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scarlet_artemis

its easier for everyone else if I stay the 'fat girl'

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unbelieveable, husbands family are all big and I am too. They have started to notice the new hairstyle and the weight loss and some of them have made nasty comments and have the shits over the whole thing. Does someone else losing weight around someone else make the other person feel bad/guilty/out of control etc? It is easier for everyone else around me if I stay the fat girl of the family - I've always been bigger than all of them and now I'm smaller than two of them - sis in law and aunty both asked me how I did it and why did I get a new hairstyle? that must have cost my husband some dollars? and why am I making him pay for my Lite N Easy? (They saw the boxes, and they actually belong to my husband!!!!) They don't know I have had a band, and they don't know about my husband taking the lite n easy option - well, they can kiss my fat asspost-4131-0-80850500-1325155674.jpeg

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I think when a close one specially a best friend or family member begins to achieve success in the weight loss world you begin to doubt your own strengths and ability to meet that goal and fear that once they have lost the weight and your still the big one they may not look at you the same or love you the same or they could feel that you loosing weight is a judgement of there weight. If you think your fat and there fatter they could automatically be thinking your judging them when truth be known your just trying to make you the best you can be.

Don't stress with time it will ease its just prob the initial Shock of all the things that are changing. Poe hate change specially when it's a improvement in someone else that makes them look at thee own lives with regret and disappointment.

Best of luck and keep up the great work. Envy in others is a sign of true success lol

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DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU...Just smile and keep loosing the weight thatwill really give them something to be jealous about and I hope your hubbytrims down with Lite n Easy......Marion

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Perhaps they envy your success! Keep doing what you are doing and don't let the negative comments get you down. This is for you! Lovely photo too!

S

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They definently envy you and are questioning themselves like Tamara said (well put Tamara!!)..

I wonder how my family will react once I lose more too. My family around me will be really proud and happy as they are all smaller than me (inlaws) but my bro and sis in law back home, as well as aunts and uncles are big... I dont know that I will get the nice reaction Im hoping for. I think they will be a bit snarky and jealous too!

Be proud of yourself tho, you are doing great and you dont need to answer to them! :) In no time you will be literally running circles around them and they wont be able to focus on what size you are anyways.. hehe

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thanks guys, I really appreciate the encouragement. My husband got the shits last night and told them that I've had a band - well, that opened up worse comments about the cost, and what about another baby? and she'll fade away to nothing, and everyone seems to know someone who has had a band and not done well with it or got really sick, jesus. You know what? I'm just going to keep losing the weight, I haven't got a choice anyway and already feel so much better for even the 8kg I've lost so far. I asked my sis in law why does she give a damn anyway, and she said that she hasn't lost all her baby weight yet and her son is older than my girl - and she felt that she should have lost her baby weight before I did and it is just out of order in her mind that i do so before her - but then she said "you've had a band anyway, so it doesn't count" wtf? Small minded thinking and I'm too tired and busy to worry about it. I have to get a passport for my baby girl and pick up our tickets to europe in march next year - I have to fit in that plane seat

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Oh boy I wish your husband hadn't told them - people sure do go on and on! Have managed to keep mine secret (3 people only and none of them in our family or extended family or inlaws)!

I have noticed a couple of good dear female friends say of late "what are you down to now" and "wow tha't only a bit heavier than me" and when I said that due to the gall bladder op and being off gym for 6 weeks "well you don't need to lose any more". Apart from the mean ones, the ones who are always having a go I notice that even "nice" people feel a bit threatened, mainly women.

There was an article in the Melb Age a day or so ago that said women's biggest fear of weight gain (from a survey) was not health risks but "being the fat friend" and that women get anxious if their friend/s lose significant weight cos it changes the way they think of them and themselves. That is pretty sad isn't it? I often notice how mean women are to one another - even seemingly unintentionally.

I just shut up about any victories with weight and cms lost now cos I dont want to be seen as goating or anything. Also I am actually feeling down due to weight gain of late and no gym and how much more I am not only eating but wantin to eat (due to no fill following port replacement and the whole gall bladder thing) but no point sharing this - keep on trying to remind myself I can get those kilos and cms off again - once fill in (Jan 16th and counting down) and gym back on (28 Jan).

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what's the deal about 'what about another baby?' I just had my second baby and I've got a band. It's not an issue.

