band on be in my way to a more beautiful, happy, healthy life for good!! Power to us I say secret or not we are all on our way to wonderful future!! Xx :);)

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I've been part of my friends banding journey for the last 2 years, and I can vouch for the fact that most people just are to self involved to notice... That might sound cold, but the truth is that most people are just not that observant. And once you start loosing weight, people will accept that your on a healthier path, and will accept your new earring habits.

I'm 1 month banded and have only told 3 people in my life. I will choose who I share my journey with, and only do so with people who will be supportive.

I had 5 days off work, then went back part time. I work from home so it was easy to work at my own pace. If I had the opportunity (and the leave), I might have had longer off, but when you work for yourself...

Good luck!

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Hi Julesy

I was banded 15/5/2012 and have kept it a secret only telling a select few. I told my family because I didn't know how I would explain the sudden changes and they were supportive. If anyone askes I just say that I have been eating better and less of the bad foods which is not a lie. I also dont get why some people worry about us being skinnier and running off with a new man, I feel like shouting "we are overweight not shallow". lol! But seriously don't worry to much about other people you are doing this for yourself and to become healthier and that is all that matters.

Best of luck

Carla

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I am getting sleeved tomorrow and only hubby and a banded friend know about it. To the rest of the world I'm getting my gallbladder out.

I'm Currently on maternity leave so I will be back at work for the mushy stage and will just eat at my desk.

If anyone does ask I will just say I was inspired by the opti adds on tv, and I had such a hard pregnancy I need to loose weight before we try again.

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I haven't told a single soul in my real life. I intend to keep it that way. I live alone, all of my family is interstate, I don't have any close friends at work and I work out of the office a lot - so I can't imagine I'll have any issue keeping it to myself. By the time any weight starts coming off it will be early next year, if anyone notices I can attribute it to a New Years resolution to get into better shape. I'll tell my boss once I've paid for the surgery that I need some time off for personal medical reasons, and he's not too much of a busy-body so that should be enough.

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I too am a secret bandet only my hubby knows and is very supportive...I have mentioned it to a few friends and they were so critical and told me to just stick to yr diet yeh yeh been there done that over and over ...my op is on the 25th and looking forward to becoming healthier and happier keep in touch ladies...

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I am planning on being a secret bander initially due to the negativity that some people give you. I think we are the same in that my hubby is not supportive either but recently told me I was fat which is crushing for someone who has had issues all my life. Stick to your guns, we will succeed and show them how successful we can be, our health and happiness will benefit too !!!

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Hi all, thought I would give you an update since my surgery.

Still not telling anyone except husband and kids.

Hubby has been really good which makes me think he was either scared or thought it was just another of my weight loss dreams ( there have been heaps).

I had to smile when I was in hospital, he was reading out loud to me all the instructions for the first 4 weeks - I had already read them but didn't tell him !

He's been pretty good since the Op now I'm feeling a bit better- he didn't like the first few days when I felt awful.

He has said some pretty hurtful things about my weight over the years, but sometimes I get so mad at him. The most hurtful thing he ever said was " all fat people are lazy". Bloody hell I work fulltime and have no family in this country and am very independent. That really hurt me but also showed me that people who have NEVER been overweight really do not have a single clue !

All going well so far and I'm really glad I've made the decision to keep it a secret.

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Idid optifast last year and decided that i would be extremely open wth everyone - family, friends, work, facebook - i knew that many people had "interesting" opinions about shake diets so told everyone i had to lose weight because of my back (i had developed very bad sciatica a month or two beforehand) and emphasised that my dr and dietician encouraged it and approved of it, and ended up getting almost all positive comments from people, and was surprised at the level of inspiration i seemed to provide people. Unfortunately i have now put most of the nearly 40kg i lost back on and feel like everyone now judges me and my attempt with optifast. Now that i'm cinsidering the band i don't know whether to tell people or not. If i did i'd be very proactive about it again i think, by allaying peoples fears by giving a reason and a doctors approval i think it helped and showed that i had researched and consulted professionals. I did mention to my best friend the other day that i was researching about banding, her response "that doesn't sound healthy", i shuld mention that my friend had anorexia in her early 20s, and although has had yo-yoing weight since then she has a belief that it doesn't matter how much weight you need ti lose everyone feels the same, something that i totally do not agree with, having to lose 10kg is a lot dofferent to having to lose 50+kg....

Anyway, i live alone and family all lives interstate, best friend also currently lives interstate, so outside of work i would be able to keep a secret, even at work i probably could, even the opti phase people wouldn't say much as i've done opti before, my main issue with secrecy i think will be getting time off work for the surgery, i would probably have to take it as annual leave which means getting approval and probably needing to explain why, i don't have any more personal leave till february then will only have 3weeks till the following feb, and i'm a nurse so will require 2 weeks off post op i believe.....

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Something interesting happened today....

My clinic suggests people do be open about being banded, but respects that if you want to keep it secret then that is fine too. They say it is better to be upfront as trying to hide it and eat 'normally' can lead to you eating the wrong foods/amounts etc. Also that it is misleading for others who are trying to lose weight the usual ways who don't understand why you are doing well but they are not.

Well, I decided to be a secret bandit as far as work and friends goes, only letting family in on the secret. And today I was so glad I did! The bunch of people I work with had a real bitch session today about a (morbidly obese) staff member in another team - because she had sat at a congratulatory food function on Friday eating lots of food, like, to excess. You would not believe the comments they made about her, and her past attempts to lose weight and what they thought she should be doing about it. The thing that got me was that all of them are carrying a lot more kilos than they 'should' be themselves, yet their 'fat-ism' comments were disgusting.

I was so relieved then that I had not told anyone at work about my WLS, because heaven forbid I ever became the topic of their conversation and negative comments!

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its your information share it with who you want...as for work, i will be saying i am having a procedure god help those who ask what it is as i will want to say....mmmm have an unusual discharge trying to address lmao...i figure they wont want detail lol...sorry my sick sence of humur...i had a boss who would want detail and i mean DETAIL lol its none of thier buisness as for telling others the reason i share it with those i feel safe is because everyone has a story and you always hear the negative....or an oppinion....and frankly i have enough to deal with let alone thier opinion/etc

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I have mentioned this before in another post, but in case it's been missed, just something to consider.

I could not have coped without telling my family, friends and work colleagues.

To all the people that have posted, who are about to be banded, I sincerely hope that your journey goes well for you, without any issues or hiccups, because if you should have a severe stuck moment or emergency at work, or while out with friends, etc... they won't know what's going on. They are likely to think you are having a heart attack and will call an ambulance.

It might have to come out eventually. I suppose you can deal with that possibility if and when that time comes.

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Hiya,

I get banded in 6 days and only told hubby 3 weeks ago! I wanted to be sure in my own mind it was the right decision for ME without any external pressure or influence. So I researched and researched some more so when I did let hubby know I could answer all his questions accurately.

I have told people at work I am having a week off for a procedure (womens's problems) and so far nobody has questioned it.

Nobody has noticed the 5kg I have dropped in the past 3 weeks either :wacko: which I was not happy about - though I am still wearing the same clothes which are baggy now.

it is still my intention to tell nobody!

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