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Em85

Need a reset but find it mentally hard.

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Hey everyone. 

I was banded in September 2013 with a starting weight of 160kg. By 2015 I was at my goal of 80kg but then life got in the way. In 2016 my husband got extremely jealous of everyone I talked to which resulted in him kicking me out of the house, leaving our 2 children with him and him refusing to let me see them most of the time. Fast forward 2 years and a custody court case later I have gained 20 kg.

Every time I go back to my dr to get a fill I end up not being able to tolerate fluids at all and end up getting the fill taken out 2 weeks later just so I can eat again. I feel so disappointed and disgusted in myself for allowing  such a massive weight gain after getting down to my goal. Now I'm  struggling to lose that 20kg . I need to and want to be back at my goal. I was happy then. Gaining weight is starting to take a toll on me mentally. I'm always making and thinking negative comments about myself which just puts me in a downward spiral and makes me want to eat everything in sight that's bad for me. I need a reset but dont know if I can mentally do it. 

So at 101kg I've gone back and gotten more fill put in (dont know what size band I have or how much fill I have in but I'm very restricted atm) and am struggling to eat 1 x half cup meal a day and really struggling to keep up with fluids so I dont get dehydrated . I can already feel a dehydration headache coming on. But I have to stick to it. It's hard but I think I'm going to have to go on the pre op optifast diet to reset my system and start over get back on track. The hardest thing is  knowing that I have to cook and prepare meals for my kids knowing that I wont be able to eat any of it .

I have a new partner now but I dont think he fully understands how mentally hard it is to be obese. Even once i lost  the weight in my mind I still thought of myself as fat and disgusting.  He doesnt like that I've gone and gotten fill put in. He sees it as torturing myself that we should just eat right and exercise more. For me it's not that simple. I can eat right, live on salads and still gain weight. Once I can eat I mentally have no self control, if I'm bored = eat, upset = eat, happy = eat. I cant win. For him it's easy to lose weight, it's not fair. 

We keep saying to ourselves that we will join the gym or walk more. But we never do. I'm time poor. If I'm not at work I'm looking after my kids. Reality is that the only time I'm going to be able to do either of those things is at 4 or 5 am when the kids are still asleep and being a single mum I cant leave them at home by themselves whole I got to the gum to work out. So what do I do ?

Please help. Any advice would be appreciated 

Em85

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Can only send you kind hugs, sorry.

But - you should be proud of yourself, you started at 160 kg! So well dne with what you have achieved.

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One thing I can say from unfortunate experience is that you must not tolerate an overtight band thinking it will magically come right. You can do a lot of damage to your body and cause the band to slip. I know how hard it is and how much you want that restriction back, but I yoyod like this for years - ignoring that I had a pouch, until my band slipped and had to come out. And over all that time, I never lost weight, in fact I continued to slowly gain. I wasnt overweight, but I wasnt right down at the bottom end of my range which is what I wanted.  I've been lucky to have been sleeved a month back, but the operation was huge - there was an enormous amount of repair to be done to my oesophageal sphincter and fixing a hiatus hernia, both of which i'd contributed to or even caused by refusing to take fluid out of my band for fear of weight gain. Not to mention all the scar tissue.

Its also very common to get weight rebound after you hit your lowest weight - with all the bariatric surgeries.  Your body adapts, you learn to fit food in etc. There's no way around it, you cannot totally rely on your tool to restrict your intake, some of it has to be that old blood sweat and tears that ordinary dieting takes.

As to exercise, you know, I watched a very interesting program a year or two back that always stuck with me. I enjoy exercise and when I was banded 12 years ago I wasnt working and had all the time in the world to run and go to the gym etc. But I"m time poor now!  I watched this show where they compared couples and the energy they burned. One couple went to bootcamp, one to the gym and the other did a hard morning's house cleaning.  The cleaning couple burned almost DOUBLE the other two who did their hard exercise and then kind of relaxed for teh rest of the morning. Dont understimate that slow, steady movement and you can kill two birds with one stone. Take your kids out for a walk - I used to run with my kids on bikes, or if they're younger, to the park and kick a ball with them, or put them in the pram.  Get them to run around helping with housework - and do hard stuff like cleaning windows etc.  I have to do that now, as I work full time and want to keep the house in good shape - so I get on my workout clothes and I clean - windows, outside sweeping, I have this stupid laminate floor that looks streaky unless I dry it with towels, mow the lawns - I try to really WORK for an hour, and hour and a half and I get out and walk the dog. That's a big comedown from running 8kms a day and doing Body Pump but to be honest, I'm not any less fit and in fact I'm functionally better as my movements are real ones, not single muscle type of stuff.  

I truly believe that constant activity is more valuable than half an hour of exercise!

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On 1/14/2019 at 12:09 PM, Em85 said:

Hey everyone. 

I was banded in September 2013 with a starting weight of 160kg. By 2015 I was at my goal of 80kg but then life got in the way. In 2016 my husband got extremely jealous of everyone I talked to which resulted in him kicking me out of the house, leaving our 2 children with him and him refusing to let me see them most of the time. Fast forward 2 years and a custody court case later I have gained 20 kg.

Every time I go back to my dr to get a fill I end up not being able to tolerate fluids at all and end up getting the fill taken out 2 weeks later just so I can eat again. I feel so disappointed and disgusted in myself for allowing  such a massive weight gain after getting down to my goal. Now I'm  struggling to lose that 20kg . I need to and want to be back at my goal. I was happy then. Gaining weight is starting to take a toll on me mentally. I'm always making and thinking negative comments about myself which just puts me in a downward spiral and makes me want to eat everything in sight that's bad for me. I need a reset but dont know if I can mentally do it. 

So at 101kg I've gone back and gotten more fill put in (dont know what size band I have or how much fill I have in but I'm very restricted atm) and am struggling to eat 1 x half cup meal a day and really struggling to keep up with fluids so I dont get dehydrated . I can already feel a dehydration headache coming on. But I have to stick to it. It's hard but I think I'm going to have to go on the pre op optifast diet to reset my system and start over get back on track. The hardest thing is  knowing that I have to cook and prepare meals for my kids knowing that I wont be able to eat any of it .

I have a new partner now but I dont think he fully understands how mentally hard it is to be obese. Even once i lost  the weight in my mind I still thought of myself as fat and disgusting.  He doesnt like that I've gone and gotten fill put in. He sees it as torturing myself that we should just eat right and exercise more. For me it's not that simple. I can eat right, live on salads and still gain weight. Once I can eat I mentally have no self control, if I'm bored = eat, upset = eat, happy = eat. I cant win. For him it's easy to lose weight, it's not fair. 

We keep saying to ourselves that we will join the gym or walk more. But we never do. I'm time poor. If I'm not at work I'm looking after my kids. Reality is that the only time I'm going to be able to do either of those things is at 4 or 5 am when the kids are still asleep and being a single mum I cant leave them at home by themselves whole I got to the gum to work out. So what do I do ?

Please help. Any advice would be appreciated 

Em85

Be proud of the achievement of 80kgs lost that's a full human being. Take pride in every little victory and be happy your only 100kgs not 160kgs there's a huge difference there of 60kgs which is also a full grown woman. 

Do what I did years ago I bought myself a stationery exercise bike for the house you can sit on it anytime day or night even while watching your favourite TV shows!

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