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pennyj

How did you tell people?

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I'm now just over 3 weeks post op and I'm feeling guilty for not telling my dad about my surgery. Has anyone told their close family about the surgery after the fact? How did you do it? I'm afraid my dad will be upset with me that I didn't tell him before the surgery, but i wanted to do this by myself, I didn't want to chance anyone weighing in negatively before I had it done.

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Haha...when my (adult) daughter was telling me how she had managed to lose a few kilos I just lifted my top (two days post-op) and showed her the patches over the incisions and told her I had tackled my weight another way. She did not freak out too much, because she knew I had considered it as a possible option for a few years. Both daughters were a bit cross with me for not saying anything pre-surgery but I pointed out they were both going through a stressful time at work and the last thing they needed was worrying about me having complications with surgery. I told them I would rather they be cross with me for half an hour after finding out than worrying for days about me. I too did not want anyone but my husband knowing because I did not want even well-meaning comments about my big decision.

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I told anybody that would listen to me with exception of the nosey neighbors .. Expect for a few who we have become friends with ...Silly really as they are only people who happen to share the same street as me ..but I was not going to give any excuse for me to be the topic of gossip in our street .. Anyway just go for it and tell your family .. What can they say after the fact anyway :) Hope you find the right time to deliver your news to them and that they are supportive and understanding towards you .. All the best

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Hi, I am trying to be a silent bander, however my daughters are coming home for Christmas and I felt really guilty that I hadnt told them before the event. I rang them each when I got home from hospital and told them. They were puzzled but not offended that I hadnt told them before the event, but I had been talking about it over a couple of years so they werent completely surprised. I told them that they live very busy lives and had a lot of work stress, making time to travel the 1000km to visit for Christmas so I didnt want to worry them about something that was probably going to be pretty routine when they had enough on their plates.

They seemed happy enough about that explanation although they both thought it was unnecessary to have shielded them from the truth. My fatherinlaw is a different kettle of fish and I havent and wont tell him about the banding. He is 87 and although sprightly and pretty withit, would find it hard to get his head around it and he is hopeless with secrets and before long all the rellies would know, which is exactly what I dont want to happen. I see him several times a week and speak to him often on the phone, so I told him I have been in hospital for a couple of days for a Hyetis Hernia operation which was a half truth as I did have that as well. He accepted that and was pretty soon talking about his own Hernia operation in the way that old people do.

My sister is the next worry. I am going to visit her in Arizona 5 weeks post op and she is very switched on. I will still be on soft foods for at least a week after I arrive from Australia. I have told her about the Hyetis Hernia op as it was in my Aesopheogus and I told her I need to be careful what I eat until it is completely healed and could only eat stews and small solt meals. She was fine with that, but I guess when I see her, she might see throught it - time will tell.

I just dont want people constantly looking at me to gauge how much weight I have lost, and making weightloss an issue of conversation. For once in 20 years, I just want to be considered one of the crowd.

I hope some of this is helpful to you. When I get home from the US I will give you an update - Merry Christmas and Good will!!!!!

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I'm now just over 3 weeks post op and I'm feeling guilty for not telling my dad about my surgery. Has anyone told their close family about the surgery after the fact? How did you do it? I'm afraid my dad will be upset with me that I didn't tell him before the surgery, but i wanted to do this by myself, I didn't want to chance anyone weighing in negatively before I had it done.

all my family knew beforehand, but if it were me in your situation i would tell him exactly why you did it, i wanted to do this by myself, I didn't want to chance anyone weighing in negatively before I had it done.

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My mum and dad were the ones who suggested and paid for it... so they were easy ;) I made my mum keep it hush hush within the extended family, simply because I wanted to surprise them! Because they're in NZ and I'm in Melbourne... and I'd decided to come home for my grandma's 90th bday party about five months after I was banded... it was easy :) And fun too, some of their faces were priceless! Of course once they'd seen me I told them how it had all happened. They've been amazingly supportive. And it means there's no need to make excuses for why I eat like a sparrow ;)

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I told everyone and the negative nellies I just laughed at n told them to do the research before they opened their mouths about something they knew nothing about - including my elderly parents and younger sister, who are usually not overly positive about anything!

