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missruthy

Discrimination

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OK Time for me to vent,

I have this belief that most people are resistant to change. So, whenever someone 'fat' does something about it, it can generate confusion, hatred and jealousy. We humans are creatures of habit. Despite pretending to like new stuff most of us don't actually like stuff to change too much.

I say this, in a frustrated attempt to understand why people react the way they do, if you even MENTION thinking about a lap band.

And here's another thing.

I believe fat discrimination exists. I know that I am treated differently in shops if I'm fat, than if I've lost weight. I know this because at one time I was ' normal', and shop assistants actually spoke to me.

Now that I'm 'fat', they ignore me. Completely. One guy I was trying to buy a bed off, actually said to me ' Well, you're kind of a larger lady...heh,heh,heh....' Apparently my enormous size affects what sort of a bed I need ?!?!?!? Why is it ok to mention someone's size as if they need reminding? Or as if it has anything to do with anything? As far as I know I'm not carrying fat dollars, a currency devalued in this country. My dollar is the same as the skinny blonde chick with the fake nails.

We live in a world that has sucessfully made it illegal to discriminate against people based on their race, their religion, their ethnicity, and their sexual orientation.

Yet fat people ( men and women ) are made to feel like 2nd class citizens every day, by someone they know, or some half-educated bogan in a shop. I'm over it. These shops should just put up a sign that tells you what sort of people they will serve. That way they'd be being honest, and my fat dollar would just go somewhere else.

Miss Ruthy

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Hi,

There is also the discrimination within the work place. People at work treat me so differently now I have lost 30kgs. I don't do things any differently, so what gives?

Donna

PS: Good point

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One guy I was trying to buy a bed off, actually said to me ' Well, you're kind of a larger lady...heh,heh,heh....' Apparently my enormous size affects what sort of a bed I need ?!?!?!?

Yep, it most certainly does affect the sort of bed you need. It must be hard for him to approach the matter without causing offence, but would you rather he said nothing and you have to come back 18mths later because the springs and foam on the bed you chose were designed for 'average' and have now collapsed?

I think if our size and weight make a difference to something then there's no point being in denial. I have to own up to the fact that I take up more room on a 2 person bus seat than most people do. Or that I can make a trip less comfortable for someone who sits beside me on an airline. Or that I need to consider my weight when buying a bed or a lounge suite.

And yes, I wish shops WOULD put up signs specifying what size clothes they sell, that would be very handy.

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yep, it's socially acceptable to 'kick the fat chick' but it's not okay to be racist, sexist, homophobic or anything else 'ist'. I'm a collector of fine perfume. I have lots of fucking perfume. it's my indulgence. If I go to Myer or DJ's the perfume ladies ignore me to the point where you'd think I was invisible. I've taken my business online now. I wish it was a 'Pretty Woman' scenario in that they got commission because then I could go back after picking up a couple of bottles and do the 'nar nar nar' dance.

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Actually its not OK, it has never been OK to discriminate against people who are fat or obese certainly in Australia.

The problem is very of us can or will do anything about it.

The place to take your complaint is the Human Rights Commission under the Disability Discrimination Act.

Only action can get people to change.

Perhaps if we did make complaints then it would no longer be socially acceptable!

S

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I agree... At age 20 I was a size 16 smaller than I am now and had just completed my real estate diploma and attempted to get into real estate. One interview I went for told me I would not fit in cause of ,y size apparently people like buying houses of young skinny people not young fat people. I was shuttered and chose a compete different career path that being disabilities where no one discriminates.. That's the clients staff stil do....

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All types of people get discriminated against not just fat people.

I have walked into a shop in trackies and thongs and got ignored walked in the next day dressed up and got served immediately.

I've seen adults get served in front of children, even though the children have been waiting longer.

Women served before men or vice versa depending on the type of shop.

Even in Vietnam I went into some shops with some families from the 'farming' areas and we were shooed out of their shop or ignored. Our translater said it was because they were from the poor areas and the shopkeeper would have presumed they had no money..... little did they realise I was the one doing the buying for them.

