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A deep and meaningful question

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Hi everyone. I was just wondering if anyone has felt or is feeling any "negative" thoughts about their weight loss journey? Has anyone felt anxious, scared etc. about their weight loss and the prospect of being healthy and thin ? No need to get too personal with your replies but I was just wondering if anyone feels that being thin is not going to be all a bed of roses and being at goal weight throws up new challenges.

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When I lost weight the first time I had heaps of confidence but at the same I had a very bad Attitude I didn't care about people's feelings only myself and in the back of my mind I was thinking I am going to have guys lining up for me cause I was "skinny".... Wrong.

It got me down cause I was thinking I am skinny now why aren't guys interested in me?

To this day you can never win

But remember don't change yourself because of your weight yes you might have heaps of confidence when buying clothes. But just be yourself.

Trust me you love the new you. Take time and keep smiling

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The main negative thoughts I have are that I'll end up with ugly saggy skin requiring a tummy tuck that I just can't afford. To be honest ... if I start to get too saggy I'll just stop losing weight. Having said that, I've already lost 25kg on my own and my tummy has shrunk back quite nicely so far. 

My only other negative thought is I'll end up in a relationship with a man who would have found me too repulsive before I lost weight. I don't want to be with a person like this but I'll never know unless I find him before I lose too much weight and he sticks with me throughout.

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Hi everyone. I was just wondering if anyone has felt or is feeling any "negative" thoughts about their weight loss journey? Has anyone felt anxious, scared etc. about their weight loss and the prospect of being healthy and thin ? No need to get too personal with your replies but I was just wondering if anyone feels that being thin is not going to be all a bed of roses and being at goal weight throws up new challenges.

yes! yes I do have occasional negative thoughts

 

Mainly about failing and that I am doomed to be obese no matter what...as for negative thoughts about being thin, my main negative thought is wondering if I can maintain it

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My biggest fear is that as my weight drops and I become more confident and "visible" am I still going to be loved by those who knew "the old me". That's the me that was quiet and reserved and invisible. Who was always looking after everyone else and putting EVERYONE first. I so badly want to be thin and confident but more than anything I want to be loved.

(Told you this was going to be deep LOL)

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I had fears that were more like this:

 

If I succeed, and lose all the weight I've hoped to lose all these years, what excuse do I have if I fail after? If I'm thin, healthy, and still not happy, what then?

 

I read a book called 'Women, Food and God' during my first year of banding where the author addresses this exact thinking: that we all deep down believe that if we could just lose the weight, our lives would be perfect. We would exist in this magical place on earth where everything is exactly how we want it to be. She talks about letting go of this thinking and how hard it can be to accept that losing the weight won't guarantee absolute happiness.

For me, the fear was in succeeding. Yes, I was afraid to fail with the lap band, but I was mostly afraid to succeed, because then more would be expected of me than I thought I was capable of.
 

In some ways, this fear is still present. I feel an intense amount of pressure to release a follow up album that blows everyone away after my first. I feel pressure to get signed because now I'm thin enough to be famous, people are asking "why aren't you?"

But deep down, the pressure is all from me. No one else. And that's a life journey, I think.

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great post. Very interesting and thought provoking. going to have to give this some thought :)

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I was scared shirtless from the thought of dying sooner rather than latter if I didn't have the band installed.

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I was/am scared about how I'll handle attention from men. I've  been invisible ( and celibate!) for years, and I like being on my own.I'm afraid of intimacy, only slightly less than I'm afraid of dying alone in a nursing home.  I'm afraid of turning into one of those people who have it all, and don't understand anything. 

Miss Ruthy

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A lot of my fears were and still are a lot similar to Beth's. The big one being, if and when I lose this weight, what excuses will I have to hide behind? I convinced myself that a lot of the reasons that I haven't done certain things is because of my weight. And I always said to myself "I'll do it when I've lost a few kilos". But at the end of the day, was it really the weight holding me back or was it myself? When I lose the weight, it will still be me. A smaller me, but I'll still have the same emotions, thoughts and fears. And I'm beginning to realise, it's not as simple as just losing weight to banish all the fears and bad thoughts. I have to retrain my mind in a way. Which is why I'm glad my band clinic offers psychologists. And because I've had the band, the sessions are so much cheaper than anywhere else. Deep down, I know it's more than just my weight holding me back from being happy. My fear is that I'll put all this hard work in and still have the same insecurities.

