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Nessa1977

Asking for advice....

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This is just a little rant.  I've noticed that people will ask for advice and then just disappear without a trace.  It's frustrating as they have taken the time to ask and many of us have taken the time to respond, only to get no follow up.

 

/endrant

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Yes, I've noticed this as well.  

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And those asking "What should I Be Eating"?

Who, apparently, have not bothered to consult with a Bariatric experienced Dietitian.

Who have not bothered, apparently, done some pre-op  - and post-op research.

And then cry "Oh, woe is me!!"

Me  - *gnash teeth* in frustration. 

How many times do us "long-termers" give the same advice over and over , before we get "burnt out", and simply don't have the energy anymore to send heart-felt, empathetic replies any more? 

 

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Can't agree more - and when I read people "cheating" through the stages it makes me mad! I did everything to the letter and I'm now 6 months post sleeve and still haven't eaten!!!! Gah why on earth would you risk the horror I've endured for over 5 months I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

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This community isn't all that helpful anymore. Its not moderated, there is a lot of experience but with that comes judgement and criticism for those asking for help. WLS is so personal, and people starting their journey already face negativity from those around them in the real world. Its easy to forget what its like starting out on this process and the mistakes we made when making the lifestyle changes so the older members who feel like they are constantly repeating themselves and doing it again with frustration and aggression are doing so to someone who hasn't thought of that perspective before. So people don't come back with their failures and success stories, not when there are better support forums out there with people who are sharing their journey. 

Its a shame, because I found it incredibly helpful when I was starting the process but I haven't seen that same level of camaraderie and support in a long time

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Apologies @Jellybelly89 that you feel this way.

I am guilty, then, of being  "a lot of experience but with that comes judgement and criticism for those asking for help."  

And I - *putting my hand up*, am then guilty, then of being an "older members who feel like they are constantly repeating themselves and doing it again with frustration and aggression".

I am not into ego-stroking.  I call it as it is.  And, at the end of the day, folks need to be "Accountable".  Accountable for their own actions and behaviours.  Ego-stroking does not (in the long term) help folks with Narcissist Personalities.  Believe me, no matter  of advice etc. you give these folk, they don't want it.  They believe that they are right, even if they chose to self-destruct.  They also choose to play "The Martyr" and/or "The Victim".

I feel very frustrated with those who chose NOT to research, research, research PRIOR to undertaking a life-changing - and potentionally  - life-threatening operation.  WLS is NOT something that one should take on lightly, such as putting on make-up.   People Can and DO die intra-op.  And there are folk out there who HAVE gone onto have have incredibly disabling and long-term (i.e. for the rest of their lives), despite having being prepared.  Check out @Laptosleeve17 horror story.  And - unfortunately this site has gone under - , on "gastricsleevesupport" posters who have undergone numerous surgeries and interventions, and are now living a "sort-of" life, in and out of hospital, having no functional life, and are having to have fluid feeds directly into their bowel.

There was a guy on that site who was eating potato chips, and a whole Cornetto ice-cream 1 1/2 weeks post-op Gastric Sleeve!  Seriously scary.

So, to reiterate, I feel very frustrated with those who chose NOT to research, research, research PRIOR to undertaking a life-changing - and potentionally  - life-threatening operation.  WLS is NOT something that one should take on lightly, such as putting on make-up.   People Can and DO die intra-op.  And there are folk out there who HAVE gone onto have have incredibly disabling and long-term (i.e. for the rest of their lives), despite having being prepared. 

Why, oh why, then do folk who have had WLS, be then turning around AFTER they have had their life-changing - and potentionally  - life-threatening operation surgery, and asking plaintively "What should I be eating"?  As said, WLS is NOT something that one should take on lightly, such as putting on make-up. 

(Oh, BTW, I also have a background going back now for almost 40 years in professionally working with folk with "Personality Disorders" and with "Mental Health" issues.  Collaboration with their psychoses/ unreality etc is NOT therapeutic for them).

Kind regards. 

 

 

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Re - reality check.