Right or wrong it is just part of life there are always those that think they are better than others and those that are ignored because they are disadvantage in some way.

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There was an article about this in the Age a day or so ago - the different kinds of fat discimination - direct/overt, sly and something else.

It is pretty horrible. I remember many years ago when i was maybe a size 16 and quite ok looking I think when a guy i liked told me in a kindly tone "if i lost the glasses and 20 kilos I'd be quite a stunner". Um supposed to be glad of that compliment was I? Now I have glasses still (can not tolerate contacts,) have a noticeble limp (bad R.A.) and am 107 kilos - but cos this is an improvement on recent years I feel good, get compliments, do Zumba and gym and happy. As I have aged I am more appreciative of things and kinder to myself - plus have a lovely partner and child. But sheesh!

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Reminds me of my sister who is 10 years older than me (61) and around the same size but a lot shorter than me.

She went for a job recently and really didn't want it and didn't think she would get it, Her hair had all her grey roots showing quite a lot and her teeth are badly stained. The job was with a dentist.

Interview carried out then the dentist told her she had the job BUT they would need to give her a makeover first :lol:

She had to come to Perth the next week for training and get her hair done, the Dentist did her teeth and they got her a uniform all at the Dentists expense!

I have never been discriminated against when going for a job, have got barmaiding jobs, retail jobs, carer jobs, office jobs all while being a 22 -26

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'Human Rights Commission' is all well and good in theory except that so much discrimination is 'subtle' if you catch my drift. Fat discrimination rarely comes in the form of a direct comment or an inappropriate touch; discrimination against fat people is done via dirty looks, exclusion, jokes, the subtle glance at your meal tray in the food court, the creation of the notion of 'other' 'alien' 'obscene' with respect to obesity.

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I can't believe I didn't think of this as discrimination until now...

When I was a teenager, I went off for my first ever job interview at Dairy Bell (an ice cream shop) in Footscray. I'd been recommended by a family friend who worked there, as they were "desperate" for staff. I had a phone interview with the manager before I went in for the interview. I remember sitting at the tiny white metal table with 4 other very nervous looking girls. I tried so hard to be the chatty, bubbly girl I'd been in the phone interview, and it actually seemed to be going really well. The other girls were really quiet and didn't really engage in the conversation that the manager was clearly aiming for. After about half an hour, I left the shop, got in the car with my mum and was so convinced I'd gotten the job.

Anyway, the next day, the manager called and told my mum that I hadn't gotten the job. Her reason? I wasn't friendly enough.

The real reason? She told the family friend who'd recommended me that I was bad advertising for the shop. How could a fat girl sell ice cream?? And to make matters worse, not only did they hire the other girls, a friend of mine was put on without even going through the interview process. She's tiny.

I remember at the time (this is about 15 years ago) going deeper into the depression that had been threatening me for years. I just can't believe that everyone sat back and let this happen to me. I wasn't even 15 years old. Even more, I can't believe that I didn't realise that she couldn't not hire me because of my size.

But the suckiest part?? When I was going for that interview, I was in a size 16. Tiny by my current standards. :(

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I was approached by a shop assistant when i walked into a clothes boutique and advised "we do not sell clothes suitable for your...stature..."

I had a bloke walk up to me once and say "if you weren't so fat, I'd ask you out on a date" I was mortified and insulted...I responded "and if you weren't such a wanker I might have said yes"

Yes, I have the stares at my food tray/plate. Even when enjoying something healthy like a salad and a diet coke - "well obviously THAT isn't doing anything for YOU"

I hated doing the grocery shopping when I got paid monthly as I'd buy a month's worth of groceries. the number of people who would stop and check out my trolleys (I usually needed 2) and comment about it - WTF?!

I'm sure I missed out on jobs due to my weight, passed over for someone younger/prettier/slimmer/whatever. I don't have a chip on my shoulder about it, I just try not to do the same when I see overweight and obese people I mentally start to pity and want to tell them all about my banding.