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I dont have fears, dont care if im saggy, Id rather be saggy than fat. But Im nearly 50 and in a stable relationship, so the pressures to look good arnt what they were years ago.

I am begging to become concerned that my partner has began saying things like, " you wont love me any more when you get thin". its only just started about a month ago. I reassure him I will. I hope its ok and he doesnt become more insecure.

Any way will have to jump the hurdels as they arise.

My main motervation for the surgery was pain rediction and improved health. after losing 20 kg thats already begginning.. But I wont lie, I love looking so much better.

A good thing about the band is the gradual loss, It gives us more time to adjust in our minds.

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I'm worried that when I lose weight, get more confidence, start dressing up a bit and maybe do well in other places in my life that people will start talking about my fat years like they were miserable, horrible and worthless. It has been a bit of a roller coaster, but if others equate my happiness or new changes to my weight loss I'm afraid they will think I was unhappy and plain sad all these years. However - this is just a concern, getting healthy is more important right now.

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I've been pondering some of this too recently.  Maybe there's something in the air :)

 

I think I'm most afraid of this not working...which, in my mind anyway, would mean that I'm a complete and utter failure.  But really, from everything I've read, it has to be down to me anyway.  Yes, this is probably a more drastic tool than other forms of weightloss (although I was on Xenical a few years ago, and that was certainly no picnic), but when it comes down to it, I still have to put in the work.

 

I'm afraid because I'm 51, and while I feel an extremely young 51, I also know that I need to do something now before I feel like it's too late.  I don't want to face joint replacements, breathing troubles, high bloodpressure and other ailments as I grow old.  I want to keep finding things that challenge me...physically, mentally and emotionally.  In short, I want to live, not exist.  And I'm most afraid of getting to the point where I just plod along, rather than being the best person I can be.

 

I hate being shackled to these eating habits I have.  I know the lap band won't address some of this, but I am hoping that it will in effect make me take the time I need to eat, rather than wolfing down whatever I feel like.

 

I don't want to look at food as something I'm missing out on.  I want it to be in the background, something I have to do, but doesn't dominate my waking moments.

 

I'm afraid that my views of food won't change.

 

Thanks for posting such an interesting topic!

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like Tasannie, I fear this is not going to work. I fear that people will say, "what a waste" or "you did it all wrong"  I fear that I will have to get rid of the band and get a sleeve which to me will be another failure, then I will fear failing with a sleeve LOL.

 

I don't fear saggy skin or my hubby not wanting me, He married me when I was 115 kilos and has seen me at all manner of different weight.  I'm 53 and I fear that I am so set in my eating patterns that I will slip up.  But on the positive side, I'm losing weight (slowly)  I have dropped a couple of sizes. I feel a lot better and I know I can come in here for support. So I think I have a pretty good chance of things working out

 
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Yes...me too!  Fear of failure, what if my band fails, what if I fail my band, what if my head wins, what if being thin isn't as good as it is made out to be... 

I use to fear the saggy skin, now I realise I can either live with it or get it removed. 

 

My current great fear as a secret bandit is what if something happens when I run and noone knows about my band?  Maybe one day I'll have the confidence to share it but for now I need to keep it to myself and finish the weight loss part of my journey!

 

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yes! yes I do have occasional negative thoughts

 

Mainly about failing and that I am doomed to be obese no matter what...as for negative thoughts about being thin, my main negative thought is wondering if I can maintain it

Kazbo I have the same thoughts too. I have been at the weight I am too many times not been able to maintain and gain. Find it difficult to believe that the weight will keep going down and that I will even reach goal and maintain. bugs me no end .. and then the doubt tampers with the healthy eating ... not good need to start believing so that dont get stuck in this rut!

Be interested to hear if anyone else has same thought - or had same thoughts - and were able to break through rut and get over that negative thinking and push forward to goal! :)

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Yes...me too!  Fear of failure, what if my band fails, what if I fail my band, what if my head wins, what if being thin isn't as good as it is made out to be... 

I use to fear the saggy skin, now I realise I can either live with it or get it removed. 

 

My current great fear as a secret bandit is what if something happens when I run and noone knows about my band?  Maybe one day I'll have the confidence to share it but for now I need to keep it to myself and finish the weight loss part of my journey!