How would you?, As an extremely naive Nursing Student?, at the age of 18?, on a Psychiatric Ward?, Have a perfectionally rational and "therapeutic" conversation  with an in-patient (schizophrenic),  and then respond to his totally unexpected statement "What we need is a Spanish Armada".   ???   (*Note*.  I am no longer 18, I am now 54).

Many years later, I found out that this poor, troubled, schizophrenic individual suicided.  Despite his mother being a well peer-group recognised and respected Psychiatrist.

Just goes to show that there are folk out there with mental health and personality problems.    Such as those on this forum.

So, maybe  ....  it is not in that in the best interests of folks who we do not know in person to get "sucked up into"  their/peripheral folk dramas.  And to collaborate with them, "ego-stroking" them. Supporting them in their "beliefs" and their "delusions", no matter how far from reality that actually is.  This IMHO, certainly, mentally-health wise, is not what is best for them.   And, psychiatrically speaking, for the - both short and long-term - it is better for them to orientate  i.e.  "Time, Place, Person" .   And certainly, IMHO,  not for us individuals. for folks such as these, to let them  "Energy suck" us.  There are certainly "Energy Vampires" out there (I now go back to the late 1980s).  For those "Empaths", you will "get it".  'Energy Vampires '  DO and WILL suck you and your energy in). 

A good mantra -  "Not my circus, not my monkey".

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Except that you assume everyone asking questions you don't approve of is asking permission to relapse into old behavior and do the wrong thing. When really, a lot of the time its just for advice or encouragement to stick to the new way we're meant to live by. Some continue to do the wrong thing, that's their choice but its not everyone. The forum was meant to be a place for people do their research, get some opinions, advice and understand others experiences when making their own decisions about their body - be their choice wrong or right. No one comes here to be told to do their own research when they're asking a question... which is them trying to gain information.

It was meant to be a place of support - reality yes - but with kindness. Instead there is judgement, shaming and rudeness which has killed atmosphere it used to have, and with it the regular members with experience returning and new members looking for help sticking around through their journey.

But with that I've said my piece on why I believe people don't return. They don't feel welcome to

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Except that you assume everyone asking questions you don't approve of is asking permission to relapse into old behavior and do the wrong thing. When really, a lot of the time its just for advice or encouragement to stick to the new way we're meant to live by. Some continue to do the wrong thing, that's their choice but its not everyone. The forum was meant to be a place for people do their research, get some opinions, advice and understand others experiences when making their own decisions about their body - be their choice wrong or right. No one comes here to be told to do their own research when they're asking a question... which is them trying to gain information.

It was meant to be a place of support - reality yes - but with kindness. Instead there is judgement, shaming and rudeness which has killed atmosphere it used to have, and with it the regular members with experience returning and new members looking for help sticking around through their journey.

But with that I've said my piece on why I believe people don't return. They don't feel welcome to

I totally agree, I think we all know that everyone's journey is different but sometimes it's easy to forget. And people have quite varied success or experiences with WLS. Generally the "golden rules" and standard advice will apply to most people/circumstances but sometimes it can still be a real struggle even when you're doing your best to do the right things. Even  something like being in denial or falling back into bad "head habits" around the food or food behaviours, that is a big part of the struggle for a lot of people and just because you've had WLS, it's not automatically easier to do the right things, it's still hard work and yes people should make the effort if they've made the commitment of having WLS but in reality there are a myriad of other factors that go into the mix, and people should feel free to share their experience no matter where they're at, without judgement. For most people who've had WLS, if they didn't struggle with things like denial or negative thoughts/behaviours around food they wouldn't have become overweight in the first place and turned to the surgery in desperation after years or decades of trying and failing, and that can become exhausting or overwhelming for some people. Some see success right away, others take years to work themselves into the headspace where they're ready to make real and lifelong changes. Everyone's journey is different and so is their experience with the surgery and how it affects them.

I think it's hard with the forum where so many questions get asked over and over when there are answers to those questions back in earlier threads, but I suppose the downside with going through older threads is a lot of the time the members who wrote in those threads aren't around anymore so you can reply to an old thread but those members won't ever come back on to read and respond, so people would rather start a new thread. Overall I think there is a lot of appreciation towards long-term members who have had success and still come on the forums to provide advice and support to newer members, I can understand how that would get draining after a while..

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