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Gosh it's a massive issue - I have had complete strangers abuse me on the street, males make comments when I have been out at a club ( younger days) , people ignore me when I have asked for help, shop assistants stare at me and walk off , I went into a bra shop to get the girls fitted after I finished nursing my daughter and was ignored so I walked out and to top it off I went to buy a car an expensive car and was told where to go and someone would come out and talk to me - they never came so I went to another store with the same model car and bought and told them what happened and they filed a report - I felt like driving my new shiny car and telling them to suck a big fat egg tongue.gif

I tell you I have noticed a massive difference in how I am treated not by those around me but those who don't know me - I am pounced on in stores, I have men open doors for me and have had randoms try and chat me up - it's sad that people are judged based on appearance - I know many a good looking person and they are ugly to the bone.

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The sad thing s we live in a judgementsl world and weight is up there as the most judged thing!

I once went out clubbing with my sister and her friends. My sister introduced me as Tamara not her sister and later in the night I heard one of her skinny mini cow friends ask where she met the fatty and why was she here and them not told prior. App my sister should of given them notic she was bringing along a whale? I was hurt but more hurt by my sister who said I dont know and left the conversation at that. When I spoke to her she told me maybe I should do something about my weight if I don't want people saying mean stuff wow.....

Even family judge is what I learnt for that expirence

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Thinking about it I would have to say I experienced more discrimination and abuse when I was skinny in my teenage days, a sad time for me, which is maybe why I have clung onto my fat for so long as it felt more comfortable and has been a happier time for me.

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Well lets just say that these days you don't get told to your face "oh you didnt get the job coz ure fat"! they will always make up another reason, and to the peole who are saying they never had discrimination against them, well that's probably coz u don't know! These days employers or anybody else are too scared of getting dragged to court for telling the truth to your face! And I'm sorry if I sound rude, but a fat person its usually calssified as unfit for most jobs and employers don't want to hire people that they think won't bring much profit.

Thats just how to world works today and we have to live in it, so lets all love our beautiful lapbands and get skinny,healthy and feel great :D

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Well lets just say that these days you don't get told to your face "oh you didnt get the job coz ure fat"! they will always make up another reason, and to the peole who are saying they never had discrimination against them, well that's probably coz u don't know! These days employers or anybody else are too scared of getting dragged to court for telling the truth to your face! And I'm sorry if I sound rude, but a fat person its usually calssified as unfit for most jobs and employers don't want to hire people that they think won't bring much profit.

Thats just how to world works today and we have to live in it, so lets all love our beautiful lapbands and get skinny,healthy and feel great :D

I KNOW I have never been discriminated against when going for a job, WHY?? because I have always got the job bar 4. Of the 4 I missed out on 3 of them rung within a week and offered them to me as the other person didn't work out. The one I didn't get, I realised after I didn't really want it anyway, and due to the fact they have since employed my friend who is a lot bigger than me that the reason I missed out wasn't because of my weight, more likely that I was having back trouble at that time.

As for other comments about people looking at your plates, well sorry :( I often look at others plates to see whats on them and if I like what i see I will go hunt down the same.

I also often look fat people up and down checking out what they are wearing and how good it looks and thinking maybe I could wear that too !!

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The discrimation I've experienced hasnt come from people around me.

The descrimination that pisses me off has come from manufacturers and companies:

  • who make cafe seats with arms that define the maximum size person who can have coffee at a cafe.
  • who make cafe booths without enough room between the table and the seat for my belly
  • who make airline seats that are RIDICULOUSLY narrow,
  • who make buses with seats for two that are not for two if Im one of the two.
  • who make assumptions about the kinds of clothes that 'plus size' women want to wear (digusting swirls and flowers for the most part)

I've never felt discrimated against by people who've interviewed me for a job, or worked with me, or socialised with me or by passersby or in restaurants or cafes (apart from the size of the chairs that is).

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The discrimation I've experienced hasnt come from people around me.

