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Deex

Family and WLS.

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Greetings lovely earthlings,

 

This entry is about lap band and family members. The entry is a little long but I guess what i am really looking for is some advice and clarrification. For those who take the time to read my entry, i thank you in advance and appreciate all comments . :)

 

Here goes. I am a Lap Band newbie, my sister and i decided to look into the procedure as we are both heavy set. My sister is 27 years old and i, myself am 24. Together we decided to go our local GP and inquire about WLS. Our GP weighed us both and i had come in at 132kgs whilst my sister weighed in 115kgs. Before we left, our GP voiced her opinion and told my sister that if she put in a little more effort into dieting and exersising she would be able to drop the weight with out WLS, she then told me that she recommends it for me, with my hormone imbalance, pcos and being over weight since birth, she thought i would be a great candiate for it. So with that we went home and i got stuck straight into my research. I must have spent the entire evening and early next morning looking at risks and benefits associated with lap band. I also looked at transformation photos, networking groups, diets and exercises associated with the procedure. I even watched a few videos on the surgical procedure and possible arm, breast, tummy and thigh lift procedures that might be needed afterward. The following day i had presented my sister with all the information i had gathered, excited to fill her in however she was not at all interested. When i had asked her what she knew about the LP all she said was 'It makes you lose weight fast and easy', i was instantly annoyed at her response. Here she was saying that she wanted to take the journey together, yet knew so little and refused to aquire more information, specially as seeing by day 3 of contemplating WLS i had made my own information folder. I was disheartened because i was excited about doing this together. We could work out together, diet together and motivate each other. But no.

By the end of the week i had called up SIOS and made my first appointment with the Bariatric Coordinator and attended with my mum as moral support. Patricia the BC, commented on how impressive my folder was and was stuned about how much information i had read.  At the end of the appointment i was motivated and excited about what i was about to do. The bravest thing i have ever done and i felt great about it, for the first time ever. My sister the next day had called up the same clinic to book in her consultation. However the night before her appointment her partner and his family together with her discussed that she should hold off on the LP because they are looking to buy a house at the end of the year, so with that in mind she called up and cancelled her appointment. She seemed happy about her decision and liked the idea of joining a PHF and waiting the 12months to cut down the cost.

 

Because i am a student studying to be an Aged Care Nurse and have no private health insurance the fees of the LP would be very costly for me,  i broke down devasted when i found the estimated fee to be at $13,000. However the next day, my mum and dad pulled me aside and told me that they wanted to help me with the cost of the surgery. I refused, countless amounts of times. I have never taken money from parents, ever! and the idea of it gives me anxiety. Finally i accepted their offer under the conditions that i could pay them back, or at least attempt to. They agreed and everyone was happy.. besides ofcourse my sister. 

 

I overhead her telling my mum that i was unworthy of my parents help and that they shouldn't help me with the cost. It's day 3 and she is not talking to me or my parents, at all. I understand that she may feel like one of us is being favorited but it is not the case. Only a few years ago my parents paid $15,000 for a prestigue makeup course and for an engagment party that ended up failing. I find it very hypocritical and hurtful that she doesn't think i deserve to be helped. After all the support i have given her, even in times when it was hard.. i had imagined her returning the favor to me someday. But not today it seems.

 

A few yeasr back i went through something and seeked her support and instead of support she guilted me into a decision i regret still to this day. I love my sister, dearly but I am scared of making the same mistake again. I feel bad as it is and am now talking myself out of the situation because she isn't happy with it. Apart of me wants to ignore her issues with it and go ahead with the procedure but i feel that is selfish. :( I am concerned with how she will manipulate the issue to make me look bad, as she has done this before.

 

My question is; what do i do? My partner, brother and friends says 'not to let anyone rain on my parade and my health comes comes first' and that there isn't any shame in asking for or recieveing help.

 

Does this make me selfish? Or inconsiderate? I pride myself on being a good person with having a clean and kind heart.

 

Again i thank any of you who could sit through that essay.