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103toomuch, you're so right!! A pregnant lady can still get great nutrition with a band, and its only a comment made by the ignorant - I have to admit that when my sis in law asked that it made me see red and I had to leave the room.

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It's amazing how threatened some other women can feel when they see a person succeeding with their weight loss. Bottom line: it's their problem, not yours. They feel better about themselves if they think they are better than you in any way, including size.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to let them get to you. Just channel the anger and smile sweetly when each time you see them you've lost more weight.

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you're so right junior! How is the cricket spectating going - do they have a new years day match? might stay home and watch it today if something is broadcast

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Hi Scarlet

The Melb Test finished on Thursday and the Sydney one doesn't start until Tuesday so I've been doing other things. Like housework. LOL! If you like T20 there's plenty of that on. Oh wait. Only on Foxtel. Hmmm...

Sorry for hijacking the thread

Junior

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Before I started researching lap band surgery, my knowledge was very limited and just downright uninformed. I have read up on the surgery, watched it done on you tube, hovered in blogs and forums and finally had a discussion with my GP. I now have a referral to a surgeon and will ring this week to make an appointment. My point is that it has taken me weeks to accumulate this knowledge. I can't explain all that to someone in the course of one sentence, and frankly I can't be bothered. Most comments come from being uninformed or misinformed, with a background of discomfort and jealousy it seems to me.

You have taken a well informed, researched, proven road to safe weight loss.

Stuff everyone else!

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I would have thought also, that your'e long term health is in the interest of your'e children, is it not?

Don't we all want to be better, healthier and happier so we can be better parents, and perhaps be around for a smidegion longer?

I think taking the step you did just makes you a responsible parent. Not a selfish one.

How do you spell smidgion?

Miss Ruthy

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Isn't it interesting how other people think they have the right to comment when in fact, they have no rights at all. You keep on losing and imagine how much the lesser weight is going to enhance your Europe trip.

I am a little bit like Sue, I just cannot be bothered explaining to people. One of the things that comes up all the time is "it is easy for you, you've had a band" I so want all these people to come to the gym, pool or walking 6 days a week with me, then we would see how easy it is.

We do not have to explain our choices to anyone, the fact that we have taken such an important step shows how dedicated we are to our good health.

Go, us!

Donna

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urgh....what a dilemma! These are the people who are closest to us and we 'should' be able to share our lives with but they can also be our harshest critics.

In years past I was doing weight watchers (and doing quite well I might add). I had a 'friend' at the time, she was a size 12, was always the ne being chatted up by blokes and I was the 'fat funny friend' in the partnership. Anyway, everytime I had dinner at her place she would make mashed potatoes (no problem there, I like them ad would only have a spoonful) but one day I walked into the kitchen while she was serving dinner and caught her serving her and her kids normal mashed potatoes and then adding butter and cream to the leftovers and then serving that to me!!! I was mortified! and I asked her what on earth she was doing...she responded (with a smile like she was being ever so clever) that 'you told me you liked it like that so that's why I'd doing this'...I told her that I was on WW and couldn't 'afford' the points, yes I did like it but don't want it and told her to remove the offending mashed potato from my plate and swap with someone else (like herself, for example)...oh no, she said 'I wold never eat anything so fatty!'

But it was okay for HER to do it to ME? Especially as she knew how hard I had been trying, that I'd lost 12 kgs by that stage and had reallyy turned a corner, mentally with my weightloss and body image. Yes we remained 'friends' for some years, but in the end I realised that she was a toxic person and wanted to keep me in a negative space so she could feel better about her shitty little life. Suffice to say, I last saw her about 7 years ago and she was wearing size 16 clothes (obese by her standards) and very unhappy with herself, she had the gall to blame ME for her weight gain!! She didn't like it when I told her that her weight gain was her fault, that she wasn't 20 anymore but 40 (she had a morbid fear of ageing - she was a very vain and selfish person) and living on hot chips, sausages and gravy was the cause of her weight gain, not being around someone like me who was always dieting and exercising.

Unfortunately it is harder to remove family and loved ones from our lives in the same way we can remove toxic 'friends'. I've learned through years of counselling ways to address issues with my family...it was really scary at first but now is much easier (although not any more 'fun).

