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Nessa1977

Turning 40 and I don't want a party

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Am I normal?  My last proper party, with friends, was when I turned 13.  The rest of the milestones (16, 18 and 21) were just family events.

TBH, I don't like being the "centre of attention" in these kind of situations.

Whilst my sister is planning just a family dinner with all the family (about 25 in total) at Little Creatures brewery, I don't want it.  She thinks it because I'm turning 40.  It's not, I just don't want to do anything.

My friend from my sleeve group on FB organised a dinner.....then cancelled as she found out she had to work that day.  I was kinda bummed that even without her, someone else didn't take over the arrangements.

What's wrong with me?  Everyone is expecting me to do something, yet I don't want to.

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I didnt want to do anything for my 40th OR my recent 50th. Its not my scene. I'm very much a person who has a few valued friends but am not one for a million acquaintances. People seem to feel comfortable inviting everyone they know to a party I'm eaten up by anxiety - will they think its weird that I ask them, will people not turn up etc.  We also had an experience where we built a new home in Melbourne's outer south east 24 years ago while the rest of our group (at 20ish) got help from their parents to buy in much more prestigious suburbs. Our friendships sort of fell apart because people just couldnt be stuffed driving out to where we lived - it was really hurtful and they werent the people we thought they were.  I still have hang ups about that and dont invite people to my perfectly nice perfectly ordinary house in a perfectly normal suburb because everyone else I see to associate with in any social or work capacity seems to have a $2 million property in the inner suburbs. Including my own family.  So nope, definitely no party here!

At 50 (two months ago) well, the last seven years since I had rectal cancer have been shit pardon the pun. Its been one long, challenging decade for me in many many ways and I really would rather slam the door on my 40's. I spent a quite evening with my immediate family and parents.

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Not odd at all. i never had a 16, 18, 21, just family things i have 30 coming up and dont really want anything. 

Do you, if you want to possibly do a dinner do dinner another day with your friend, it doesn't have to be on your birthday for it to be for your birthday. 

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I hate parties-of any description.  I'd rather just book a trip somewhere and enjoy myself.  I don't care about my age (although my weight gives me grief at times!) and the last one that was organised by someone for me (even after telling them I don't party) I was already booked to go away!

So no, definitely not weird -or perhaps we all are ;)

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My cousin keeps suggesting that I should have a party and that many people don't make it to 40 etc.  I know that part is true.  I had a friend recently diagnosed with a possible breast cancer (just turned 40) and in my line of work, I come across a lot of things and one that has stuck with me is a 36 year old woman who is now in palliative care due to cancer.  She had a baby in February this year.

I know shit happens and everything, but I'm not one for celebrating with the focus being on me.  Whilst it's technically not a party (at this stage Saturday dinner or Sunday lunch), as it'll just be family, I just feel awkward.

I guess I should just suck it up.

And the plan was to go somewhere, initially it was Canada but my cousin says shit weather at that time of year (heading into winter) and that puts a limit onto sightseeing etc.

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Ugh people just don't get it that I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING!  Now it's a family lunch next Sunday (approx 30 people).

Then my work colleagues suggested that we catch up for dinner on Thursday night to "celebrate" and then happens to come up in conversation with the rest of the office that it's my birthday and so it's dinner Friday at somewhere not of my choosing.  They're all local and know the area more, I'm the out of towner.

I'd just prefer to stay at home and do nothing.

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Aargh! and double Aargh!!  I'm old enough to put my foot down and am probably the epitome of grumpy old lady.  Maybe you could 'suddenly' get a hot date and suggest a quick drink after work instead of dinner?  Naturally because this is new and sudden, there is no way you could bring him along to the dinner party. :)

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I am so sorry @Nessa1977  for you that folks disregarded what you wanted, and went ahead and did what they thought best.

I am sure that they have done it with the best of intentions, wanting to show you that they care about you, and wanting to celebrate your life event.  I am guessing that maybe, also, they felt that in the future you might regret not celebrating your milestone birthday.

I was hurt that neither my brother nor my sister acknowledged my 30th birthday, and my sister did not acknowledge my 40th.  (I do not have family over here, so don't get to any family occasions.  The last time we all got together was for my mother's 80th birthday, and that was 6 years ago.  My Dad is no longer alive). 

Regardless, I hope that you do enjoy both events,   And that you get to Canada when the season is better for being touristy! 

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And that you get to Canada when the season is better for being touristy! 

I did.................in June :D

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Just an update, I ended up having a wonderful day spent with all the family at lunch....but I still didn't like the "spotlight" on me, if you know what I mean.

Had a morning tea for the November birthday's at work today then going out to dinner with my coworkers tomorrow night, which I did not want but I can't exactly say no, can I?  Oh well, after tomorrow night, it's all over and done with until my 50th.....then we start all over again.

There could possibly be another cake on Monday at my other work, as they found out late this Monday just gone that it was my birthday.

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I am pleased for you - and your family - that you enjoyed your birthday lunch. They wanted to celebrate you, with you.

All the best for the other events! 

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