Have a lovely weekend! <3

 

 

 

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Deex you have to do what is right for you, your health, future & happiness. If you've made a decision they you feel is the best for you, don't let it be derailed by anyone. The fact your parents have lovingly chosen to support your decision both emotionally & financially is a gift. It is also something that no one else has the right to have a say in. My father also supported me financially with my sleeve, his wife wasn't happy but in the end the decision wasn't hers to make. Take this opportunity, see it for the gift that it is & run with it sweetheart. Be proud of yourself for taking control of your life & detach from the negativity, giving it air only feeds it.

Best of luck with your journey x

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Just do it. It is your life to live, not hers.

Let her walk her own path, no matter where that takes her.

I think you already know the answer, but guilt is holding you back. Guilt has never helped anyone.

So.... get on with it and go find yourself some happiness, because your happiness is in no way at her expense.

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I guess she's just jealous, we all know how crap it is to be overweight and she has to weight another 12 months to get the lapband if she still wants it(which sucks).

 

Go ahead with the surgery, it's for you. You want to be happy and believe it will help you so just do it! She will eventually understand, once she gets closer to her date she'll be looking to you for advice.. hopefully. When she comes around to talk to you again maybe try and have a heart to heart and explain that you need this, and that you're parents aren't just throwing money at you because you're a "favourite", you are paying them back.. whether it be some or all.. it's not for free. Try not to say things like "you got money from them for this", you this you that.. it's "I feel .." so she doesn't feel attacked.

 

You'll figure it out. Good luck with it all! I hope she comes around..

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Deex this is a very exciting and very anxious time. From your essay (which wasn't that bad) I'm reading that your parents offered to help you, you didn't ask for it and you want to pay them back. Don't feel guilty about this (any of it). What I think has happened is that your sister went into the doctor feeling positive and came out somewhat deflated because the doctor told her she could do it without WLS (I personally don't know how long she has struggled but at 115kg she seems like a candidate to me), what a downer. In addition to this she has received some pressure (my opinion) from her partner's family to hold off due to cost. In regards to her comments to your mum about you being undeserving maybe she would be feeling better if she was getting helped (even though she has had it in the past) as well. I honestly don't think that she feels negative towards you but rather her circumstances and she is projecting her negative feelings onto you. I believe your sister will come around but it may take time, she knows this is a good thing, she recommended it.

It is really hard when someone close to you seems to be against you. What you need to remember is that this is about you and your health. You need to do what is right for you no matter what negative comments others may say about you, yes it can be hard but you've just got to keep on going.

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Sounds like typical sibling rivalry to me. Deep down you love each other and want each other to be happy, but a bit closer to the surface, you secretly want to do better than them.

My advice is to accept the help with the intention (and action) of paying your parents back, and do what you need for your health. Shes your sister, she'll be pissed off for a while and then get over it when her turn comes.

She is just jealous and probably suffering low self esteem at this time as well so try not to take the hurtful things she says to heart. Instead be sympathetic to her situation, take the moral high ground and offer her your support.

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If the money will sour things and cause animosity, a year isn't too long to wait for PHI. But it's your parents' money, so it's their decision. It's not your sister's decision to make. Good luck, you have a great attitude and I think you'll do well. If you do go ahead with it, you may have to lay down some ground rules so your sister doesn't attempt to sabotage you via feeding or belittling your efforts. Also if you want to be a "secret" bander, like many of us, there might have to be rules for her to not blab about your personal business.

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Thank you to each and every one of you lovely people who have commented on this entry and given me constructive and sound advice. Ultimately, thank you for restoring my confidence and re motivating me. Rlar, you said it best when you said "I honestly don't think that she feels negative towards you but rather her circumstances and she is projecting her negative feelings onto you." It has changed the way i look at the situation.

 

I hope you are all having a great weekend! :)

x

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Sweetie I am old enough to be your Mum. At your age I was consumed by worry about what my siblings thought and felt. At the age of 46 I realise family or friends are either on your team or they are not. Don't worry about your sister. Do this for yourself. You deserve it! I also thought your GP was a little harsh on your sister telling her to just try harder but that is another issue. Goodluck!!

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