Because I didn't give them room to argue, I found they mostly just accepted it.

My sister now is even considering it too.

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Some people here at work figured out I did something, others asked and I've told. Still not everyone knows (family or coworkers) but I think they have their suspicions.

I've had nothing but positive comments.

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I tell anyone and if they have a negative reaction then that is their problem not mine. Most people are just curious about what it is and ask a lot of questions. As I've been banded for 14ish years, in the beginning every time I saw a new GP they would always ask a million questions and make me lay down so they can feel my port. Guess it was a novelty back then as they no longer blink when I mention I've had surgery now.  

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I've told everyone and I have had so much support. The only negative comment was from a woman I'd never even met before (I was in the hospital ED three weeks after surgery because I picked up my friend's two-year old and had excruciating pain). I was waiting in the waiting room and another woman askedwhy I was there, so I told her. But she knew nothing about banding surgery so I brushed off the nonsense she had said. Everyone at work, my Facebook friends, real life friends and family have been so supportive. In fact, I've found people to be very interested and curious. The fact that I've been so open means they feel free to ask questions. I don't have to make excuses in the staffroom at work, and the deputy who rosters yard duty has been very good about putting me on all recess duties so that I have enough time at lunch to heat AND eat my meal without shoving it down so fast, it gets stuck.

 

And since my surgery, four other people I know (two at work) have also had WLS. I know one was planning it before my surgery actually happened but the other three decided to do it after seeing how mine had gone.

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I wear a medic alert bracelet and had added lap band to the other medical condition on the back.  My daughter was home from uni and asked about the bracelet and flipped it over and went "You got a lapband!"  I actually expected her to be a bit judgemental but instead told me about Dave our sterling Admin (he's a year behind her) and his weight loss and also pointed me to this site. Other than my GP (very supportive) and Hubby-I haven't told anyone.  My weight loss is so slow that I don't think I would have coped with many calibrating stares from people whose judgments I didn't need.

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I finally told my best friend about my surgery, I'd always intended to, but as she lives interstate I wanted to tell her in person. She was over for Christmas and in a rather drunken state on Christmas night I let it all pour out. She had no idea of my struggles over the past few years, she says she doesn't think I needed it, but could understand my decision given all the pain and depression being this way has given me. It felt good to tell her. But also, she felt like an awful friend because I'd not shared any of this with her before, but that's just me, I'm a very private person. I'm still undecided about telling my dad. I had an awful nightmare where I told him and he was furious with me, probably just my fears manifesting themselves! But at this point in time, I'm happy with just one person knowing. At least know I know I can have some "real life" support if I need it.

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I too thought I would tell very few people.  But anyone that has asked I have found I am more than happy to tell them.  Most people are pleased for me and curious about how the band works.  I have found a few people have advised me on the "dangers" and "failures", but I tell them this was not a decision I rushed into.  That a permanent weight loss was very important to me after many years of losing and gaining weight.  Absolutely worth it  :D  Best wishes

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I told all my family and my friends that I was getting the procedure done. All were supportive which was fantastic.

 

I didnt tell that many people that I work with, but when I came back to work on Friday they all asked me why I had to have an op (i have been telling everyone I cant lift things!) and the people that I am close with at work I grabbed their hands and lightly pressed their fingers on the port site.

 

Pretty much all of them have been supportive and have been really good not coming and asking me if I want to have pizza nights etc...

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Initially I only told (some of) my family and they've all been extremely supportive. Then I told a friend a few days ago and she was horrified and asking if I really thought it was the best thing to do. But then after a bit she also said that I'm her friend and she'd support me whatever I decided. It's made me reluctant to tell anyone else.

Also, I've only been seeing my new boyfriend for a month and had mentioned to him a couple of weeks ago that I had to have a surgery soon and he asked what it was and I brushed it off with, "Oh, just a tummy thing." But then I figured as my surgery is coming up at the end of the month I'd better be straight with him otherwise it's a bit of a deception to try to hide it. I didn't know how to bring it up with him so the other day I mentioned that I'd been given a date for my surgery and he asked when and I told him. Then, when he came over last night I left the hospital paperwork on the table where he'd see it and he asked me exactly what kind of gastric surgery I was having and I told him. He wanted to know why and had a few other questions so we had a bit of a discussion and he was fine with it. This one's a keeper.  :wub: 

I'll probably start casually mentioning it to people once I get very very close to the surgery date. I don't want people, especially my fellow overweight friends, to think I'm losing weight by magic.