 

Shorty you have done so well and so close to goal. I guess of the band failing / failing the band doesnt go away? I am a secret bandit too and as a result act like I am not accountable if going out for dinner etc. Whereas when people know you tend to make more of an effort. Well I would think. Although don't make more of an effort with hubbie and he obviously knows. 

Great thread BTW ...

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Some wonderful replies too. I could identify with each and everyone of you. I share all your fears and hopes and dreams. Weight loss is certainly more to do with our thoughts and emotions then we care to admit to. I am regularly seeing a great psychologist who understands my apprehension about changing, will make the journey so much easier. Hopefully my friends, family and myself willlove the "new me".

Much love and peace to all of you brave and wonderful bandits. Xxx

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I guess being a young bandit i fear what life will be like with a band long-term. I will have it for many more years than those who undergo banding in their 50s. I know the band has a life span and i often wonder how many times i will have to go back under the knife because of this devision ive made as a 22 year old.

I also fear how people will treat me when i am thin, and fear how i will treat other people. Will i become self righteous thinking my way is the only way and look down at those who i assume arent doing anything about their weight? Will i become one of "them", those judgemental people that dont know anything of thrir struggles before making that call. I fear making friends with people like this who never knew me when i was big and my reactions when they say horrible things about obesity or wls.

I fear that my fiance will become insecure if i receive more attention from other men (even though im never out without him). I am already 7 years younger than him and i feel he already wonders sometimes if i will want to tests the waters so to speak. If i am younger and more attractive and inexperienced with other men, will i want to explore that attention? I cant imagine wanting anybody other than the father of my child but i am a realist, my dad is currently in his 4th marriage so i have no illusions of love always lasting forever. That scares the crap out of me.

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I have a banded friend who made goal weight years ago. like me she has told very few people, quite a number of her family don't know and she doesn't want them to know. Anyway  her fear is an odd one. She fears being in an accident and family coming up to the hospital and seeing Xrays showing her band :unsure:  I tell her that Id be more worried about making it through an accident than people knowing about the band :D

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My fears are of the unknown.  What will I look like when at goal, I think after loosing what I already have I look so different then what I did when I began this weightloss thing, and I still want to loose another 26 kilos, so what will I look like when Im at goal??  I dont have to worry about saggy skin, its there and its awful but its reality, I can't loose as much weight as I have and not have it.

 

I tend to panic as the scales go down.  I worry about what it will be like at 90 then at 80 and then at goal weight will it feel different, I don't really know what its like to be under 100 kilos as its the first time in my adult life to be less then 100 kilos.  So I try to take it as it comes on the scales and not over think about what it will be like smaller, or I tend to worry about the unknown of never being there before and how I will cope.  I also worry about how everyone else feels.  Like is it enough of a loss for this month/week/weigh in with the surgeon???  Are people dissappointed in me.  Which is so silly, because everyone else is happy and excited for me, not pushing me to loose faster/better.  These thoughts and fears come from me not being able to measure up.  In alot of ways I think it was easier for me to dissappoint my family and continue to gain over the years then it has been to have them watch me try to beat this weight battle.  (It will never be over, once at goal the game just changes....maintenance)

 

When I loose what I want and am more of a normal weight, feel more confident and look better.  I will still always be me, no more, no less.  The me on the inside, not the me that my body dictates.  I was me at 160 kilos too, who I am at the core of me, all those things that REALLY make me who I am Family, friends, loyalty, my kids, my home, my love for clothes and pretty things, my joy and zest for life.  All of that wont change, it hasnt so far in loosing 65 kilos.  If anything I am so much more the person who I have always been, just more confident with more energy to show what was inside, the things that my family and friends already loved me for.

 

Loosing weight wont make you happy if your still broken on the inside.  :(

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My main worry is that people will treat me differently because I am no longer fat. In my experience, fat discrimination is real. It makes me angry that more people seem to want know me or find me attractive when I'm slimmer. It just reminds me how superficial we all can be, and how unfair that is to people who do not conform to ever-narrowing norms regarding beauty and success.

I particularly fear that my husband will very obviously find me more attractive and be more interested in sex when I am slimmer. On the one hand, I think being slimmer will make me feel more attractive/sexy etc., and I want him to appreciate that too. But on the other hand, I want him to find me equally attractive and sexy now and at my fattest!! I want him to not be superficial. Which is very unfair, because even I am superficial and care about my partners looks!

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