Sabotage from friends and family (article)

[mazzles]

I found this article on another message board and at the time I was considering having lap-band done. I thought alot of people around me wouldn't understand why I was considering having the surgery (and I did experience a little negativity from people around me) but after reading this it helped me to realise why people around me might be feeling the way they do, and how to handle possible "negativity" after being banded ...happy reading!

ARE YOU EXPERIENCING POSSIBLE SABOTAGE FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY ON YOUR LAP-BAND JOURNEY?

Whether or not it's intentional, sometimes our closest family and friends have the unfortunate knack of trying to sabotage our most fervent attempts to stay on track while on the Gastric Band journey. Some remarks you may have experienced include: complaining about the amount of time you spend exercising, enticing you with unhealthy foods or making comments like you don't look like you've lost weight! One of my all time favourites is those 'friends' who feign 'shock' by saying that you're losing too much weight too fast!

So, why are those that say they are closest to us trying to sabotage us on our Gastric Band journey? Here are some reasons:

* Consider they might not even realise they are making comments that are upsetting us.

* There's a chance they might feel insecure about their own weight or issues going on in their life so it makes them feel bad about themselves or they feel it puts pressure on them to change their lives.


* They might be concerned that the positive changes you are making in your life will affect your relationship with them.

* Maybe they don't understand that some of the reasons why you are working so hard to lose weight is so you reduce your health.

* Sometimes they might not appreciate why you're so worried about your weight. Those that have never had an issue with their weight can't possibly understand what it's like for those of us who have experienced difficulty maintaining our weight.

These types of negative behaviours from those closest to you can be demoralising, especially if you might be already struggling. You may not be able to control the actions of others, but you can certainly control your own. Here are some tips you can use to neutralise sabotage from others:


* Explain to family and friends what you are doing and how much it means to you, so they can help you achieve your goals. Tell them that when they try to persuade you to eat certain foods, it makes it difficult for you. Try to alleviate their fears and insecurities that your losing weight will lead to spending less time together or that you won't understand each other anymore.

* A good way for people to see your point of view is to involve them! Research shows that when people recruit a friend into their weight-loss program, they're more likely to stick with it. I've found this strategy very beneficial. I often try to organise a walk with friends instead of going for something to eat which means we can still catch up on all the gossip without indulging in all the unwanted calories. Often we'll go out when we finish, but I'll usually just have a coffee.

* If friends or family pass judgement on you, it's possible it's coming from their own feelings of lack. Give them the benefit of the doubt and realise they don't know what it's like to live your life. Remember that every decision is yours to make and be happy knowing you're doing something positive for yourself.

* If you know you have to go to an event where people will try to tempt you with something unhealthy, have a few responses at the ready. Try a delay tactic like, "It looks lovely, I might have some later" or "No thanks, I just ate." If they keep persisting, say, "I'm trying to make positive changes in my life, I would appreciate it if you could support me."

* You need to take responsibility for your Gastric Band journey and realise that you are accountable for your choices. You need to consider if your family & friends are really trying to sabotage you or whether you might be using it as a reason to eat unhealthy.

The people closest to you only want what's best for you and will support you in reaching your goals. People who truly love and care about you will want what's best for you and will support you in your Lap Band journey. Everybody is different and only you can decide what is best for you. Keep in mind that no one can make you do anything you don't want to. It is your life and you control the reigns.

[Celtic]

Thanks for posting this, it is very interesting to read and I will keep some of the suggestions in mind

[Nonny]

Great reading Maz.
Thanks so much for posting!

Nonny