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I told my husband and immediate family, and they are all fantastic. Other people not so much. I've found that most people have a lot of misconceptions about how lapbands work, and some think it's "lazy" or it's "the easy way out".  I commented recently to a friend of mine that his recently married friend looked fabulous and slim in her wedding photos - "Oh but she did have a lapband" was his response, as though she hadn't actually done any work to trim down, she'd cheated. I've found that mindset to be pretty common.

 

Some other people I've told have been surprised, saying that I don't need to lose that much weight ( I'm 34 kilos overweight actually) or why don't I just diet better..LOL....Funnily enough, these are from thin people who have never struggled a day in their lives with anything more than a 3-4 kilo weight gain..

 

My mum is a worry - firstly she quoted any known horror lapband stories she;d ever heard, and now she seems almost depressed that she can't feed me like she used to when I'd visit her..BUT she is 75, and I live with my hubby and 2 of my chdn, so luckily I get to make the decisions about what I eat..

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I've just told everybody straight up. im proud of the journey im taking. im doing it to lead a healthier life and be able to see my grandchildren grow up. i've had a couple of comments about it being the "easy" or "lazy way out. i just tell them to read all the info and talk to people who have had it then get back to me!!!lol. Be proud of yourself because its a HUGE life changing choice to make. The people who belittle you are not worth having in your life. Its your life and your body. BE PROUD BANDITS. xx

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I am not one damn bit ashamed-I scream it from the rooftops-for once in my life I am taking control of my weight issues and there is no negative nelly comment holding me back-if any of my friends have any negative commets they sure don;t share them with me and I think if they did I'd kick them to the curb-I don't need negative people in my new life-I find that the most people are just curious and very supportive

 

No way am I hiding the new me and my friends are smiling and laughing with me and I am ashamed of nothing

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Hi pnj, 

 

I didn't tell anyone when I had my surgery. It's just something that I wanted to do for me and really didn't want to have to answer any questions or feel as though I had to justify my decision. My parents live interstate so it was easy to keep from them I just knew if I told them they would worry and my Mum would want to come and stay with me.  

 

About 3 weeks after surgery, I went to stay with them and ended up telling my mum, who couldn't have been more supportive. I'm glad someone knows now but I'm also really glad I was able to make the decision and follow it through without anyone being involved.

 

Good luck!

Bee 

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I haven't had the opp yet and am undecided if I will tell people or not however I don't believe it is going to be easy to keep it a secret. Just from the research I have done on here, I can now spot a lap bander a mile away and my suspicions are always confirmed when I see them nibbling at a meal. I am thinking of taking video footage or photos and doing a blog about my journey so people who say its the easy way out can see the truth.

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when my GP initialy mentioned WLS, i declined, i felt like it was an easy option, however i discussed at length with my parents and found they were wonderfully supportive of the idea, so i rang GP and got a referral.
 

I work in a busy newsagency and have done so for many years as mum and dad owned it. so 50 % of my regular customers know my intentions and i have recieved nothing but support, with many customers following me on my weight loss journey aswell to lose some weight they have wanted to lose :lol: , at times i inspire them, they inspire me, essentially i tell anyone and everyone, for me this makes it harder if i fail, but also gives me an amzing support network to ensure i don't.

 

Many of my regular customers had told me in private they were concerned for my future wellbeing, all very nicely and friendly, and all have now jumped on the bandwagon lending thier support, with low cal recipes, etc etc.
 

i'm a very private person at home, but at work i'm the joker, and sadly as it is must be eye candy, as heaps of little old ladies flirt with me, which is great fun, now i have new bosses as mum and dad have retired, the new boss lady makes sure all the lil old ladies flirt with me, ahh what can i say it brings a smile everyones  faces, all i can say is thank god for cateracts LOL

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