People who are unhappy with themselves will try and keep you down with them so they don't feel so bad. Try not to feel guilty about doing something about your weight and your health. Maybe one day they will take your lead and address their own issues too.

Chin up!

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Envy makes people nasty.family think they have a right to say what they want and when they want- its like you cant hurt a fat girl,

she'l bounce back or she's so jolly.low self esteem can make me let my family get away with it- i hope my s-esteem grows

as i shrink and i will feel confeident to speak my mind and for all you gals too- good luck.

all the best artemis, and may your plane seat have room to spare and screw the inlaws!!

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It's incredible listening to how some people are being treated!

Scarlet_Artemis, I would have lost the plot if I were you. It is no ones business at all. People who care about you should be encouraging you, since not only will this make a big difference to how you feel about yourself, but it will also have significant health implications for the future.

I have told 4 close friends and my immediate family. Reading what others have said, makes me realise how lucky I have been. My close friends are female and all have been very supportive. There is one friend that I am a little worried about as she is a little overweight and constantly putting herself down. I am hoping that this doesn't change our friendship or make her feel bad about herself. The others are super skinny, have suffered with me over the years as I have been depressed about my weight and want to see me happy. Family has been supportive for once!

If anyone is being treated like Scarlet_Artermis, tell that person to bugger off and stop being so ignorant and self-absorbed! Makes me so angry!

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Wow. I can't get over the reaction. And the comments regarding the cost involved is absolute bullshit as I have made up the cost ten fold by eating so much less over time. Not to mention the constant doctors visits of the past. I agree with Miss Ruthy, you will be a better parent for losing the weight.

And as for 'having another baby', I had my second child banded and I actually enjoyed the pregnancy a whole lot more as I didn't gain copious amounts of weight and didn't have blood pressure issues. No malnutrition as I had my band loosened (albiet only slightly) to allow me to eat 'normally'.

I would so have been bitchy back at them, but thats just me ;)

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When my little sister told me she was getting a band, I was green with envy. I gave her the whole 20 questions talk and gave her a fair bit of grief, not so much putting her down, but I wasn't all "wow congrats I'm so proud of you for taking this step"

I think part of people's shock is that by telling them/them finding out about your lap band, you've practially openly admitted to all that can hear "I am obese". Hard words for anyone to hear, I think. People are caught off guard, don't know the right thing to say.

To them, congratulating you might be their version of saying "yes you are obese" Strangers don't want to say that - let alone friends and family. So I think they turn to their knee jerk reaction first. Which, i think, is a mixture of shock and self preservation. That's how I felt anyway :|

now I'm a bandit I feel differently but having been in that situation I feel for the people I tell, as I know what it's like hearing it for the first time.

It's no excuse for being a downright bitch though!

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I was always the biggest in my family and I feel we had all sort of accepted our roles. My oldest sister was always the "lest attractive one", my middle sister was "pretty by not very bright" I was the "fat" one and my brother who is youngest was the "spoilt" one.

Now that I am loosing the weight it's funny but I feel as though my family don't know where I sit now as I am leaving my comfortable role of being the biggest in the family and shaken things up.

I feel my oldest sister is trying her best to loose weight now as I am almost the same size she is now. She hasn't been discouraging or mean but I feel panic from her everytime my weightloss is mentioned.

It's just jealousy, when we see someone with something we want or doing things we wish we could unfortunately some people get mean with envy not necessarily green :(. Just ignore them and soon you will find out people. Change and roles change all the time and life is just full of opportunities taken or missed. Just be proud of yourself for not missing out on your opportunity to change your life. If they love you they will adjust.

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This all resonates to me and really reinforces my decision to tell very few people. My best friend is not supportive at all and thinks my contemplating getting WLS is a cop out and is putting on the guilts to get me to go to the Wesley Weight Loss Clinic in Brisbane instead. I am sure she feels threatened somehow. She is also overweight and had a problem with alcohol, but doesn't see she this an issue. We are business partners and as I will need to take time off after surgery this is trussing me out more than anything. If I could do it without telling her when it would be a lot easier, but don't want to wait until Christmas which would e the first opportunity.

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Tell her you're having a hiatal hernia repair!!! Same time off required, same incisions in the same area! This is what my surgeon suggested I tell people when I said I wanted to keep it quiet! Google it so that you're knowledgeable on them and you can then answer any questions she might have.

Good luck Healthy Choice!

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