The descrimination that pisses me off has come from manufacturers and companies:

  • who make cafe seats with arms that define the maximum size person who can have coffee at a cafe.
  • who make cafe booths without enough room between the table and the seat for my belly
  • who make airline seats that are RIDICULOUSLY narrow,
  • who make buses with seats for two that are not for two if Im one of the two.
  • who make assumptions about the kinds of clothes that 'plus size' women want to wear (digusting swirls and flowers for the most part)

I've never felt discrimated against by people who've interviewed me for a job, or worked with me, or socialised with me or by passersby or in restaurants or cafes (apart from the size of the chairs that is).

could not agree more .. would like to add that with most of these being produced in Asian countries perhaps this is where part of the problem lies !

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If any of you watch today tonight, a few nights ago it was a story about fat people and discrimination. This woman was trying to find a job and nobody would employ her! She said it was all well over the phone, but as soon as she went for the interview, they never wanted anything to do with her. Another girl (who used to be on this site) was called a whale, and she was told she should buy 2 bus tickets because she was taking up 2 seats on the bus, so I do believe being fat has no benefits whatsoever.

Janine, you must be one of the lucky ones when it comes to jobs because bloody hell nobody wants to hire me!

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I was never openly mocked for my size, never told I was too fat for anything, however now that I am a size 8-10, I have noticed that it is more a case of what DIDN'T happen than what did. Now I can walk into any store (say Cue or Sportsgirl for example), and the sales assistants fall over themselves to help me. They will actually run back and forth from my change cubicle with more and more items for me to try on. That NEVER used to happen to me, I was always ignored or left to find the one thing in the store that would be acceptable to me.

Unfortunately excess weight will ALWAYS been seen by the ignorant as a lifestyle choice. Those that bother to get to know me, skinny or overweight, will know that my outer shell is irrelevant.

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Those that bother to get to know me, skinny or overweight, will know that my outer shell is irrelevant.

Could not agree more Danielle - I haven't changed one bit from weight loss ( well I am more confident and I don't feel like people stare at me anymore) People who meet me now can't comprehend where I have come from and those who have been with me the whole way think I am the same.

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Hey,

When I wrote about discrimination, I was actually thinking about the kids I teach. I teach them that to discriminate means to make a judgement about someone for something that they were born with - like the shape of their face, the colour of their skin, or a disability. So, here's my gripe: For someone my size, I'm actually quite healthy. My blood sugar is fine, my cholestrol is fine. I work out 3 times a week and can run for 15 minutes straight. Yet I am 100 kilo's and 164 cm. My Mother was big ( she weighed around 90kgs, even after losing a lot of weight). Her Mother was big. So, I eat right, I exercise and remain overweight. Isn't this a genetic inheiritance -something I was born with?

And as I am not yet banded, I am constantly trying to work out if I should do it, and what factors may effect a failure. It seems really sad to me that some people spend all this money, go through all that pain, and yet fail again. And nothing would have changed for America's blacks, if say for example, Martin Luther King had just decided to tow the line, and not believe that somehow the system was to blame.

I am worried that too many people have this surgery without first looking around them and saying that society has something invested in making fat people feel bad. Because society does. People seem to need a group of people that we can feel superior to. I don't get it, but as a single mother with an autistic child, whose overweight, I guess I'm used to being an outsider.

Anyhow,

Miss Ruthy

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Hey Miss Ruthy

Have you spoken to the surgeon about your concerns? that your personal ideal weight might well be the 90 kg mark? (esp if your family have all been steady around that weight)

My goal weight is 85 kgs which is a number I agreed with the surgeon was a good goal weight for me as that is the lowest weight I've had as an adult. Traditionally when I have dieted I have stopped at 96-98 kgs and haven't budged any lower than that so I am a little nervous about whether I can get to that 85 kg goal. I will wait and see.

I know being 'skinnier' won't make me happy, I know that there are plenty of 'normal' weight people who are very unhappy and have ugly personalities. I personally did this for me and not to fit in to societies norms (esp as I am one the most abnormal people I know :) and I aint changing)

I suppose the 'best' person/people to talk to are those at the clinic and who have the background knowledge of whether this will allow you to achieve your goals or won't.

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