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ezerine

sister support (or lack of)

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Hey there

I am one who has three younger slim sisters. Never been overweight, never struggled, one is a dietican. I see them probably every 3 months or so. we are having a family reunion at the moment and i struggled long and hard about what to wear as I had my op 5 weeks ago and have lost 15 kilograms. I have gone down two sizes, from a 26 in pants to a 22 and A 24 IN a top to a 20.

Not one of them commented or stated I was looking nice. Eventually I asked one sister if she could tell and she said I can in your face.

None of them have asked me how it is or how I am coping.

I am so disappointed. Its like they don't want me to change. am I being too sensitive?

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exerine ... you poor darling that must be hard and emotional to live with sisters that dont know what it is like to have a wieght problem.(i have this problem with the inlaw side of the family... and a dietician EEEEK!!!) i guess as humans we all seek praise for our choices. Do they know you have had banding? maybe it could be just that if your anything like me ... you yoyo with weight so maybe they didn't notice it because they just see you as the same sister and i guess in time they will so hang in there .... you are doing great and it wont be long i imagine that you will lavished in compliments. Still very early days so dont be too disheartened. there is still a long yellow brick road ahaed.

Are you keping your own photo gallery?

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thanks hon...they do know I had the surgery but I guess it just isnt as significant for them... its hard. I am keeping a photo diary...

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They may not be doing it intentionally. As much as they love you and want you to be healthy, it is easier for some people for you to remain the big one. Its more about their own insecurities. If you are improving yourself, and they arent, it stirs up feelings of resentment and fear for them, wether they can admit it to themselves or not. My sister will be the same. She is slim at the moment but struggles with her weight since having a child 4 years ago. When i become lighter than her, the jealousy will show itself. Try not to take it to heart to much. It is about them, its not about you.

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I wonder, like the others have pointed out, if part of it is that they don't want you to be slim? They are probably used to the current dynamic of the relationship and perhaps feel a little threatened by your weight loss. Maybe also there is a sense of disapproval for your choice - perhaps internally they feel that you should be able to do it without surgery.

You need to stay positive. You've made a decision to be proud of for yourself, as all of us have on here. While we've all made comments about why they could be not commenting, no one will ever know unless they are actually honest enough to discuss it with you and is that likely to happen?

I know how hard it is when you know you have lost weight and that it is visible but no one comments - so bloody disheartening! I was in that position once and as no one said a word, I became very disillusioned and fell off my very motivated band wagon. I spent a long time examining the situation and what I did and came to the conclusion that this journey is for me, no one else. There are a ton of reasons why people comment or don't comment and I've learned (hopefully) that none of them actually have anything to do with me, but most often have everything to do with them. I'll never know what's going on in their heads so I just have to try to keep myself motivated and on the right track. Hard to do, I know, but well worth it in the end!

Well done for your achievements! I'm sure you look great!

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You have to wonder..I recently went to a Birthday Bash with many friends I had not seen since loosing weight and not one commented..so there you have it..

Cheers

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Why presume the worst about them?

Maybe they didnt know a) whether you wanted to talk about your band and b ) what to say when in fact they couldn't see much if any difference in your appearance. A couple of sizes isn't really noticable to other people, you have to lose A LOT of weight and go down A LOT of sizes before its obvious that there's a difference.

Be proud of yourself and your achievements irrespective of other people. For the most part we're an unobservant lot.

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I understand your disappointment

BUT

Some people don't like to comment - they feel like it's not their place. Just like it's rude to say to people "Have you put on weight?" others may feel it's inappropriate to comment (especially in front of others) about loss and may wait for you to say something. They may have been being careful too as for all they know you may not have lost as much as your were expecting (not the case obviously but they can't see the figures - well done by the way)

Also like someone else said you are still their same sister - your weight doesn't make you any more or less important to them.

Don't take it personally! I'm sure they haven't meant to upset you.

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Ezerine, we are strange creatures. Sometimes we find it hard to see other peoples successes. I am sure your sisters love and support you and in time they will see how hard you have been working at losing weight and getting healthy. Remember the reason you started this journey was for you and no one else. You know what you have had to do to get this far, so be proud of your achievements. This is only the start. Pretty soon they wont be able to not notice the new you. When I first had the band and started losing weight I wanted everyone to notice (and they didnt) and it took me a while to realise some people will never notice as they are so absorbed in their own lives they dont really see what is happening in other peoples. I dont mean that in a negative way, its just thats how they are. I have a group of close friends - one knows I have a band, one has commented about how great I look and have I lost weight and the other eight haven't even noticed. Currently I have lost 19 kilos so you would think it would be pretty obvious. So celebrate your achiements and dont worry about whether other people notice or not.

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