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tishtish

Judgement Over Portion Sizes

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Here's what's happening with me .....

 

On a few different occasions, from a few different people, I've had comments made about my dinner portion size. This has been when people have seen my dinner thawing out on the bench in it's not quite full 300ml container. Things like lambs fry or meatballs. Now, keeping in mind as banders we're told to eat only a half cup serve, this is quite a generous meal for me. These meals range from around 300 - 350 calories, so a good portion for me considering most days I stick to my 3 small meals without snacks. I also keep my calories this low because I have a few coffees throughout the day which I need to take into account. So then I find myself feeling like I need to justify to these people my small portion size. I end up explaining to them that I'm eating almost double what's recommended, and then I'm feeling like I'm having to justify why I'm eating almost double what's recommended. Then as they look more and more horrified I tell them that when I have soup, that I have a lot more ... like 2 cups for a meal and then I have to justify my "pigginess" by telling them I can do this because my homemade soups are so low in calories and they're sliders.

The bitch me just wants to say, "I've lost 85kg. I haven't died. I know what I'm doing."

 

The mean bitch in me wants to say, "Shut the fuck up ! I've seen the buckets of food YOU eat. You could do with a few meals of this size yourself."

 

*sigh* Why do I feel like I need to justify my eating to anyone ?? In particular ... to people whose eating habits are so poor.

 

Then it swings the other way and I had a comment last week from someone saying, "I can't believe how much you eat !" Meaning, they think I eat heaps. Seriously ? So, because I'm out to lunch and eat 3/4 of what's on my plate and then have dessert you think I'm eating "SO MUCH" ? Ok ... did they notice how slowly I ate that meal ? Did they notice I had many many pauses waiting for it to pass through my band ? Did they listen when I told them I only ever have dessert for special ? Do they know that I skipped an entire meal that day so that I could enjoy my "huge" lunch ? Were they in my head when I was mentally trying to calculate the calories in that meal ? Did they experience the palpitations I had from the sugar overload in my dessert ? I just wanted to enjoy one delicious lunch out but I couldn't because I had them judging me for eating so much and I had that constant dialogue in my head trying to calculate calories. This from the same person who should know I rarely "overeat". Overeat ??? WT serious F ? I still eat less than a "normal" person even when I'm a little piggy and it's still considered "heaps". From the same person who when I have dinner at her house knows that I don't eat rice or pasta with my meal and when she asks how much bolognese sauce I want I tell her half a cup and then sit there and eat my half cup of dinner, with maybe, heaven forbid, a slice of bread stick and some nuttelex lite whilst everyone around me has so much food on their plates that it's almost dripping off the sides, with slice after slice of bread stick and then they go back for seconds.

 

I can't win ... lol. I eat double what's recommended and I'm anorexic or I eat less than a normal person and I'm a pig. FML.

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It's none of their business TishTish. I wouldn't justify anything. Even normal weight people eat differently. Some eat large volumes of lower calorie food and some eat very small portions of higher calorie food. So the point is, everyone finds whatever works for them.

 

I work in a professional environment where alot of the people are health conscious and workout daily. So I haven't really had anyone comment much on how much I do or don't eat. I did have a few strange looks from people when I mentioned one day that I was having a slice of pizza with salad for dinner. Their reaction was like...only one slice? I'm like, yeah but I have a massive salad with it to fill me up.

 

Whatever people are saying is a reflection on them not you. Even my own reaction to what other people buy in the supermarket changes based on my current diet. When I'm being super healthy for a period of time I feel disgust looking at people buying packaged carb crap in the supermarket. Yet, I occasionally binge and buy half a basket of chocolate, ice-cream whatever crap to binge on in one sitting without thinking much about it. So, I know even from my own reactions to what other people are eating (which I keep to myself) are a reflection on what I am thinking about myself.

 

I also know that it is hard for others that are trying to lose weight to be failing and surrounded by someone who is (at least currently) a success. I had one guy tell me straight out that he felt like a failure because of my success. I didn't take offense, because he was just telling me how he felt and I'm sure he's probably not the only one that feels that way.

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Sounds like some of your friends are jealous, TishTish. Even if they don't have weight problems themselves, I think some people like having a fat friend so they look slimmer and so they appear nicer..."Look how open minded I am, I'm being nice to the fat girl". Maybe your success is threatening to them? Maybe they think you'll steal their husbands? Maybe they're subconsciously trying to sabotage you for whatever reason. It's their problem though, not yours. You obviously know waht you're doing, and it shows. You look great. Eat what you want, and don't justify it to anyone! (Easier said than done, I know.)

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You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

 

Just give them a big hearty, warm smile and say "mind your own business" .

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Quick thread hijack - Call me naive but I wasn't sure many people stuck to the half a cup portion size? I just eat til I'm satisfied... Or my 400ml soup is drunk...

Perhaps I'm just ignorant! Hmmm :ph34r:

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You can't win, don't you know that yet!?  As you say - I think  you have worked out what works for you - don't know why people have to comment!! My other half will comment when I eat "careful!" or "ummm, that mouthful looked a bit big, wasn't it?" or "slowly..." He says he is trying to be helpful, as he knows I am frequently getting stuck (Surgeon thinks I might be a bit tight - gastroscopy tomorrow!) but it is REALLY annoying!!!

Continue to smile sweetly and , as you say, think nasty thoughts! Maybe suggest they worry about their own intake instead of yours!!

But - do remember - you can't win! lol.      :wub:

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Quick thread hijack - Call me naive but I wasn't sure many people stuck to the half a cup portion size? I just eat til I'm satisfied... Or my 400ml soup is drunk...

Perhaps I'm just ignorant! Hmmm :ph34r:

If I may hijack your hijack ... lol

 

I stick to the half cup portion if it's an appropriate amount of calories, but that's rarely the case when you eat healthy food. Think about it, if you did exactly as recommended, that is, 3 x 1/2 cup portions per day, no snacks, no liquid calories, and you eat healthy food ... you'll be lucky to get 600 calories in ... and I'm being generous with that estimate. It's not sustainable and certainly not healthy. Even total meal replacement with shakes etc will get 800 calories in and you're only recommended to do those short term. I think we're told half a cup because they know we'll eat closer to a cup, but if they told us a cup we'd eat closer to a cup and half or even two cups.

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If I may hijack your hijack ... lol

 

I stick to the half cup portion if it's an appropriate amount of calories, but that's rarely the case when you eat healthy food. Think about it, if you did exactly as recommended, that is, 3 x 1/2 cup portions per day, no snacks, no liquid calories, and you eat healthy food ... you'll be lucky to get 600 calories in ... and I'm being generous with that estimate. It's not sustainable and certainly not healthy. Even total meal replacement with shakes etc will get 800 calories in and you're only recommended to do those short term. I think we're told half a cup because they know we'll eat closer to a cup, but if they told us a cup we'd eat closer to a cup and half or even two cups.

hahaha...so true.

I eat way more than half a cup but I only eat about a half cup to cup of high calorie food and then bulk out the rest of the meal with veggies or salad depending on how hungry I am and how much volume my band allows me to eat at the time.

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My experiences with friends and loved ones chatter thus far has been pretty good (or there are those of whom that say nothing at all). My conclusions though, keep coming back to people just don't like change. And boy, have you changed tish! I see others mentioned jealousy and the alike and sure some ppl lash out when jealous, but to me that is just a reaction, not a reason.

 

I didn't use to cope with change well at all and my first reaction was to always jump to raging bitch!  It was the fear talking every time because I no longer knew how to act with something or someone or some place. It is rarely about the target (in this case you tish) and I reckon you know this. Alot of people don't know how to cope with change (or fear it), I'd see it as an opportunity to educate. After all... you are a wonderful role model who clearly knows what she is doing. :)

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Just wait a while and people will stop making comments and almost forget you were once bigger. Then you'll be remembering fondly of these days where, while their may be some negative food comments, I'm sure there's lots of compliments regularly flowing your way. But they all dry up and then you start thinking no one has told me how good I look for ages what is wrong with these people. Lol

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See that part where you say 'the bitch in me wants to say.....'? Do that. People will back down when called on their BS.

Halfy

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I'm not trying to play devils advocate, I don't know your friends, but are they just fascinated? I know it's not polite to be so with someone, but I personally look at you (and others on here) and I'm truly fascinated by you. I barely know you, but I've seen photos. I'm not just being nice, but your change in your weight is utterly mind blowing. You look so ridiculously fantastic. I can't imagine how interesting it would have been for someone who knows you to see it for themselves. I think if I ever met you, I'd just stare a lot with stars in my eyes lol. I'd ask stupid questions without thinking because I'd want to know everything about how you went from being your old fab self to this new fab self with confidence.

...all that said though, remember people are arseholes. Opinions are often based on lack of information rather than the opposite. Jus the other day I was having a raging hypo. The sis in law rang and I said "hang on having hypo need food.." She cut me off and said "did you test?" No... I didn't. "You know you need to test. To be sure and stuff..." It took my remaining energy to not bite her head off "I think after 30 years of this, if I can't spot a hypo then I'm in serious fucking trouble. Thank you" by which point I'd dropped lower and was having trouble even talking to her. If she'd just fucking shut her yapper, I'd have had my drink and be all good. She understands diabetes, but from a text book and her type 2 mum. Everyone knows everything, tish... Everyone!

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I don't mind people being fascinated and asking questions. I'll talk about this stuff for hours on end if people want to listen. I guess it's how they ask. It's the, "OMG ... this is really all you eat ?!?!" As if to imply I'm anorexic. And then I get the, "Seriously ? You're weighing your food ? Isn't that a little obsessive ?" Hello, yes it IS obsessive. That's how I've lost all this weight. Honestly, almost anyone can lose weight but only about 5% of those who do can keep it off and studies have been done that show those 5% of people are obsessive. Obsessive with exercise and eating. I digress. Maybe I'm a little over-sensitive. Maybe I fear regaining weight so much that I've become overly defensive ? Maybe my obsessiveness has or is becoming some sort of eating disorder. But really, if I have a choice between super morbidly don't know how I'm still alive obesity or being obsessive about what I eat ... I know which one I'll choose.

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Yep...I also know I'm never going to be a "normal" eater. So I have to be obsessive about what I do and don't eat and what my daily weight is. It's tiring but the alternative is being morbidly obese again. My sugar addiction is always going to be there. I've noticed since I've started eating fruit for the past few weeks that suddenly I'm craving white chocolate and strawberry combinations. It's trying to trick me into thinking this is more healthy than the milk chocolate and caramel combinations that I have historically binged on. But no, sugar is sugar so my addiction can shut the hell up.

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when someone bitchy asks "is THAT all you are going to eat?" I really want to respond

 

YEP!! this is all anyone is supposed to eat, why don't you try it sometime?

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my philosophy in life is:

 

You can't please everybody so you may as well please yourself

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hahaha...I wouldn't really say that. I'd just give a death stare that only the very brave or very stupid would attempt to raise the topic ever again.

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very few people know I'm banded and the ones who don't know make little comment and just think I'm on a never ending diet as most overweight people are. However the few that know I am banded seem to have forgotten how big I was  cant seem to believe I'm not a size eight already, heading for two years banded now and weight stagnated ages ago, slipped up and down about three kilos over this time. Ive tried only liquids soups etc but after a few days i lose control and stuff myself with higher sugar stuff. I'm find the judgmental looks a bit depressing especially from those friends who have been sleeved about a year and have lost way more than me apparently without even really trying

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It's so frustrating trying to lose weight, I honestly don't think I've done anything else in my life which is harder than losing weight. I put on a few kilos since reaching goal weight and while it sounds like nothing compared to having lots to lose its so hard plus the stress of its a slippery slope to regaining heaps of weight back. I tried very low calories a number of times but within 3-5 days I have a massive binge in response wiping out any weight I made had lost. For the past few weeks I've tried being moderate trying to just keep my calories slightly lower than what I need to maintain and that has been working well with no binges (but also not much stress to trigger a binge either). I've lost a kilo and only have 3 more to go to get back to my goal weight again. No point trying to do it super fast and failing over and over. Now I'm trying the sensible slow path which I'm crossing my fingers will work just take longer.

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I agree, losing weight and even maintaining weight is frustrating...I've never found anything as tedious or challenging. I remember when I finished my Masters degree, I had this feeling of 'Okay, it's done, that's it' but weight loss, unlike other accomplishments, never really has an end. You can't get too comfortable, nor can you get too consumed by it...you can't really say 'Lost all the weight, now I can have all the cake'. 

 

If only I had the metabolism of a hyperactive 8 year old boy, I'd be fine. 

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